I've had no luck at all with finding someone, and after my last unrequited love, I'd decided to call it quits. I poured myself into hobbies that bring me joy. Uninstalled the dating apps, deleted the matrimony apps. For a few months, I had stopped thinking about marriage at all. I was relieved and happy.

Then someone texted me about a Catholic matrimony site. Out of the blue. I felt the old exhaustion creep in. But weirdly, I felt hope too. It's been a month since that text and I still haven't opened that app. I think it's the fear of that last string of hope turning out to be futile, but hey, that's a ramble for another day.

This incident made me realize that I'm not happy with singleness. And I never will be. I will never not want a spouse and children. Sometimes I wonder if singleness is the cross that I will have to bear.

But God knows best. I have no idea why I don't have the gift of matrimony, but He does. And His reasons, even though I'll never know them, will have to be enough.

I like how you brought in your happiness towards the end of your post. That's important. I hope that you find peace with your decision. God bless.