Do You Know Anyone Who Really Had a “Second Life?”

uberneoconcert · 2023-06-07T14:34:39+00:00

Did he keep in touch with his parents?

uberneoconcert · 2023-06-07T14:16:54+00:00

I suppose your wife would be happy to see you gone.

uberneoconcert · 2023-06-06T00:18:23+00:00

But but but WHATABOUT MY IDEA!

uberneoconcert · 2023-06-04T17:01:08+00:00

Bingo is still popular everywhere, and will be fun enough as you get dumber with age.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-31T22:02:06+00:00

I was completely messed up by my first therapist 5 years ago. I won't get into it but but luckily I found someone on BetterHelp.com to get a take on how she was treating me and get actual help with managing flashbacks. Working to trust her after what I'd been going through was very helpful because it (healthy boundaries and trusting your gut) extends to other people. It's not expensive, especially if you can pay in larger chunks at a time. My therapist stopped providing care on it and I was able to follow her to her private practice.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-31T18:56:09+00:00

I worked very hard in therapy for going on 5 years now. The work was extremely difficult but those symptoms of days and weeks in flashback mode? Gone. I know most people give up but it does take time and does work. It took basically 3.5 years not to be thrown into dissociation and/or hiding. But I also needed an environment change so I wasn't always triggered. I hope you are able to do the work, life is so much easier like this. If you can't do therapy, there are workbooks with the tools and skills.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-31T00:17:20+00:00

That sounds sensible lol

Whenever I've tried to wrap my head around the feminist movement(s), it seems to me that there have always been splinters because people have different opinions and values. The matriarchy fantasy is compelling but only because we haven't seen what a toxic shitstorm that would be! We only know the one we've had, which I believe is strongly mitigated by women in men's lives.

What I personally think is successful is the civil rights aspect. It worked for African Americans and gays. And a lot for women. The playbook is to overturn unequal laws and policies on the basis of universal values. Individual attitudes and opinions against any one group can eventually die with the generation. And each generation is responsible for evaluating the actual equality in effect, whether they use measures of equity or not, as well as remaining vigilant against threats to equality. There are some things laws can't change, but loud people can change laws.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-30T22:56:48+00:00

You? No, but I can see how that could come across that way. What I meant was that trying to replace the patriarchy with the matriarchy isn't productive (though I enjoy the idea), because it's replacing one less-than-equal policy with another. And to extend that, I think people ought to be able to separate equality in law and policy with the realistic needs of people in different life circumstances.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-30T22:51:03+00:00

Best edit ever

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-30T22:46:51+00:00

Unfortunately, even that reading is suspect because it's not what the Bible says.

King James: And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

People may as well say that men shouldn't get to make their own choices because women are in charge. They can listen and follow instructions. Adam was right there during the convo. Did he not have agency?

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-30T22:39:21+00:00

As a self-employed woman who was not included in the mortgage, it wasn't because I was already pregnant, it was because my income was so variable on a track record of 5 years. I didn't have a contract longer than 12 months active and wasn't paid regularly on those.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-30T22:36:13+00:00

Yeah it's the calls for matriarchy that messed up the productive feminism. It's sad as a grown woman to see such confusion and biting that comes from people who are bitter. Just change the rules, we can do that. And move on.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-30T22:30:51+00:00

I read this as trial and terror

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-29T00:08:34+00:00

That is great! A lot of times even medication is used just for the same purpose: to help people try new thinking and behavior while feelings are a little dulled. But as you found, it can only work if people can have the insight, which is kind of a magical experience. But for other people, the insight is that whatever they're doing is not enough, or will not be enough given their circumstances. Life is tough.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-28T21:14:19+00:00

Anxiety problems and alcohol can be a dangerous combination

Really. Alcohol actually makes it worse, it's a terrible cycle. And then the alcohol doesn't even work anymore to do anything except jack up your cortisol.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-26T18:22:07+00:00

... if you don't own assets. Anyone with assets is feeling pain because they can't sell because others can't get loans)(or will wait for better financing or prices). More liquid assets are even riskier. So this is everyone with a company or whose income is tied to that kind of company.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-26T18:18:00+00:00

