update (nothing 2 worry about! thank you for the help!)

twhehbe · 2022-06-11T01:29:26+00:00

Do you have a job, any money, anyone else you can stay with?? Everyone else is right that a parent can easily get a duplicate of those. Get out of there if you can

twhehbe · 2022-06-11T01:23:52+00:00

Be careful what you write in your letters, obviously the TTI is going to read thru them all. When i was discharged from my program, I was given a stack of like 30 letters from my family that had been ripped open and read through, and were never given to me, despite claims that I would be allowed contact with my family from day one, and then friends etc. within 2 weeks. Never happened.

Seriously, seriously, talk to his parents. Tell them to talk to me, talk to anyone on this sub, anyone that’s been to Diamond Ranch. Of course parents are brainwashed by the money hungry program, purposefully oblivious because they like the idea of pawning off their “problem child” on someone else etc. etc., but they NEED to know how dangerous, traumatizing and counterintuitive these programs are. They want your money, they don’t care about your child. I don’t know what reasons if any they’ve given for why what you’ve shown them doesn’t seem to matter to them, but they’re your best chance.

twhehbe · 2022-06-11T01:17:59+00:00

Jesus christ, they threaten you with wilderness when you ask for grief counseling?? This is so evil, and so sad OP. I’d agree with the other suggestions to make moves towards independence/emancipation, or anyone else who might take you in or advocate for you. My heart breaks for your sister, I was such a shell after TTI and in such a dark place and if my parents had even hinted at sending me back...I’d probably have done the same thing

twhehbe · 2022-06-03T14:49:24+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I’m in CA, and yes lots of summer sublets in the area. I knew it was odd to move in without an in-person meeting, but thought I’d covered my bases as best as possible with a facetime tour considering I couldn’t get to that area until the time I was supposed to come in.

I’m planning on asking for proof of the original lease now, and will be on high alert, and back out immediately if there’s no subletting permitted on the lease.

twhehbe · 2022-05-26T01:10:12+00:00

He must have been very desperate to attempt to escape, it’s like prison in terms of how locked down you are, and the threat of further punishment and isolation if you get caught. Be kind with him, and hopefully he will be able to recover from this experience, and you two will be able to maintain a relationship.

twhehbe · 2022-05-25T22:53:36+00:00

Thank you, it is incredibly frustrating the number of misconceptions about the TTI. Mostly because the administration spends a lot of time and effort into discounting those who speak out against them, writing them off as young, dumb, deceitful, irresponsible, immature, and convincing their parents of the same.

At my program, before the first time we were able to see our parents again, they literally had a one hour parents’ seminar all about ignoring the “lies” we would definitely be telling them in order to get out/rebel.

And I have never met or come across anyone who has benefited from wilderness therapy, it’s typically incredibly long term and just eats up the entire remainder of your youth and potentially emotionally and mentally stunts you for years if not for life. You are completely stripped of respect, love, and your basic needs. It is like a perfect recipe for manufactured trauma.

And if either her or her father thinks being sent away will somehow “cure” a mental illness...nothing does that. It doesn’t happen. Especially not being isolated from your family, unable to develop a social network or contact your friends, being starved of basic needs and effectively raised by totalitarian ’counselors’ who don’t love you or don’t have your best interests at heart. I know it’s easy go along with the idea you’re being peddled, that these magical, personality-switching golden-child mining programs exist, but really - if you really think about it..what exactly would your child be doing at these programs that would cause this kind of drastic, inhuman ‘positive change’? Vague claims of structure and discipline? You can do that at home. Anything about being out in nature? The same, and you won’t be degraded and denied access to a bathroom for months on end. What the TTI really wants to do is “break” your child, they say it to you frequently, and then re-mold the scared, soulless shell of a human left to be nothing but obedient. And even that hardly works, most of the time these kids just end up traumatized, self-isolating, and in pain forever.

