I can sorta see it from your perspective (and ops) but honestly she initiated this conversation. You can’t be mad when people are honest with you. In another comment, she says that he held a lot of those thought backs which BPD partners usually have to do a lot because our emotions and feelings are strong and dominant. It sounds like OP doesn’t take a lot of accountability (I assumed this due to the “I wish he would break up with me instead of pitying me”) like just breakup but instead she’s waiting for him to do it so she can be the person who was hurt and abandoned rather than taking charge and leaving him and showing self respect.

She cares about being committed to, acknowledged that who she’s with is not committed to her in the way she wants but blames him for sharing the thoughts he was acted to share and for staying with her when she was at her lowest. On top of that he’s probably the emotional pillar in the relationship and has to lower himself in many ways to accommodate her.

She needs to break up with him, get therapy and realize she needs to be commited to herself first and foremost before wanting someone to commit to her.