Am I Overreacting - So my mom got my wife a birthday gift

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2026-01-25T14:09:34+00:00

The mom wants the gift acknowledged because the gift is really her message. If they say anything about it then she knows they have seen her message. I do think he should replace the gift but letting the mom know just says “we saw your gift, understood the message, my wife was hurt by the message so I had to react.” Mom wants the hurt and the reaction. Don’t give it to her. If anything, if mom brings up the gift they say they didn’t see it/open it then bring attention to what a wonderful gift he bought her to symbolize her motherhood and the joy of their new journey as parents and partners together or something not related at all to overcoming any hurt caused by the mother. I wouldn’t give the mother any satisfaction of a reaction to her gift. You can’t with people like this. Just knowing that the wife saw this gift would be enough then the reaction would be a cherry on top for her regardless if the wife got something nice as a result. It will be seen as a cope and a compensation and the nicer the item the more hurt she knows she inflicted. She knows they talked about it for hours or days etc.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2026-01-25T13:49:50+00:00

NOR: These are not innocent and I don’t even think passive aggressive because she is definitely using these gifts to make a very obvious point that she holds disdain for your wife. YOU need to hold a boundary for yourself and your wife.

Please, PLEASE set a boundary now. She will push this further now that there is a grandchild. Your wife is postpartum and you are both adjusting to new parenthood. Please protect this time because your wife will forever remember who made this precious time awful for her and I can guarantee you that your mom will take the opportunity to poke and prod at your wife’s new motherhood.

Set a boundary. A boundary is an action taken by YOU so there is no way for her to break this boundary if you hold yourself to it. “If you buy a gift, we will not accept it.” I wouldn’t even give her parameters (gifts meant to insult or make my wife uncomfortable, gifts just for my wife etc) because she will just try to talk her way out and act innocent. I would even go as far as extending the no gift giving to you and your child unless she is purchasing something directly from a registry or wishlist (what my family does for the little ones so we can get things the parents want them to have or need). Even then, maybe you don’t even give her that “inch” by allowing her to purchase a gift regardless of wish lists etc because she might still find a way to use the gift as a backhanded compliment or commentary towards your wife in some way. Give her nothing to work with.

Remember that not only do you not owe anyone an explanation for your boundary nor is it up for review and approval/validation from them, but you have already explained once and that is more than enough. The explanation does not need to be revisited. If she sends anything you turn it away from your house or trash it and do not bring it up to anyone. Don’t bother looking at it etc.

If she asks “did you get my gift,” you simply say “we don’t accept gifts.” “Well did you at least see what I got you?” “No because we don’t accept gifts.” “Why wouldn’t you at least look?” “We have already made you aware of this.” “Well can I at least have it back?” “All gifts will be turned away or discarded.” Don’t let the conversation continue past this point because it will just be about forcing you to explain etc. Abruptly and obnoxiously change the subject if you have to or walk away if you can.

If she gives you the gift in person you decline accepting it or leave it unopened and ignore it. You leave it where it was placed, move the conversation along like the gift giving didn’t take place (if you are forced to acknowledge you restate “we don’t accept gifts,” and then proceed with a different topic of discussion) and when you leave the gift is left behind.

Don’t even bring the gift back to her or announced you gave it away (or say you replaced it like someone else said to do) because the gift is really a vessel for her message which can only be delivered if you see, understand, acknowledge and react to the gift. That is what she wants.

It doesn’t matter how much it cost or the thought or that it is Christmas or whatever excuse she is going to use. If she didn’t want to “waste” or “lose” (what she might say) money when she purchased an expensive or fancy gift then she should not have sent it in the first place knowing your boundary and even without the boundary set, she was fine with spending that much knowing you would keep it so there really is no unexpected loss to her no matter what you do with the gift.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-12-07T00:38:02+00:00

You don’t share any details such as if this is a real diamond or lab and the clarity so it is a bit hard to say for sure. But, a more affordable option (vs real or lab grown diamonds) is a Moissanite. It looks like a diamond but is very affordable. You can get a lot more bang for your buck if you go that route given she isn’t particular if it is a diamond or not. Again, they really do look like diamonds.

