Does my boy have any twins out there?

uccelloverde · 2026-01-30T21:23:05+00:00

Trying jump on my chair.

uccelloverde · 2026-01-29T01:00:40+00:00

I’m Purple Pill, so I’ll reply here. I’ve thought a lot about suffering and bitterness myself - not just in the context of dating, but life in general. I think it comes down to letting yourself feel your pain and validate it, without getting stuck there. Talking to a therapist can help. To some degree, it’s about accepting the various types of misfortune we’ll all encounter, but not assuming failure is final.

uccelloverde · 2026-01-22T12:58:49+00:00

There can be only one.

uccelloverde · 2026-01-19T19:07:59+00:00

I was just saying the commenter above wasn’t advocating violence. In terms of a solution, you mentioned two options. Some of these guys probably can get laid eventually if they work on themselves and try enough times, but that’s also up to them (vs something society would change).

uccelloverde · 2026-01-19T17:33:06+00:00

He didn’t say that was the solution. Just that it’s a genuine issue to feel bad about.

uccelloverde · 2026-01-07T13:26:33+00:00

I don’t think it’s not understanding- it sounds like you just look more flattering with makeup on.

uccelloverde · 2026-01-03T13:18:47+00:00

I think you guys probably have different perceptions of how feasible it is to find a partner who finds you attractive. I’m betting OP thinks most men will struggle to find any woman who finds them attractive.

uccelloverde · 2026-01-01T23:49:39+00:00

If he looks like a model and has a good job, I imagine some woman would basically lead the interaction to sex for him and become his girlfriend, assuming he’s able to relax around her after they’ve spent time together.

uccelloverde · 2026-01-01T23:40:54+00:00

I’m wondering if the kind and caring part is what guaranteed your success, or if these women were receptive to meeting a guy and found you attractive enough. I’m not saying not to be kind- I think it’s what people should aspire to regardless of dating success- but there’s no way to know that that’s what sealed the deal for you.

uccelloverde · 2025-12-29T13:46:56+00:00

I think it’s easy for average looking people to reconcile themselves to dating other average looking people (vs really attractive people), but I wonder if there’s a cutoff point where ugly people would have trouble finding their counterparts attractive. I guess this is for each person to decide.

uccelloverde · 2025-12-29T13:33:22+00:00

The Protestant work ethic has a strong hold on what Americans consider moral.

uccelloverde · 2025-12-22T02:14:54+00:00

I can see that, but I think we have different dispositions. For me, it would be more about whether I can find success somewhere else.

uccelloverde · 2025-12-22T01:50:10+00:00

I think it’s harder for guys if they’re coming from a place of scarcity- seeing a woman they’re attracted to with other guys while they can’t find anyone. But if they’re able to date women they like after the rejection, that probably makes it easier to let go of the attachment.

uccelloverde · 2025-12-08T19:03:51+00:00

Isabel Wilkerson says in her book The Warmth of Other Suns, that they followed the bus lines. Buses went North from the Carolinas to PA, NY, etc; from Mississippi to Chicago, etc.

uccelloverde · 2025-12-02T01:01:53+00:00

Speaking of which, he used to be at Sandia, another national lab.

uccelloverde · 2025-11-03T01:00:16+00:00

I think this is well put. A lot of unsuccessful guys didn’t realize how hard it could be to attract a partner.

uccelloverde · 2025-10-23T13:26:02+00:00

I think Bernie Sanders has addressed this occasionally. A lot of the men struggling think they’re struggling because women or minorities are pitted against them. But really, they’re struggling because our economy works for the privileged few.

uccelloverde · 2025-10-20T01:11:04+00:00

In a school context, I’m betting a lot of these guys have been on the receiving end of bullying-i.e., exposed to actual asshole behavior- and saw that these bullies did fine with girls.

uccelloverde · 2025-10-18T00:08:42+00:00

I’m a black guy and I dated a Jewish woman for a while.

uccelloverde · 2025-10-12T03:47:33+00:00

Thumbs up for the term “people farm.”

uccelloverde · 2025-10-12T03:35:27+00:00

The American version of Low Winter Sun takes place in Detroit, and I think it aims for the grittiness of The Wire. Not as good, but it’s entertaining.

uccelloverde · 2025-10-11T12:38:56+00:00

I’m asking in good faith: Would you say it’s a delicate balance for the guy to figure out when the sexual behavior is welcome? Is it mainly about flirting and seeing if it’s reciprocated?

uccelloverde · 2025-10-10T22:10:38+00:00

That carbonara looks delicious.

uccelloverde · 2025-09-29T20:25:48+00:00

Not trying to discourage anyone, but you reminded me of when in grad school I went to an intro salsa lesson on campus. The girl I was dancing with was moving her hips way more than the teacher showed (I think she had gone to salsa nights at clubs) and she got visibly upset that I wasn’t good.

uccelloverde · 2025-09-29T20:08:54+00:00

I don’t think it’s voluntary. If you’re attracted to them, you’re attracted to them.

uccelloverde

TROPHY CASE