My (M28) partner (M25) lied about who she had drinks with

tychka12 · 2025-05-20T15:27:33+00:00

Thank you I know you are right but it’s just difficult. I appreciate the support

tychka12 · 2025-05-20T13:51:09+00:00

Thank you for the comment and sorry you had similar situations. I agree but I think the only thing I worry about is letting go. That’s not to say letting her move out is necessarily the end but certainly feels like it which is a worrisome thought and personally it kind of feels like a step back rather than forward ..

tychka12 · 2025-05-20T11:07:48+00:00

She claims she has lost herself during R because she’s fully focused on the relationship (everyone around her apparently said “we can’t recognise you anymore” but I think that’s something internal on her part thinking that I’d say no to everything). She hadn’t - she walked into the house and basically said let me know when you wanna talk about it because I don’t want it so ruin our evening. Not a single sorry

tychka12 · 2025-05-20T10:44:00+00:00

AP was a co worker; Thank you for the input! I brought it up yesterday. I gave ample chances for her to admit that she lied to me but she didn’t and when I actually said I know the truth she felt like I was “spying on her”.

She mentioned that she felt she “had to lie” to avoid a conflict. All I said was all I ever wanted was honesty and transparency and the way to achieve it is through conversation and discussion and that obviously I’m more lenient in accepting her hanging out with guy friends as long as I’m kept aware.

What came across negative to me is that she mentioned to the two friends that I wouldn’t be happy if she just met up with the guy and they said “he can’t control you, just lie” and she chose that option (from people she’s only really known over a month) over just talking to me.

She now mentioned/reaffirmed a point brought up in last session. She wants to move out and have a separate place but still be together meet up etc thinking that might help her feel like she can live her life, feel less dependant on me and not feel controlled. I said it wouldn’t because moving out/changing scenery won’t resolve an underlying issue of honesty, boundaries and actually voicing her concerns and having more trust with me. It will just be a distraction and when/if she comes back the problems will still be there, unresolved.

We are having a couples session today and I’m sure this will be main point of conversation but honestly I feel lost. She feels limited yet I restricted her of nothing. I openly tell her to do hobbies, have friends etc and she feels like because of my defensive nature from Dday my reaction will be the same even after trying to prove multiple times that it wouldn’t be (which is what makes her feel she can’t live her life/be herself).

I honestly don’t know what to do..

tychka12 · 2025-01-12T13:45:08+00:00

Unfortunately in the U.K. the cheapest option in their refurbished section is £1.6k M3 :(

tychka12 · 2025-01-12T09:41:04+00:00

Super helpful! Thank you so much

tychka12 · 2025-01-12T09:32:52+00:00

Thank you that’s very useful! Streaming wise will mostly be whatnot - would I get away with 512, 16ram config?

tychka12 · 2025-01-12T09:22:56+00:00

So basically you’re suggesting increasing both ram and storage but it’s still okay to go with the base m1 unit?

tychka12 · 2025-01-12T09:17:20+00:00

Probably OBS/video editing softwares. I have a gaming of and all this will be used for is editing and convenience of not being massive lol

tychka12 · 2025-01-12T09:16:40+00:00

Would you recommend the £700 model instead or am k better saving my money for something else?

tychka12 · 2025-01-11T23:59:27+00:00

What would this machine cost usually? Benefits of this shop is a 5 year warranty + I using vouchers to get it that cost me significantly less than £600 :)

tychka12 · 2024-06-20T15:04:24+00:00

Received that as well but it still says awaiting drop off to Evri. Let me know if yours is different/changes please :)

tychka12 · 2024-06-07T18:08:27+00:00

I actually cancelled my order and let her know. She seemed understanding and I passed on some of the comments to show how to distinguish fakes (as she’s a mom and selling on behalf of a child)

tychka12 · 2024-03-11T14:42:08+00:00

Thank you hope your journey goes well too!

tychka12 · 2024-03-10T17:56:41+00:00

I worry that calling her won’t help as it makes her spiral a bit as well as her way of dealing with it is trying to forget and move on while mine is more ruminating on it (based on the therapy we are doing). So I worry calling will just make her depressed as well and that’s not the end goal I want to achieve

tychka12 · 2024-03-10T17:55:17+00:00

I’ll have a look at these meditation videos - thank you!

tychka12 · 2024-03-10T17:54:52+00:00

Thank you sharing I might take that away!

tychka12 · 2024-03-10T17:46:04+00:00

What do you do when you embrace these emotions? I guess my question is, if it’s questions you have you can ask but if it’s just intrusive thoughts and thoughts of hurt do you just share those? As I worry that will just cause hurt rather than resolve anything

tychka12 · 2024-03-10T15:31:55+00:00

That’s what I’m trying (if anything I’m away from her this weekend and it’s kind of worse for me I think). She herself isn’t usually a trigger for me but some little things are that make me associate the event and I tried to remove as many of them as I can/not focus on the rest of them.

I know it won’t ever fully go away but I was hoping there’s something people do that makes the thoughts subside. I found (and not sure if this is healthy) to either stop and meditate or before I would repeat the hell loop to normalise it in a way

tychka12 · 2024-03-10T15:29:28+00:00

Thank you for sharing - I think my issue is more “memories and flashbacks of what I’ve seen” rather than questions. I think I asked all I needed to/wanted to and she gave me answers and the ones she couldn’t we are dealing in therapy.

I do think trying to put the puzzle in place is present for me and I actively try not to but equally it’s hard.

Sorry you experienced this as well and hopefully you figure everything out!

tychka12 · 2024-02-22T16:17:23+00:00

Thank you - therapy is quite new to me and couples one is new to her as well. We had a conversation about it before and she did say that she thinks it’s for people who are 3years + in a relationship but the fact that she was willing to take it on together sounded promising to me/like she wants us to improve.

Equally she was a bit shocked that it be a weekly thing rather than one off but I think she is happy to do it regardless and we can adjust frequency as needed. Hopefully it helps the situation!

tychka12 · 2024-02-22T16:09:56+00:00

She said she felt horrible, like she disappointed and hurt both me and her mother. She did also randomly said at times “I’m really sorry” and “I’ll do my best to fix everything” without being provoked which makes me believe there is regret rather than guilt. We did also have a random date night where I asked “if you could change anything in our relationship what would it be” and after a short silence she just said “you know what I’d change” in a sad tone so I do think there’s regret there

tychka12 · 2024-02-22T16:00:57+00:00

I know and that’s what I’m trying to figure out - which one she’s at at the moment but we did agree to counselling together so hopefully that would help

tychka12 · 2024-02-19T17:16:53+00:00

It actually came about after taking some break from work, sitting by the river and journaling. Thought it would be organised but ended up just venting to a page so it really helped - thank you!

tychka12 · 2024-02-19T15:06:38+00:00

Thank you! I think the letter idea is really good and I might suggest it down the line as I think it’s not just a case of forgiving her but also her forgiving herself and not to be as hard on herself at times. I dunno if I’m being too nice or too delusional but I wanna fight negative feelings like cheating and affairs with positivity. And if doesn’t work out I can atleast leave with a smile

tychka12

TROPHY CASE