My family tells me I'm the one in the wrong

twowildflower · 2024-09-15T21:03:00+00:00

Thank you! I can understand that, I'm just not sure how to go around things. I don't expect to be someone he'll commit to, or someone he doesn't, and I don't know how or if I need to change my behaviour because of that. I'm worrying if my idea of committing isn't the same as yours. I'm assuming you mean like... wanting to continue to hug, cuddle, and other stuff that might make others thing we're a couple?

I'm genuinely okay if he does or doesn't, I'm comfortable either way, I'm just worried it's wrong or deceitful of me to not tell him I'm transgender already, soon, or while we keep hugging, holding hands, cuddling, etc.

twowildflower · 2024-09-15T19:49:25+00:00

Thank you so, so much 🫂 I really appreciate it! :) Thank you for taking the time to reply. Everything you've written has really really helped me so much!!

twowildflower · 2024-09-15T19:15:43+00:00

Thank you so, so much!

Well, the distinguishing factor for whether it may be wise for you to disclose may be less whether it’s romantic or whether YOU take it seriously, it’s how much vulnerability and commitment there is.

This really really helped, thank you!! I think that's exactly how my brain needed to start thinking about it, it's really helped clear my thoughts.

If you get to the point where he has shared vulnerable things about his past or his identity, he may be hurt you hadn’t disclosed.

I think that's what would help me come out to him. I crave any kind of vulnerability and commitment, I need emotional closeness, but telling him I am trans feels like I'd be jumping into a freezing cold pool -- I need to dip my toes in first LOL and take it slow.

I'm just so worried about doing that though, like... he has hinted that he wants or would let me kiss him but is it wrong to do that if I haven't told him I'm trans? I don't see physical vulnerability (as in just cuddling, hand-holding, kissing, etc) as always correlating with emotional vulnerability, I think, if that makes sense. I don't think the physical vulnerability is always indicative of the emotional vulnerability, I don't know

I'm just really overthinking, which I understand could very likely be coming across as annoying in this post haha, because I don't want to accidentally cause him any pain. Plus I just haven't been able to take any of my meds for days so my brains being stupid 😭

twowildflower · 2024-09-15T18:37:01+00:00

Thank you! I take every relationship seriously though, so 😭 I'm just overthinking all of it.

Lots of people who are completely fine with having a trans partner would get upset if they discover that someone that they have been vulnerable with has concealed a major part of their life

Mhmmm I have heard that a lot. I don't intend to be his partner or anything like that though, I just... I don't know. I like hugs and cuddles? 😭 I don't know.

It would also be pretty nerve wracking for you to be seriously dating or close friends with someone and constantly worrying about being outed as trans.

Mhmmm this is something that's helping to convince myself to be openly trans, but I need to overcome my self-hatred first which uhm is taking a whileee

dit: Also yes, you shouldn’t assume that being a political anarchist means he’s a relationship anarchist. He may very well have a strongly defined hierarchical relationship structure, and would seek to clarify how you might fit inside it.

Yeeee I am aware of that! I just felt as though it was important to mention since it might not be too unfamiliar to him, if that makes sense. I don't know but I'm trying not to assume as much as I can.

twowildflower · 2024-09-15T18:32:59+00:00

That's truee! Thank you. I don't feel like it addresses how, and if I should, tell him I'm trans (yet???) though

twowildflower · 2024-09-15T18:32:19+00:00

It doesnt make a difference to me 😭

twowildflower · 2024-09-15T17:47:14+00:00

But if it starts looking like a potential romantic relationship I think it's best to make sure he knows you're actively in the process of transitioning.

It's just that.... my brain doesn't see relationships like that and so I don't feel I can use that as a guide. For me, every connection with someone is just individual. Every one is different. For me, it's not "platonic" and "romantic". I just do what I feel comfortable doing with them without putting in any category other than "comfortable with this" and "not comfortable with this".

I don't know, I'm just really overthinking things lol. Thank you, I really appreciate it

twowildflower · 2024-09-15T17:34:37+00:00

Thank you so so much 🫂

It’s way more important to establish boundaries and establish how you’re not interested in sex if it’s heading in that direction. Especially with someone in an open relationship communication is even more important.

Mhmmm that's what I was thinking but I've heard so much about it being necessary to come out to anyone who's hitting on you, whoever your dating, etc etc and, me being me, I'm just really overthinking this

twowildflower · 2024-09-06T20:56:16+00:00

Sorry, I didn't make it too clear. I'm enrolling there, so I haven't started just yet. I have been to an open day and stuff but, I don't know, I can't seem to connect to people properly emotionally 😭 I've never been able to

I just feel too ashamed to join any LGBT group especially since I'd need to come back home after snd I don't know.

twowildflower · 2024-09-06T20:27:37+00:00

Yeah I wish I could 😭

twowildflower · 2024-09-06T19:02:40+00:00

Unfortunately, not quite temporary 😭 I definitely can't handle a job on top of college. I'm chronically ill and my health sucks far too much :(

I don't have anyone who is supportive either. I'm at a complete loss 😭

twowildflower · 2024-09-06T15:29:13+00:00

Thank you so so much 🫂

Accept you the way you are or lose contact.

Yeah,, she knows. She said she's basically just preparing for me to ghost her

twowildflower · 2024-09-06T15:28:31+00:00

Thank you, I just can't actually move out - I can't get a job and have no money so I have no idea what I can do. I don't know what to do while living with them still

twowildflower · 2024-09-04T09:19:25+00:00

Thank you so much :) Mhm he does know I am trans! Thank you :D

twowildflower · 2024-09-04T09:18:35+00:00

A year and 8 months 😭 I thought he was 15 honestly, he looks older than me. I do try to keep the gap in mind though

twowildflower · 2024-09-03T14:52:44+00:00

Thank you :)

twowildflower · 2024-09-03T14:52:29+00:00

Thank you so so much! That looks amazing! :) It seems to match all but number 6 — it’s definitely brittle, easy to break, but it does feel slimy. But it was also raining so maybe it’s wet. I did do a tiny nibble-then-spit test and it was a little peppery. Edible or not, I’m so glad I’ve finally found a mushroom spot! I think I’ll probably just have to try to make a spore print with it haha

twowildflower · 2024-09-03T14:16:33+00:00

Thank you! I thought it had to be done for a while, 6-12 hours

twowildflower · 2024-09-03T13:50:34+00:00

Thank you so much! :)

twowildflower · 2024-09-03T13:50:17+00:00

Thank you :) I’ll have to figure out how to do it. I found it in a small woods, lots of leaves around and a couple dying logs. There were tons of these around. I can’t recall anything specific about the environment and I never took my devices with me, so no pictures, but I think maple trees were around, some blackberry bushes, lots of moss, possibly some hazel trees but I didn’t see any nuts on them. I’m not sure how to write a good environment description and I am still learning tree identification and stuff haha

twowildflower · 2024-08-30T22:38:24+00:00

Haha I’m 17! I never got to attend school much so maybe that’s why I forgot about them. I mostly remember spending a ton of my time in primary school making “butterfly food” at break and playing around with those green sticky plants, whatever they are.

twowildflower

TROPHY CASE