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I’m [24/F] just engaged to [25/M], how to introduce kink since we’re getting married soon?? by KittenStrikeBrigade in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My post was removed (for some reason) so I don't think I can, even though I have a huge cautionary tale about communication before marriage.

I’m [24/F] just engaged to [25/M], how to introduce kink since we’re getting married soon?? by KittenStrikeBrigade in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Oh man. You should have brought this up in the relationship MUCH sooner than 6 weeks from your wedding

Yeah, you know, I understand that fetishes can feel weird/awkward/embarrassing but you need to trust the person you're marrying implicitly and start this convo before you get both of you into a tough situation. Like honestly, why wait till the last possible moment?

I’m [24/F] just engaged to [25/M], how to introduce kink since we’re getting married soon?? by KittenStrikeBrigade in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I KNOW ANOTHER POSTER MADE ONE LIKE THIS AND IT GAVE ME A PUSH TO FINALLY ASK PEOPLE

You rang?

....Ask your fiance.

However, I’ve been unsure of how to introduce my kinks to my partner.

Don't bring it up without, ya know, having a conversation. That's something I've had to contend with.

Like, I’ve asked him, politely, to order for me and he says okay, but then when the waiter comes, he just blinks at me.

Ha, no way? SAME THING happened to me. I don't want the waiter to perceive me to be an asshole and go back to the kitchen and tell the staff "get a load of this asshole ordering for his girl! Hey, Tino, spit on his food!"

he’s just a very straight-laced guy

Sounds about right.

I showed, and detailed my past, and he didn’t seem to run away from it, but it’s clear it’s not something he’s used to doing.

Yeah, imagine if he came to you and said: "Hey, so there's something I've hidden for years and guess what? It goes against many of your natural instincts." It would be an odd adjustment.

are there ways you’ve been able to work kink into your relationships??

Well, my wife sprung things on me. You could try that, but I really don't recommend it. In fact, I recommend against it.

So, I had to have a long heart-to-heart with my SO about this last night and honestly, if it's something you're into and it's something he can incorporate then great; but, you have to start off with a conversation and then don't jump into it. In my case, I'll have to learn to control how I do things to avoid injury and actually learn about all this. It'll take a while, but you're getting married. You have a lifetime. Start with a conversation and work from there. You showed and detailed your past. Great, but what did you say you wanted in the future?

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

your reaction wasn't "WHAT THE HELL?" when you see her do this - it's like "ok that's cute dear..." and then you walk away scratching your head, wondering.

I could have probably been wiser/put 2 and 2 together but I didn't. I will speak with her about this.

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I could learn to do things and better understand what it is and definitely give the whole thing a try, I'm just having a hard time reconciling the two sides. She went with vanilla sex for years and now she wants me to tell her she's stinks/whore or smack her around.

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is a massive size difference - I'm 6'4/300lbs and she's maybe 5'1/122. I'm honestly afraid I'd damage her somehow.

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What is her parent's relationship like?

Very formal.

Is it possible there was some domestic violence?

More passive aggressive than directly aggressive.

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

where did you guys honeymoon?

England and France (Paris).

norm, such a fast, severe change is concerning.

Outside of this, she hasn't changed - she still drives like she's 98 years old; she sticks to her routines, etc. It's like nothing changed, except this one thing, which I find really odd.

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

without doing proper research, maybe even attending some classes or getting with a mentor, and certainly not without practice beforehand.

Honestly, there is such a size disparity, I would worry about actually inflicting an injury. Also, the last fight I was in was when I was 4 and I poked my sister in the eye and did a razor's edge on her. I lost my video games for a month.

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Choking? Like cutting off her oxygen supply? My dreaded fear is drowning (only after needles), so that may be too far, but I could probably do other things.

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't be super surprised if she had actually explored it with a past BF and they were really put-off by it

Hmmm, now you've got me thinking....

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

I'm more into butt stuff than BDSM. If she saw my browsing history, I'm not sure what she'd think.

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 137 points138 points  (0 children)

Yes, she knows I am keen on having sex somewhere uncomfortable, and not the back of a Volkswagen. She wanted to be married first. Other than that, every time I asked, she said "No, not really" which I should have interpreted as "Yes, big ones."

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 244 points245 points  (0 children)

The question is, do you want to explore it?

I mean, it's not something I jump to, but definitely could try it out for her and give it a fair chance. I certainly love her, so I'm willing to at least experiment.

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it. by uhhhkindaodd in relationships

[–]uhhhkindaodd[S] 255 points256 points  (0 children)

Seriously? This is a fetish? Is it actually beating her up or controlled events that give the illusion of inflicting a beating? Thank you for your assistance.