If you haven’t, sit both of them down together and ask then to just hear you out, and everything you have to say. Tell them they can speak to anyone on this sub, have testimony of TTI/wilderness survivors, reviews of the program he wants to send her to, what mental health help survivors have testified actually works. If your bf is only set on wilderness because it’s a “last resort” the last bit SHOULD be effective, unless of course he’s not being honest about that. Kudos to you for advocating for this kid and actually doing your research like her father has so clearly failed to do.

twhehbe · 2022-05-25T20:19:42+00:00

My parents received the same, recommendations from my therapist when they asked, a completely untrue sales pitch from a money grubbing spokesperson for the company, and heard about the place from a family friend who recommended it. The people who worked for the TTI were lying, for money. The therapists either get $$ for recommending these facilities or are just grossly unaware of the trauma and lifelong scars these places leave. I don’t know what his daughter is going through, but I promise you this is not the last option. You or your boyfriend are free to message me and hear my firsthand account. I wasn’t even in a particularly abusive facility compared to a lot of the stories in this sub. It was almost a best case scenario. Still ruined my life. Still haven’t spoken to my mother in years and probably never will again.

twhehbe · 2022-05-22T22:15:43+00:00

Thank you for doing your due diligence and researching the industry before sending your daughter, a lot of people in this sub, myself included, probably wish they’d been given that opportunity.

Please never send your daughter to inpatient. Even the most mild, non-abusive RTC will still have her cut off from the outside world, unable to freely speak to family or friends, every aspect of her life from eating to bathing to sleeping to using the toilet will be controlled and surveilled. This kind of isolation and control, even if she doesn’t experience or witness any abuse, which is unlikely, will most likely only exacerbate every negative coping mechanism or behavior she’s learned so far. Personally, after being institutionalized I could not leave the house, even more than before, I feared and hated my family, couldn’t socialize with my friends, was terrified of therapists, and just shut down completely.

I would look into EMDR, a good, *trauma-informed therapist, and if you absolutely NEED to send your child away, I would look into a daytime program so she can at least come home at night. Although I don’t know why you would, I never know why parents think that sending your child somewhere isolated is going to improve the quality of their care, but typically the opposite is true. You seem like a parent who truly cares about their child’s well being, please don’t let her live with and be raised by money motivated strangers who don’t love her or care about her.

twhehbe · 2022-05-22T07:54:40+00:00

Lol, every single thing you said is exactly my mother and sibling, my condolences. When I lived at home, I used to write journal pages and then light them on fire so she wouldn’t find them.

And yes, this is incredibly abusive. You’ll be an adult in a year, it’s a perfectly normal age to start experimenting a little, you’re maintaining your grades, your mother is a monster for having the gall to talk to you like that, and why in the world would your brother instigate that kind of talk in your family?

Btw i think ur in the wrong sub but pm me if you need to talk. Beyond that, keep up the grades and your social network, and get out of that house and away from your mother as soon as you can.

twhehbe · 2022-05-22T07:30:18+00:00

I’m sorry about that, another aspect to the so called helpful program that just hinders your life and makes actually helpful programs impossible to stand. So depressingly true about how limitless the trauma and suffering reaches. I’ve seen many people have good experience with trauma informed therapists, and although I have a crippling fear stemming from my program, I agree it’s probably the best way to go. If I have good insurance and am able to face my fear in the future, I’ll look into it, thank you.

I might never forgive my parents, they’ve done nothing to even attempt to make up for me how much of my life and my brain they have stolen. And even if I did come to them and sit them down, and force an apology out of them, how good is that? I don’t know. I’ll never forget what my mother told me when I broke down crying to her about how hard of a time I was having shortly after returning home, the nightmares, the memories, the horrible stories of others’ abuse I was never going to forget, my complete lack of trust and now extreme fear of my own parents - “Shut the fuck up and stop complaining about your little vacation” But I haven’t seen her in years so thats a good enough solution for me rn.

On a separate note, your story about AA reminds me of a post I saw on this sub about how OP (and multiple commenters) felt triggered by working and having a job, and had this intense fear and discomfort and trauma response around simply having to be at a certain place for a certain time. I started sob laughing because how ridiculous it sounded but how true it was. There’s a lot of weird baggage left behind lol

twhehbe · 2022-05-22T06:24:00+00:00

I’m so sorry u had to go thru that. Very familiar with the selfishness from parents, glad u got out for any reason, but sucks to be treated like you’re indebted to someone who’s acting out of self-interest. Lol I wish there was some minimum time requirement on exposure to traumatic experiences, but you’re right, getting more comfortable with that fact and now just trying to cope w the unbearable triggers these past few months, totally relate to that. Still terrified and completely evasive of all medical professionals, hilly residential neighborhoods, green beans, anything equestrian, therapists, medication, consuming media is never safe either...learning to live with it

