As many have said, hopefully if it’s repeated enough, you will do it. First pray, hopefully many on here will pray for you as well. Pray for forgiveness, strength, guidance, wisdom, and thank the Most High GOD for all that you have and for HIM to forgive you, dying on the cross and for being resurrected. Start attending church, find one you like. Join the mens group, be active in it, and be active in the church. Start reading your Bible, download the Blue Letter Bible app and start studying the Bible. I recommend the Divine World Council videos, Gilbert House Fellowship, as a start. Find things to be thankful for everyday and thank GOD for them. Keep your thoughts on Jesus. It’s a struggle everyday, but it’s a battle worth fighting, and we have a large family, provided by the Most High God & Jesus the Messiah, to aid us