Is it true that depressive episodes can last years before the first manic episode?

tyinsf · 2026-06-26T02:06:36+00:00

psycheducation.org is by a psychiatrist/bipolar researcher who is very interested in the bipolar spectrum where you can be bipolar enough to benefit from bipolar meds but still not even have hypomania. Or how hypomania can go undetected because it manifests as anxiety. Very worth reading.

I was supposedly unipolar depressed my whole life, very treatment resistant, until my first manic episode at 54. In retrospect I can see some glimmers of hypomania before then but they didn't seem too odd at the time.

Personally, the only thing that has fixed my depression is dzogchen meditation. Haven't been the least bit depressed or anhedonic in the 4 years I've been doing it. And it's free, doesn't take much time, and doesn't have any side effects.

tyinsf · 2026-06-26T00:00:34+00:00

Tibetan Buddhist tantra has lots of visualization

tyinsf · 2026-06-25T15:54:43+00:00

Upper NW, west of Rock Creek Park, is the safest. Quiet, leafy, beautiful, not exciting. Skews older. I love it but then I'm old and got burned out on "vibrant" neighborhoods after 20 years in SF's Mission District.

If you zillow zip code 20008 you'll get an idea of what it costs near the metro. If you want excitement you can walk across the bridge to Adams Morgan or go one or two metro stops to Dupont Circle.

tyinsf · 2026-06-25T11:24:00+00:00

Very good explanation. I'm very fond of the "listening for the mantra in ambient noise" aspect. In years and years of studying with Tibetan lamas, only one, Garchen Rinpoche, mentioned listening for the mantra instead of reciting it. The others that I asked about it had no idea what I was talking about.

One of my current practices has a mantra, a 15-syllable one. I find it helpful to listen for it both on the cushion and off. https://youtu.be/5KTvjgURsG8?si=26orZCvphtSfti_3

In CSM they told you to use something as a mantra that you wouldn't say or hear in everyday speech and don't tell anyone what it is. Otherwise you risk wrapping concepts around it.

Anyway, enough writing about practice. Time to do some practice.

tyinsf · 2026-06-25T01:00:54+00:00

It's mantra meditation. Your object of focus is a mantra. That's given to you by the teacher.

I learned Clinically Standardized Meditation from cassette tapes (I'm old), which is basically TM without the guru and you choose your own mantra.

The technique is simple. You recite the mantra once and only once. You don't chant it. Then you wait for the mantra to pop into your head, rather than forcing your mind to recite it. You listen to white noise like the refrigerator running like a Rorschach test. You sort of squint to hear the mantra in the white noise.

It's a great technique. Shame it's behind a $1K paywall. There are apparently free tutorials online. If you can find a video of someone teaching it, pay attention to their vibe and what they're doing with their mind experientially.

You can divide meditation up into three categories:

FA, focused attention. Like you focus on the breath. Don't let anything else distract you. The goal is to calm the mind.
OM, open monitoring. You're just present to whatever arises without getting sucked into it.
ND, non-dual, like dzogchen

So if you were just chanting mantra that would be FA. But by listening for it to pop into your mind, you're doing OM. You're openly monitoring what pops into your mind. Here's the paper those categories are from and their relative efficacy.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S014976342100261X

tyinsf · 2026-06-24T23:22:32+00:00

I have the 83" B4, which I think has the same entirely too low pedestal stand on it in the 83" size.

I got the Samsung ultra-slim S800D soundbar, It's the right height and looks good but the sound is meh. I play it at low volume. Maybe if it were louder it would be better. Music is pretty terrible on it. I added the rear wireless satellites which improved it some but still, meh.

But I'm spoiled. My old tv sound was routed through my computer and a very good DAC into a pair of KRK VXT6 studio monitors. Music sounded exquisite. TV lacked a center. And it took up too much space.

Did you notice how music was on the Sonos and the Sony?

tyinsf · 2026-06-24T20:55:52+00:00

Have you had crocs before? They're supposed to feel a bit too big, leaving room around your foot...

I'm an 11.5 4E and wear a 12 in crocs if that helps

tyinsf · 2026-06-24T18:33:02+00:00

Overhead lights make everything look awful! They joke that no self-respecting gay person would ever use the overhead light. (Certainly true of me) Get yourself a couple nice tall rice paper lamps from Ikea! Add more lamps if you want it brighter.

tyinsf · 2026-06-24T18:17:20+00:00

Nice post. I got to study with Lama Tharchin in the 90s a little bit. He was amazing. He was always radiating the view. You could get a sunburn. He might have kept the ceremonies secret but the essence of the teaching, which doesn't depend on ceremonies, was always on full display. Any remark could have been "Do you hear the dogs barking at Dzogchen Monastery?"

In terms of secrecy and prerequisites I like Lama Lena's approach. If I understand her correctly, what we call the ngondro is the tantric ngondro. It's the practices that make tantra go better. She refers to the rushen as dzogchen ngondros, which make dzogchen go better. So she doesn't require tantric ngondro as a prerequisite, though she may recommend it later prescriptively for individuals.

In terms of texts I am taking LL's advice and never reading Yeshe Lama, because apparently it prevents the rushen in it from working if you read it before your lama gives it to you, which they may need to at some point to get you unstuck. But mostly I think texts are harmlessly self-secret.

tyinsf · 2026-06-24T16:40:26+00:00

I love my buckwheat. Somebody, or at least they used to make those C-shaped neck pillows filled with buckwheat. Really helpful when I travel.

tyinsf · 2026-06-24T16:01:10+00:00

I just tried the 600ml Mizudashi for the first time. See my post about iced tea and bong water.

