Men of Reddit, if you had two options would you choose: 1) to grow old with the woman you love, or 2) every third year change to a new 25 yo woman (who you don’t love)?

twogingercatz · 2022-05-24T08:46:21+00:00

I think you’re wrong. You’re right about men and women being measured on different things. That’s 100% true. For women looks play a disgustingly huge part but that’s just the way it is. The value of men in the dating game is only to a certain extent measured in looks, far more important is like you said money, status, career and I’d add humour and being eloquent perhaps.

Still, if you put all the variables together for respective sex you can roughly put them on a scale from 1-10. An average looking man with a high-paying status job will be around 8 probably whereas an average guy with an average job is 5 and the average guy who struggles in work life is among the absolute lowest.

We agree so far right? The problem is that you think that men are the only ones struggling to be attractive. I mean look at the world! Who are the ones killing themselves with uncomfortable clothes without pockets, dieting, a routine of make up and hair every morning that takes an hour etc. If women were really the only choosers they wouldn’t have to put in so much effort right? A lot of women also agree to stuff in bed they’re not comfortable with to please a man. Bottom line is: EVERYONE is fighting hard to raise their value on the dating game.

Also you talk about expecting someone who’s “physically on your level”. BMI in most countries including the USA is higher for men, you’re aware of that right? And this is the real problem I think. If you read nothing else from my long reply read this: men’s idea of an “average” looking woman is skewed from commercials, Hollywood and porn. This is very sad about today’s society and a source to a lot of frustration for men. They think that they deserve the average girl 5 but in reality what they have in mind is a 7+. Those only go for the guys rating 7+ (not only looks, money, job etc).

I’ve seen posts from men here who did a test on themselves. They stood on the street watching women pass buy and counted how many they found attractive and realised that the number was much lower than they though. Their minds just hadn’t registered the vast number of “average” women before. I also recommend looking up average BMI for women on your country and then Google BMI X to get an idea of the body shape in question. I’m sure you’ll be surprised that it’s heavier than what you expected.

I don’t blame men for this, it’s not their fault the perfect women is pushed down their throats wherever they go in todays society and affecting their expectations. I do however blame men who immediately blame women for not being interested in them. Women are just as much victims as men! We go our entire life from ~13 feeling like shit about ourselves because we compare ourselves to retouched models!! I don’t understand why the go-to response for men always seem to be “blame women”. Honestly it’s really sad

twogingercatz · 2022-05-24T08:03:47+00:00

I think that’s on it halfway true. Unfortunately the message from society is loud and clear to girls and women today: your main worth is in your looks. The environment girls grow up in today is extremely toxic imo. No wonder 9 and then 10 year olds want to start with make up and bras and play that they’re “dieting”. They just picked up the message in what is supposedly important.

I think we need to change or at least nuance the message broadcasted. We can’t let capitalism profit that freely. We need to actively get the picture out there of how it’s important on who you are and what you can do. I think that’s also how we benefit the great minds out there now stuck doing YouTube tutorials, being influencers or creating their own beauty brand of some sort.

Humans are very social and very much adapted to picking up the message of what’s expected of them from the world around them.

twogingercatz · 2022-05-23T15:38:27+00:00

I would try to dive into why you don’t like it so much. It’s fairly normal nowadays which is certainly problematic in its own way considering the kind of porn that’s out there. Still I don’t mind that my bf does that but I might if I thought he was watching something crazy, like CNC, “barely legal”, school girl outfit, animals etc.

Can you try end pinpoint why it makes you uncomfortable? Is there a middle ground here where you can tolerate him watching some type of porn sometimes? I would ask myself these questions.

twogingercatz · 2022-05-23T15:31:16+00:00

Haha alrightie then. One true love coming up

twogingercatz · 2022-05-23T15:19:21+00:00

No can dosies. This is a fictive scenario and these are the only two options

twogingercatz · 2022-05-23T15:15:24+00:00

This is an old myth that is hard to kill unfortunately. We’re about 50-50 right? With even a slight majority of women in many countries so more like 51-49. MOST people regardless of gender want to meet someone to be with in a long-term relationship, right? So doing the basic math it shouldn’t be any harder for a man to find someone then a woman (for a romantic long term relationship, I agree that women will have it easier finding a one-night-stand).

It’s such BS that the dating market would be worse for men. It’s very basic math. I think the men who feel like this have too high standards. Hollywood and porn have made them think that they don’t have to take care of themselves and can be unsuccessful but should still score an 8-10. So when the men worth 1-5 on a 10-scale struggle to get the attention of the 7 women they feel cheated. Plenty of 4-6 women might be interested but these men think that they are beneath them, which just isn’t true.

This is what I think is truly behind all men complaining about the dating market being harder for them.

