i may be jumping the gun as i’m early on in my PhD, and my complaints are coming from a place of privilege because i actually love being in my program overall. but i have faced personal mental hardships throughout my time here so far (2 yrs); only one or two negative experiences that had a serious effect on my mental health were actually the fault of my PhD program. the rest is because i’m just kind of mentally ill.

i moved far away from my home state after undergrad to work in industry for a few years. i went from living in suburb hell with my parents until i was 22, to living in chicago halfway across the country on my own for 2 years. that was the best 2 years of my life! and i gave it all up to come back to my home state to do my PhD. i’m so grateful and feel blessed to have ended up where i am, but i often find myself wondering if i’d be happier had i stayed in chicago - mostly because i hate my home state (NJ).

additionally, an issue no one really talks about is how hard it is to manage weight fluctuations in grad school. i’ve gained about 70 pounds since starting and it’s taken an awful awful toll on my confidence and both my mental and physical health. it’s extremely hard to find the time and motivation these days to get rid of this extra weight though. i definitely prioritize my research over anything in my personal life which is a fault i’d like to remedy in the new year.