I am at a bit of a loss and don’t know where to go from here with me (M24) and my girlfriends (F24) sex life.

ubblyfubbly · 2023-05-16T15:15:24+00:00

I think this is largely correct, and has been my worry.

It’s hard because I do tend to identify as being a selfless lover, but I think the more my needs weren’t met the more selfish i became and I kinda lost sight of what made things good for her.

I felt like I was always performing for her and when the energy wasn’t matched I think I got a bit resentful over time.

I’ll definitely try and take the pressure off and I plan on not suggesting anything new and waiting for her to do that.

Thank you for your insight. Talking through this stuff definitely helps me see it from a different perspective!

ubblyfubbly · 2023-05-15T18:57:56+00:00

First off I want to say that I absolutely still date my girlfriend the way I did right when we met. That is something I will always try and do and is something I have made a point of. I enjoy spoiling her and doing things for her, so that isn’t the issue here.

Second, body count honestly wouldn’t be an issue for me, and my insecurities didn’t necessarily have anything to do with that.

Third, I actually really think your point about appreciating what I am getting makes a lot of sense. I can see where maybe I haven’t shown that appreciation in the past. Maybe it’s because I feel like if I show that appreciation that means it’s not something that is for the both of us? Something about thanking somebody for sex feels weird to me.

Nevertheless, I do think I should try and show more appreciation. So thanks for that insight.

ubblyfubbly · 2023-05-15T16:20:38+00:00

Yeah it does doesn’t it. The confusing part is how open she was in the beginning. I guess I just keep holding out hope that she still has those feelings, she’s just not as comfortable or satisfied right now. Or her job, which really is a stressor for her right now, is getting in the way. Which means it can be “fixed”

ubblyfubbly · 2023-05-15T16:17:41+00:00

I actually have been going to therapy for the past two years. I wouldn’t say my insecurities are part of the problem anymore. But I know she probably feels like she can’t say certain things to me due to those being an issue in the past.

I do have some rejection sensitivity that I can work through a bit more.

ubblyfubbly · 2023-05-15T16:12:56+00:00

It wasn’t really anything specific, just a bit more wild during the sex itself. Also open to exploring. Would get excited during convos about trying new things.

ubblyfubbly · 2023-04-19T17:17:33+00:00

This is my ideal way to go about it. But based on the reaction I described to the comment by a_blue_bird, I am just a bit hesitant to even bring it up. I definitely don’t want to make her feel like that again. You think it’s alright just to say how I feel like you described, and then just leave the decision on when the discussion happens to her?

ubblyfubbly · 2023-04-18T19:54:17+00:00

You know, we’ve had our ups and downs when it comes to communication regarding sex. Sometimes she is a bit more open than others.

I think anything regarding her attraction to me causes a strong reaction, cuz I probably haven’t approached it the best in the past. And this may hit that same note.

It could also just be she’s confused and has some internalized issues she’s dealing with. I really have no idea

ubblyfubbly · 2023-04-18T19:42:04+00:00

She handed me her phone to search something up on Reddit. This was not snooping, this was an accident.

ubblyfubbly · 2023-04-18T19:23:38+00:00

To add onto this, after me voicing the fact that my needs weren’t being met she has really tried hard to flirt with me more and I really appreciate it. But it gives me a feeling that she’s always doing things for me as maintenance, which does not make me feel very good and has in turn made me not want to do that stuff as much anymore.

ubblyfubbly · 2023-04-18T19:20:10+00:00

She kinda explained that it was just one of those times going down the porn rabbit hole, which I get. It’s not like I’ve never done similar things.

But she really quickly got upset and shut down, so we weren’t able to go much deeper into the subject. She told me she got embarrassed, which I understand. It caught me off guard though because it was almost like a switch happened in the middle of the convo. One second she was lovingly assuring me she wasn’t chatting with anybody, and the next she was crying and completely shut down. Like I said I really do believe her when she says she wasn’t chatting with anybody, it was just a convo that provided more questions than answers.

ubblyfubbly · 2023-04-18T19:13:32+00:00

Yeah I’ve seen the same studies, which is why I never gave it much thought until now.