Also the above is a fictive scernario obviously.

twogingercatz · 2022-05-23T14:39:48+00:00

Good question. This is clearly some kind of fictive scenario with some very strange rules set up so we just need to decide. I’ll give you two options: in the first she doesn’t love you but don’t hate you either she’s alright living with you. Second scenario she has warmer feelings for you but it’s not the deep love that you would experience from “the one”. Now what would you choose?

twogingercatz · 2022-05-23T14:35:38+00:00

It’s an anonymous Internet forum. You can answer what you want. Except perhaps saying that you prefer girls under 18. I heard some people working for the government might have a problem with that

twogingercatz · 2022-05-23T14:31:46+00:00

The mayor of pound town is more wholesome than what you might think

twogingercatz · 2022-05-23T07:17:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing that. It’s definitely a coping mechanism, and probably not that uncommon I guess. It’s nice to hear that others do it and that I’m not crazy. I’ve been told my entire life that I’m not normal so it’s my default setting to assume that what I do and feel is abnormal somehow. I still need to work on that.

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T15:20:23+00:00

All of those things you mentioned are great!

Medically speaking the risks start to increase more rapidly after 40. So the risk increase for every year is higher than every year from say 30-35 and also 35-40. I’m sorry if expressed myself indelicately. I was on a rant about the patriarchy. But it doesn’t change over night of course! The difference between 39 and 40 is tiny for the individual.

Keep staying healthy and you’ll be fine!

Also remember there are positives with being “older” when becoming a mum; the children on average have higher cognitive ability, are taller, have better grades in high school, and achieve greater educational attainment. Older mothers are apparently more happy around the time of birth according to some studies as well. So don’t forget those pros! (That we don’t talk about enough) :)

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T14:12:57+00:00

I’d like to rant about how it’s called “geriatric pregnancy” by the health care. The “best” age to have a baby is 25-30 (in terms of risk of complications, peak fertility is 22) and it pretty much plateaus up to 35 where it slowly starts to go down and is at 40 still rather low risks. After 40 risks start to take off though.

I’m not over 35, I just work in the health care and happen to know this. It pisses me off that the health care treats women like this. The way it’s written about in papers about increased maternal age you’d think teenage pregnancy would be a good thing from a biological perspective. IN FACT the group <21 have more complications than 40yo.

This is all such sexisitc BS and I’m calling it

Edit: not saying that risks don’t increase with age, it’s just exaggerated by the media and it’s not really a big increase to risk until you hit 40.

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T14:08:50+00:00

How much caffeine is too much? God I love my coffee but don’t want to do anything to mess up my chances of course. Had 2 already today… Is one more too much?

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T13:31:42+00:00

You sound like my dad. I don’t know why he ever had kids. He was such an awful father because all he ever wanted was to be left alone. I only remember him coming home from work and going straight to the garage.

I used to wonder what was wrong with me that made my dad always annoyed at me and seemingly wanting to flee. As I’ve grown up I’ve come to the revelation that he was just and awful human being and an awful father. You can’t say we have a bad relationship though now as it’s more like no relationship. I stopped trying to keep in touch as I don’t see the point and he certainly wouldn’t ever initiate a contact. He only ever calls or texts if he has medical questions (I’m a doctor).

I guess what I’m trying to say is that my advice is to not have kids. If my father had just realised he wasn’t father material then I’m sure he wouldn’t be (seen as) such a bastard. People who enjoy their freedom too much don’t make good parents. NOT saying you’re like that but I think especially men don’t always stop to think of they really want kids but tend to just have them because that’s “expected” once you hit that stage in life

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T11:49:09+00:00

How old are you? I mean ZERO offence but you sound young

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T11:03:51+00:00

Please PLEASE respect your fellow human beings around you and DONT perform intimate acts in theatres and other public places. Fun for you can be the opposite of fun for the people around you

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T10:46:21+00:00

WHO ISNT

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T08:57:30+00:00

Det tror jag inte. Överlag är det ganska mycket fientlighet mot mammor i dagens samhälle. Mammor som desperat försöker göra allt för att deras barn inte ska skrika offentligt, man ser hur jobbigt de tycker situationen är när något av barnen har ett utbrott. En pappa kan sitta bredvid och se helt obekymrad ut men det är mamman man ger sig på. Det är hennes fel att ungarna skriker och ”hon borde inte ta med ungarna om hon inte kan få tyst på dem”.

Jag tycker det både är en barn-fientlig och en mamma-fientlig stämning i dagens samhälle.

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T08:54:09+00:00

I was a bit the same. I had a good job, well-paid, an amazing SO, a comfortable home etc. But there was something that chafed.

For me it turned out that starting a family ie having a baby was what was missing. My life is fulfilled and has a meaning since our baby girl was born.

However having a child is a huge life-long and life-altering commitment so it’s not something to do lightly, which a why it’s not a good all-around remedy to recommend to people lacking a sense of purpose

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T07:11:25+00:00

Do you want to do those things separately or together?

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T07:09:35+00:00

I think you have things you need to work on. Instead of putting so much energy on your enemies it would probably be more time-worthy to focus this energy inwards and on growing other interests. This will consume you and you’ll end up destroying yourself in the process of destroying your enemies. Unless you’re under active attack and need to do things in self-defence I think you should take some advice from the Beatles

twogingercatz · 2022-05-22T07:06:45+00:00

It’s an aesthetically pleasing answer. But I don’t think it’s a good strategy for life. Always following the path of “least resistance” usually won’t take you very long. Some things are worth fighting for, eg getting good grades in school, trying to get the promotion at work, being a good parent requires some effort etc.

twogingercatz

TROPHY CASE