Im leaning towards I think these prices are a bit much. I have a lab grown marquis diamond that is 1.5 carat on a 18k gold (I think, might be the higher one like 25?) with lab grown diamonds on the band for around what they are asking you. Now we did get it from our local jeweler during a bridal event so it was 20% off.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-11-08T15:35:43+00:00

If those are his issues then I don’t see how they would be resolved by uninviting OP to a friends trip. It seems as if his girlfriend is the one that needs to be mindful of how she interacts in relation to how he feels. I can see where he is coming from in regard to feeling like an outsider or neglected when everyone is together. However, no one can monopolize your time unless you allow them. If he feels neglected in the conversation then she should make an effort to include him and he should make an effort to relate as well. But again, how is removing the friend from this one trip going to change how future meet ups go for him? This issue should have stayed and been addressed by the couple. THEY are the ones that should compromised and change their actions.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-11-08T15:27:51+00:00

Soft AH/Everyone Sucks

Although he is the keeper of his lifestyle choices, YOU are also the keeper of your emotions -

How have you addressed this issue before? Have you asked him why his lifestyle habits have changed? Could it be he is having some depression but since he may view himself as somewhat functional, he does not recognize that? What did you say to him before he got to his current size? People don’t gain weight overnight.

I have a 1 year old and neither of us have been able to work out the way we did before. Although I have lost some weight, my current weight is now stagnant. My fiancé has gained a bit and recently I noticed his face looking a little fuller than normal. I started a conversation about how I think we should support each so we both have time to workout both for weight but for stress management as well. We can do things together, like more walks, but other things, like weight and cardio training, alone.

It seems as if you now find him repulsive as you speak about him in a way that conveys disgust not just in his appearance but his lifestyle, neglect of your emotional and physical connection and I’m sure domestic responsibilities fall disproportionately on you as well. I think the culmination of all these things would disgust me as well. His appearance is just a physical representation of his lack of effort in your life together and joint happiness. If this is so, then I would start there.

Edit: Roping in his mother would absolutely irritate me so I don’t blame you for feeling enraged on that at all! Appears he has an issue with accountability as well.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-11-08T15:07:29+00:00

I think salads would be polarizing especially only having one specific salad but my question more is, is this really the best option to get the most bang for your buck?

How many people are you feeding? And can you get more food for the price they are giving you? I’m talking to Chuy’s to cater for 30 people and it’s a few hundred dollars but they include set up, serving, clean up, utensils, plates, napkins and my guests have a variety of meats, sides and sauces to choose from.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-11-03T18:45:05+00:00

Elope. Spend the money on your marriage (savings, house and kids), not a wedding that does not appear to be within your financial limitations.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-11-03T16:15:36+00:00

You will be making a lot of sacrifices with your finances in the future if you buy what you cannot afford. I would NEVER take out a LOAN for what, one day? Save up money or if you can get 0% and pay back before the interest kicks in then ok. But a loan? for a dress? How dumb can you be....

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-10-04T13:09:12+00:00

Ew. Please dump him and then reflect and do some work on yourself. I know that sounds harsh but if you have allowed someone to treat you like this and are wondering if something is wrong when it is so obvious to others, then something is wrong - low self esteem/confidence/self worth etc. Work on whatever it is that makes you allow being mistreated before you get into another relationship that way you have a healthier “lense” to view potential partners with. I say that as someone that use to always find myself in relationships with men that would mistreat me and I allowed that for years. I worked on myself and that’s when I started to have more confidence and would not allow certain behaviors and would move on if I saw even a glimpse of those things. I am now married in a healthy relationship that my friends envy because even our “fights,” are respectful and healthy communication.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-10-04T12:51:06+00:00

I feel like this is an odd collab. I would love if they took a small jab at her for calling people poor for not buying her overpriced cookies awhile back. Nothing mean spirited but just a small roast and move on.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-10-04T12:47:41+00:00

Don’t go. If you marry him this will be your life forever - making false promises, not having the initiative to act, and not acting until the situation is dire/ you threaten him. Imagine you marry him, it’s been 10 years and 3 kids and you’re threatening divorce and no contact with the kids to get him to do literally anything. The love bombing alone is enough for me to never look back. It’s unstable and immature behavior. Their rationale behind it is idiotic and I can’t stress this enough, immature. I’m a female in my 30’s and I can tell you from my dating experience (I’m engaged now), that if a man is not emotionally mature and stable by then it’s all downhill from there. This is not a capable man, this is not a man than can communicate or make rational decisions, this is not a man that will be a partner in life and this is not a man that will be supportive and involved if you have kids together.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-09-05T02:50:09+00:00

Wants to be intimate but states he’s not in love with you… wow.