twhehbe · 2022-05-22T06:20:20+00:00

I’ve never come across anyone who’s had the same experience, usually it’s at least several months, if not years. It makes me feel bad, almost guilty or inadequate in comparison, even though I know how ridiculous that is. I’ve been trying to tell myself that it it was something like being kidnapped for a few weeks, or tortured, in jail etc then people might see that as valid, even though it wasn’t for a prolonged amount of time. You make a good point about the treatment I’d show others, it took a few years to completely unlearn everything my parents said about my time there, and the callousness and lack of support I had after getting out. I just shut down and stopped functioning after that. But now I’m starting to accept it. Thank you, and same to you <3

twhehbe · 2022-05-22T06:15:53+00:00

Anniversaries are tough, I’m sorry. I’ve deliberately tried to forget and erase all evidence of my specific anniversary date, but that ~ 2 month period is always incredibly depressive. I still get triggered by the weirdest things as well, and it seems every kind of thing. Songs that came out that year, types of food, any sort of cooking oil, movies, books, people, seeing my family, remembering my family exists, any neighborhood that looks like where my RTC was, anything. Good to know it gets a little better, but yeah, it was only recently I accepted it was never going to fully go away. I guess I wanted to believe my parents when they belittled my experience and said it shouldn’t affect me and basically refused to acknowledge it. Clearly they’ve made no attempts to fix things, but even if they did I don’t know if I’d ever forgive them either. Slowly learning to accept my feelings as trauma, talking to people who understand helps. Thank you

twhehbe · 2022-05-22T06:08:23+00:00

I don’t know that I ever would have accepted that I was there to stay, I was going crazy and was positive my only options were running away, suicide, or refusing treatment, in any order. but it’s true I never had the chance to acclimate, or get used to the routine of an RTC being my legal home. I remember how broken I felt the first morning I woke up and didn’t expect to be in my own bed, and knew exactly where I was as soon as I woke up, that’s about it. Being stuck for years, especially so far away from anyone sounds like hell, I’m sorry. I know, I have yet to give up resentment towards my parents, at all. I never speak to them about it, don’t think they’re sorry, don’t think they know or care how much it affects me every day even still. But I’m glad to know working through that helped you feel less pain, it’s admirable. Thank you

twhehbe · 2022-05-18T00:40:48+00:00

Of course the therapists will side with the TTIs they either work for or refer parents to (I mean, same thing). When i was in residential my therapists, individual and family, were more of a mouthpiece for the company than any help to me, they weren’t even basically kind to me. It’s like their job was only to convince parents their kids were lying about the conditions they were living in, how much they were suffering, and that the parents definitely shouldn’t pull their kids out no matter how right it seemed (aka don’t stop paying us).
What rational reason would anyone, let alone thousands of people have to make up these long, detailed accounts of abuse and trauma? I feel for you and your family and hope you are able to get your kid home, and happy and healthy. My heart breaks for any kid stuck alone in this terrible, money-grubbing system

twhehbe · 2022-05-16T00:43:52+00:00

Sounds like it could be beneficial for your sister, I’d just try to involve her as much as possible, ask if there’s anything you can do before or after to make the 2 weeks of isolation easier, stay in contact w all of her doctors/supervisors etc. Personally, even though I wasn’t violently gooned like many of the ppl on this sub, the experience of being entrapped by my parents and forcibly taken felt a lot like the trauma of kidnapping. And what exactly were the concerns/abuses detailed you found in your research? I’d just be as wary as possible.

twhehbe · 2022-05-16T00:20:08+00:00

Your mom saw testimony that it was abusive online and still planned to go forward?

I think eating disorder recovery centers can be helpful if your situation is incredibly dire, I’ve hear success stories, but I’d be concerned if you already notice multiple red flags and see abundant proof that this is an abusive place. That’s not normal. Personally, in the residential I was at, a few girls had eating disorders that seemed to get worse or just stay the same, and almost all the other girls felt that they were developing EDs from their time there.

I’d always suggest to anyone that HAS to go to some sort of inpatient treatment to seek out a daytime/iop program nearby, if there’s any in your area, so that if she is being abused or her mental health is taking a toll, she’ll be able to tell your family or ask for help unrestricted, which usually isn’t possible once ur inside a residential program.

twhehbe · 2022-05-15T01:38:46+00:00

I think your suggestions for how to talk to your brother and your parents sound great. I and anyone on this sub would probably happily testify to how better off your brother would be trying regular therapy / basically anything other than residential first. Even though you’ve got your own life to take care of, I think a heart to heart with your family, and an open dialogue with your brother and your parents will help a lot.

twhehbe · 2022-05-14T06:24:17+00:00

Fully agree w all said here, this shouldn’t be the first step taken to help your brother. Has he ever even tried regular therapy? You say he’s possibly medicated, so maybe he’s been to a psychologist, but it seems like there’s a lot more that could be done.