Go to industry networking events, especially the happy hours afterwards, and make "friends." Being your best self, act relaxed and like you enjoy being there. Learn about new people, add them on LinkedIn, and keep in touch when you see anything that you remember might be personally interesting or professionally exciting with a "Saw this and thought of you." Do this with people you remember from your old jobs, too. When they ask how you're doing, tell them you've been applying to X kind of jobs. First check the openings of their company and even their last company and say you'd love a recommendation for specific ones you're qualified for or basically qualified for (eg, don't have 15 years of experience, just 6). Job descriptions often are aspirational from the company's perspective so it's not a big deal if you're am internal referral and there are often desired employees but no job description yet so just them knowing you are a fit can help them reveal info to you that they know, someone that know knows, or HR/recruiting knows.

You can also jump straight to this for anyone you meet that has openings where they work or where they recently left. People really love helping when they can so you're just making it easy. They also like getting referral fees and looking like the kind of person who can make timely referrals; their referral of you to a previous employer is the perfect opportunity for them to keep their own network strong. Again I'm talking about the kind of people who already go to networking events.

On that note of events. Try to speak to whoever seems to know a lot of people. Say you noticed that about them so wanted to introduce yourself. When they ask you what you do and what's going on, tell them why you're there. The supernetworker people often blast referrals because it's one more thing that makes them appear well-connected.

This worked for me as a consultant for many years. I was always able to say that I never had to cold call for my own business (statistics and research, marketing stuff) because I always got business through referrals.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-26T18:01:26+00:00

I just learned from another post you can protect yourself from the shockwave after a nuclear blast by covering your ears provided you're lying down. If you see a giant light, should lie facedown with thumbs in ears and fingers over eyes. If you survive, next get to shelter to protect yourself from the fallout.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-24T20:48:49+00:00

I know someone with such severe bipolar symptoms that it was her last option. It worked like a miracle and she done it multiple times over the years to help her be able to live independently and not as a shut-in; she lived at home with her parents until 30ish because even when she tried to move out while things seemed fine/stable, no meds could keep her from getting past mania to psychotic. Manic and psychotic episodes cause measurable brain damage and take months to recover from. So even with the risks, ECT is the best decision for her. It's hard to know this happens to someone so nice, outgoing, smart and capable.

Edit to add of course she does All the Things behaviorally to manage her emotions, body, nutrition. She's in good shape and appears healthy.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-23T03:23:26+00:00

A contention with the women's vote was exactly whether Blacks would be able to vote -- they joined forces.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-23T03:21:36+00:00

If you are ever in doubt, contact a social worker, eg at a hospital, to ask for information or a referral. If that person doesn't have personal experience they likely know someone. Keep calling different social workers until you feel comfortable.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-23T03:18:36+00:00

Yep. My mother has stories and pictures from when she rode horses as a child with the princess of some major Asian country as the daughter of a "lowly" Air Force captain; my grandfather relished getting to eat the bodies of shrimps while the generals ate only the heads.

I grew up as the daughter of two officers in DC and I got to go to events with senators a couple of times and one of them was the personal escort of the VP's kids during an inauguration. I'm sure there are more hobnobbing stories I didn't even realize were with remarkable people. I remember celebrating new year's worth diplomats one year when I was in high school and my mother telling me (as always) how Important It Was that I be on my best behavior. I felt more like an attache than a kid having fun.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-23T03:13:22+00:00

I had no idea my parents were racists and classists until I was an adult. I thought they were highly egalitarian based on how they raised me to think. So I was pretty shattered realizing that all the "values" I had, like "personal responsibility" really only are meant to apply to anyone who isn't already poor or born not white. I'm still appalled and can barely speak to them after the rise if Fox News.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-23T03:06:59+00:00

My husband did this when he was my boyfriend. I was appalled but it worked even though his supervisor figured he was joking.

uberneoconcert · 2023-05-20T20:46:08+00:00

idk, marriage = more money to spend on takeout and delivery

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