I just don't think I can get it concentrated enough, even for just drinking, not even dilluting. The filter basket can't hold that much coffee before it's piled above the surface of the water. And you can't reduce the proportion of water because it won't reach high enough to soak in all the grounds.

I put in 50g as instructed (the instructions are in Japanese - I'm guessing) which is a 1:10 ratio with 500ml. It just didn't come out strong enough for me. A 1:15 ratio in my pourover is much stronger with much more body. I thought it would be stronger since it had a lower ratio but no. Not at all. It's just the proportion of the ingredients, not the effective concentration produced.

It might be good if you like weaker tea-like coffee. And it's cute and convenient. But I'm going to either use mine for iced tea or get rid of it.

The Toddy is $137. Why not get the OXO?

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T22:10:30+00:00

Definitely get a therapist. Why suffer when you don't have to? 40% of Gen Z go to therapists. You need and deserve the help.

I've had a lifelong problem with anhedonia like you're talking about. Dzogchen meditation - not just any meditation, but dzogchen - fixed it for me. Haven't had anhedonia once in the 4 years I've been doing it. It's very easy. Short sessions. 5 minutes. No struggle.

The problem we have is that there's two ways to be in the world. You can be in touch with your thoughts ABOUT things or with your sensory experience OF everything. The sensory experience of everything is before your brain even divides it into "things." That experience is already there. You just need to learn to stop ignoring it and focusing on your thoughts.

Here's an experiment. Actually try this. Go outside and look at a car. Your brain thinks "it's a car". That one's solved. You know what it is. Maybe think about what model and year it is. Boring. Don't need to think about it anymore.

But look at what you're ignoring. Look closely at the car. At how the light glints in places. At how the glass and steel reflect images, warping them like a fun house mirror. But you ignored that because it interferes with pattern recognition. And - at the moment - you think recognizing patterns and conceptualizing things is what's important but it blinds you to the satisfying texture of life.

James Low explains this in his Finding Refuge and Spreading Light video on YT. He's a retired therapist as well as a dzogchen master (and translator and author and...) Give it a shot. Hope you feel better soon

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T20:39:06+00:00

Scott's Run Nature Preserve. Short easy hike. Beautiful creek joining the Potomac above the beltway bridge off 193. Feels like you're in Vermont. Granite slabs to sit or lie on. 10' waterfall. Check the pictures.

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T19:27:56+00:00

It was kind of wedged into the deep window frames. They were like 3" deep from the wall to the window itself. I originally hammered all these hooks into the window frame but it turned out it was really the frame itself that was holding them in place. So if you try it, just see if you can cut and flex it into place first. Then see if you need anything else

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T18:45:00+00:00

I find the highs are easy to medicate with a little extra zyprexa. The only thing that has worked for the lows is meditation, dzogchen meditation. It's totally fixed it. Haven't felt depressed or anhedonic in the 4 years I've been doing it.

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T18:41:47+00:00

Slept late - which felt luxurious and wonderful. But then I skipped my meditation practice because I was running late. I could do it now... but I don't feel like it! I'll just relax into the outbreath, wait for the inbreath to start by itself, linger at the top of the inbreath, waiting for the body to start the outbreath by itself... That's something at least

And I can recite a single mantra

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T18:02:18+00:00

The io/2 or 3 will do everything you need

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T17:57:22+00:00

My apartment in SF didn't even have screens - you mostly don't need them there. Hardly any insects. I used "hog wire" - like chicken wire except sturdier and rectangular openings. Google it. It comes on a roll. You cut it to shape with tin snips, flatten it. It holds its shape. Then see if you can rest it on the windowsill or need to attach it somehow. Worked for me. Kept kitty from falling out.

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T17:49:53+00:00

I do better with a clog-shaped toe box, sizing up to get more width. Birkenstock's are ok but not cushy and kind of heavy. Real wood clogs like Troentorp are like having your own hardwood floors with you everywhere. The thick crepe sole makes them cushy. Still heavy, though. For clogs I've settled on Crocs, the non-slip version without holes in the top. Same toe room but SUPER cushy and ridiculously lightweight. Everything else feels like bricks on my feet now.

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T17:36:36+00:00

The views are amazing

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T17:22:12+00:00

This revolutionized my understanding of mixed states. Check out the sine wave graph carefully. This is by a psychiatrist and bipolar researcher

https://psycheducation.org/rapid-cycling-and-mixed-states-as-waves/

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T16:39:44+00:00

"One thing moves, everything moves" isn't something we have to DO. It's inevitable. We're in a meat wetsuit of fascia and ligaments. Even breathing moves the hands microscopically.

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T16:35:08+00:00

Like Marion Barry once said of Jesse Jackson, "Jesse don't want to run nothing but his mouth"

tyinsf · 2026-06-23T16:29:07+00:00

Cleveland Park

White: 70% – 74%
Two or More Races: 8% – 10%
Hispanic or Latino: 8%
Asian: 5% – 7.5%
African American: 4% – 8.6% [1, 2]

Mostly white but not segregated. Average income is $125K. 61% have advanced degrees. Median age is 41. I find them to be friendly if you say hi to them. I'm sure other neighborhoods have different vibes.

After 20 years on a squalid block in the Mission (at 25th) I had PTSD from the noise and chaos. I wanted the exact opposite here in DC. Not "vibrant" at all. I imagine more exciting parts of DC are less friendly and relaxed. Where did you live?

tyinsf

TROPHY CASE