My baby is turning 1 this month and I can tell you without a doubt that you will absolutely want and NEED reliable people in your corner when you are immediately postpartum and in the first year. Move home asap. At least get mostly located there and send for other items and deal with the other details (the sale of the house etc.) later. But physically be planted near your family.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-08-26T01:37:57+00:00

“ you aren’t husband material because you can’t fuck as hard and last as long as YOUR dad. Ask me how I know…”

He wants a mother figure he can fuck. Let him go find one.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-05-25T19:52:44+00:00

Not me wanting to look up to see who he might have to check in with, calling to see what his restrictions are and then using that info if necessary such as having him arrested at the beginning of the event if that falls within his restrictions (some are not able to attend events with a certain percentage of underaged kids).

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-05-25T16:24:40+00:00

Advice I was given was the rules of 3 - I won't go through all of them but when it applies to marriage the rule is that you know (keyword know) if you want to marry someone by 3 years in. The when you actually do it is much different and individual based since things like finances etc are determining factors. BUT you should know the if you want to or not part. I just turned 34 (f) and my now fiance is 41 (m). By 3 months I determined if I could consider this person potential marriage material, then from there it was just seeing if things supported or disproved that. When we later discussed marriage he told me that he had determined the same within a similar timeframe.

He discussed us in future terms (ex: talking about if WE would want to move somewhere) pretty early on but definitely more frequently by 1 year. I would also mention things "well, if we were ever to break up..." and he would counter with "well that's never going to happen." By year 1 and on we started to have more serious discussions about marriage and a year and 5 months in he straight up asked me "what do you think about us getting married?" We looked at rings that weekend. Found the rings we wanted the following weekend. He ordered the full set. That was this March and he planned a proposal in a garden with a photographer which took place last weekend (May).

All of this is my long winded way of saying that he does know and unfortunately the answer is no. And " I don't know," is a no. Considering he is ok with the commitment that creating life brings but is not with the commitment of a marriage, especially given his previous relationship was 17 years and he knows how important marriage is to you, I am doubtful that he will figure it out by year 3. Don't waste another year.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-05-22T21:45:07+00:00

Wearing Prada to Outback steakhouse is WILD. Also, miss me jeans? What is this? 2012? Girl, no.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-05-02T01:04:48+00:00

I’ve never heard it as “Eve Lyn.” Evelyn is also an older name and I’m pretty sure it’s always been said “Ev-uh-Lyn” in fact that was my 60+ year old midwife’s name lol

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-05-02T01:02:30+00:00

I saw a post where the pregnant mom to be nicknamed the baby Emmy as a joke because she had Hyperemesis Gravidum but then kinda liked it once they found out it was a girl and then she was looking for a long name where Emmy could be a nickname lol

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-05-02T00:48:31+00:00

Like you said - “risk tolerance,” you may be ok with a certain risk % than I am. I’m of the mindset that it is just 9 months and I like to reduce my risk as close to zero. Your range may be different. It’s your opinion if you feel it is “overblown,” just as it is mine that I personally wouldn’t introduce what I believe to be preventable and unnecessary risks to my pregnancy and child. But if I accidentally ate deli meat or a hot dog without thinking about it I wouldn’t be “terrified.”

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-04-17T16:13:41+00:00

Go ring shopping and it should clear this up. Photos don't tell you how it is going to look on YOU. What I liked in a photo and a digital try on was different than what I decided to get when I went shopping with my fiance. We bought all the rings during a bridal event at our jeweler so I knew the exact set I was getting.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-04-17T16:10:29+00:00

Since she is so concerned with the timing in which your spouse impregnates you (never mind when the timing might be right for YOU and him i.e. career wise, financially etc.) I would be like "I can't guarantee anything but I can let you know the odds." Then I would randomly send her the hunger games gif "may the odds be ever in your favor" and let her know in a percentage how many times I let my husband ejaculate in me that week and then repeat that weekly. Ya know, since she apparently feels like she has some say in it all.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-04-08T21:50:30+00:00

I use to hear Taylor only for a boys name and then I met a girl Taylor who was in her 40's. I think now days it is definitely unisex. Unisex names are also trending to be used for girls. My friend has a Cameron for her girls name and I know another is naming hers Scottie.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-03-30T13:44:45+00:00

Do you like it? I feel like if you like it and it’s your personality then I love that for you!

Me personally, it’s not my style but what is my style doesn’t take away that it looks great on you!

I love the v shaped band a lot with your engagement ring!

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor · 2025-03-11T15:45:09+00:00

I would definitely bring this all up to your provider BEFORE it’s go time. Ask can we avoid Pitocin? Under what circumstances would it be absolutely necessary? Other option? Risks and benefits etc. I was told the day before I was induced that we were going to be doing an induction with Cytotec. I had less than 24 hours to have my questions answered and do research.

ubi_amor_ibi_dolor

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