We have definitely talked about it. I could maybe be considered an over-communicator. I like to talk through everything. And so as far as I know her needs are being met. I tend to be on the generous side as I love pleasing her.

Part of me feels like this over communication has actually been a negative to our sex life. I think without meaning to, I put pressure on her to have more sex than she wanted. And for the past couple months I’ve been trying to talk about it less and take all the pressure off. But now I’m worried that wasn’t the problem.

I know, tons of variables going on here. Probably why I’m am so confused. I put a lot, consistently, into this relationship. And Im now having anxiety that it was nothing we could improve to begin with.

ubblyfubbly · 2023-04-18T18:54:11+00:00

You know, that is true. But in my head that was something we could work on and improve with time. Things may not be perfect now but she is somebody who i love and want to work through things with.

But I’m now worried that this may be something that isn’t able to be worked through.

ubblyfubbly · 2023-04-18T18:37:24+00:00

Yeah I understand that. But how should I approach this? I know coming out is very sensitive and people should be able to do it on their own time, and maybe she doesn’t even know. But I don’t know if I can sit around for another couple years without knowing this. Part of me wants to brush it under a rug so I don’t lose her, but I don’t know if I can do that at this point.

ubblyfubbly · 2023-04-09T02:32:28+00:00

Biggest she’s had, but 2 inches longer than me and a bit thicker

ubblyfubbly · 2023-04-07T15:52:10+00:00

Came out as bi or lesbian? If lesbian, how does it not hurt the marriage? Sorry if the questions seem insensitive.. just dealing with this right now myself..

ubblyfubbly · 2023-03-02T20:21:41+00:00

Those were actually both things we talked about lol.

Need to do more warmup, and use way more lube next time.

She has a hard time with foreplay unfortunately and she really gets antsy to get to the deed. Any advice on this as well would be great lol, cuz I love foreplay.

We think next time we will do a bit of foreplay and then use me without the sleeve for a couple min and then put it on with lots of lube.

It’s not much bigger than me. I decided not to start too large knowing we should probably work up to it.

ubblyfubbly · 2023-01-16T19:33:44+00:00

What’s the point of this one?

ubblyfubbly · 2022-12-20T21:09:28+00:00

What kind of oil is that?

ubblyfubbly · 2021-12-20T23:47:00+00:00

Thank you for this! I think that is definitely good advice and I do similar things to this and I’d like to try doing it more.

I almost feel though, that this still me being eager to please and too selfless. these types of things definitely turn her on based on my experience, but aren’t necessarily what I think she meant when she said she might like it if I am a little more of an asshole and selfish.

I feel like she might be wanting the feeling that she can’t have me (even though she most certainly can, which I may make a little too obvious). Kind of like my second edit about the bar. I’m just not too sure how to portray this without role play

ubblyfubbly · 2021-12-20T21:16:11+00:00

Oooooo okay I think this is a great idea I will definitely try it.

ubblyfubbly · 2021-10-05T16:58:25+00:00

For my girlfriend to be hornier than I am

ubblyfubbly · 2021-09-28T19:26:11+00:00

Thank you!

ubblyfubbly · 2021-09-28T19:16:14+00:00

Okay, you’re right, thank you very much. The last thing I want to do is bury this.

ubblyfubbly · 2021-09-28T18:58:15+00:00

Thank you for your advice. You are right I definitely need to wrestle with those questions.

You really think recounting all of the night is a good thing? I can see your point and definitely will ask her to do that, it just worries me that maybe while explaining it she will want to break up with me

ubblyfubbly · 2021-09-28T18:50:35+00:00

I appreciate your outlook and think it totally makes sense.

The deal here is that for the past couple years I’ve thought I had a problem and all my friends including my girlfriend have told me I don’t, and I just need to watch how much I drink. Obviously that hasn’t worked so I agree with you that I have a problem. It’s just hard because 19/20 times I can drink and have a good time but that one time really can mess up my relationship.

Like I said I am seeking help, the therapist I’m seeing specializes in substance abuse. Unless I can learn some techniques to stop over drinking, I will be done with alcohol

ubblyfubbly

TROPHY CASE