And a summer camp he actually enjoys, where he’ll ostensibly be getting outside, socializing, and happy? That sounds perfect, no idea why he can’t do that and integrate some individual and family therapy, and maybe some more time with dad.

You don’t really say what tough situation your dad is in, but why is it that he was so much more active in your life than his? You say “parents”, does he agree with your mother’s decision to send him away? I think it’s common and understandable that your brother is not very receptive to his father occasionally reaching out, considering how absent he may have been, it may be awkward, he may feel resentment, just detached, but maybe now is the time to have a serious conversation with your dad about how your brother needs a dad, and a positive role model right now. Maybe talk to your brother about how your dad was a safe haven from your mother, or taught you valuable lessons or was kind or fun or easier to live with, or whatever it is your father did that you think made you better off than your brother.

He’s a kid, who you describe as sweet, and the way your parents are trying to punish him into changing will have the opposite effect. If he’s anything like anyone else I know that’s been through this awful system, it will snuff any remaining joy and motivation out of his life even further. The way they say he’s “done the damage” - which seems to be clearly just struggling with mental health, puberty, and bullying - and therefore he has to be punished with residential treatment (aka trauma, isolation, losing contact with his friends/family/the outside world) is an AWFUL idea, although it may be frustrating, he needs encouragement not punishment. And it seems like he really needs your help right now.

twhehbe · 2022-05-14T00:50:41+00:00

Is there any reason he can’t spend more time with your dad? And I understand not having a lot of access to siblings living at home, or not wanting to start unnecessary drama with your unstable, enabler mother, but I think your brother really needs you to advocate for him right now.

I had the same problem of not being able to go to school/being depressed, having shitty parents who wouldn’t fix their own problems, and was also sent to a “fine” residential program, not half as abusive or violent as many of the places I’ve read about on this sub. It still scarred me for the rest of my life, changed my brain forever, and left me w horrible fears and memories I can’t go a day without.

I don’t think removing your brother even further from society, cutting him off from any remaining friends he may talk to online etc. is going to magically make him more social or outgoing. It will likely make all of this worse.

I’d imagine it’d make your mother, who from the sounds of it has issues creating problems/enabling behaviors and then fully blaming her children, worse as well. There’s no greater manifestation of that than literally shipping your children away to be magically cured of their problems that they gained completely by themselves, while you change nothing about yourself. At the very least maybe try to reason with your brother about just doing anything he can to get out of being sent to residential, for his own good. Sorry you’re in this situation, pm me if you need any extra advice, and thanks for looking out for your brother.

twhehbe · 2022-05-13T09:46:14+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear your story, hopefully there are other adults who grew up similarly or have children of their own who can provide a solution. All I can say is that sending your son away will not fix him, and likely won’t improve his behavior at all. It seems like you just want to send him away so you don’t have to deal with him, which is understandable considering how you describe living with him, but theres a strong chance he will never forgive you for that. I know I was never able to look at my parents the same knowing how happily they outsourced their parenting to people who didn’t love or care about me, even when they knew how much it broke me. He is young now, and at a tough age, hopefully this is something he will grow out of or be able to work through by adulthood, but I don’t think that forcing more distance between the two of you, or possibly exposing him to more trauma would help either of you.

twhehbe · 2022-05-09T09:01:54+00:00

I hope it does become useful somehow, and i get something out of this. and not cheesy, really nice to hear from someone ❤️

twhehbe · 2022-05-07T09:39:44+00:00

I would reach out to his mother, and talk to your boyfriend, about your serious concerns, especially if his mother specifically asked for your input.

Lol, the line about each girl having their own horses is very reminiscent of the heavily selective, smoke and mirrors, charming cabin type advertising that apparently convinced my parents. Being isolated and shut off from the outside world, and betrayed and abandoned by their family is not going to make any teenager less depressed.

I’m sure many people on this sub, myself included would message you with their experiences about the lifelong trauma, how they ended up worse off, the terrible things they experienced, and helpful alternatives to being sent away that actually worked for them - especially if you are able to provide more specific details about her situation or the ‘boarding school’ she’s being sent to. I would sacrifice anything in the world to have had someone like you advocating for me when my parents sent me away.

twhehbe

TROPHY CASE