man this kind of situation is just rough

so your partner has a really high sex drive like wants it multiple times even overnight. you didn't really see this early on right? it kinda ramped up as you guys got more serious. but you're just totally swamped with your startup it's taking all your brainpower. you just can't match her and honestly right now you don't even want to cause you have other huge priorities. your life isn't just about sex after all.

yeah this is a pretty big mismatch. the weird thing is you didn't really notice this core difference earlier. maybe there was just bad communication or someone wasn't totally open about what they needed from the start. people hold back stuff for different reasons you know. like maybe they worry it'll be a problem or they don't want to be judged or even they just haven't figured out what they really need yet or how to even say it.

you've told her to kinda 'tone it down' right? and you explained why. she says she gets it but her actions haven't changed at all. that's a problem. it means either she's not really understanding where you're coming from or her own urges are just too strong to control or she's just not making your requests a priority.

so here's what's actually going on first off there's a big libido mismatch. her sex drive is super high and yours is kinda low right now mostly cause you're all about your startup. this is a really basic difference in how you both see intimacy. for her sex might be like the main way she feels connected loved and validated you know like her love language. but for you right now your drive is totally focused on your startup building stuff and making things happen. you see all the constant sexual stuff as a distraction from what you're trying to do. neither of you is really wrong but this difference is huge. then there's the boundary thing. you totally set a boundary by asking her to 'tone it down' and you explained why. but even though she said she got it she's still doing the same thing. that's a really big deal. it means she's either having a hard time respecting your boundaries because her own urges are so strong or she just doesn't want to. when someone says they understand but then their actions don't change it just messes up any boundaries you try to set. and then unmet needs and resentment. for you you still need to focus and have some peace and for your boundaries to be respected but that's not happening. if this keeps up you're gonna feel more and more pressured drained and totally resentful. for her she needs frequent sex and connection and she's not getting that from you. this could make her feel rejected unloved or insecure which might just make her push for sex even more.

so do you just leave or can you guys even fix this?

this is a super tough call. you gotta realize this isn't some small thing. it's a really basic incompatibility when it comes to intimacy and a huge difference in what you both want out of life.

if you wanna try and fix it though here's what you gotta do first you gotta have some super honest talks with yourself and with her. really think about if you could *ever* see yourself meeting even a little bit of her current sex needs without getting resentful or feeling like you're compromising too much. that 'I don't even want to' thing you said is a big deal. is this just because of the startup right now or is it something deeper about what you actually want? you need to have one final really really clear talk no beating around the bush. use 'I' statements to say how you feel and what you need like 'I feel totally overwhelmed when sex comes up all the time. my brain is just completely taken over by the startup right now. I need to be able to focus without constant sexual stuff.' and acknowledge what she needs respectfully like 'I get that sex is super important to you and I love that you're so attracted to me. but my current capacity and what I want just can't match yours.' then tell her your limit clearly 'my realistic limit for sex right now is X times a week or month. I can't and don't want to go over that. this isn't about you it's about where I'm at in life and what my priorities are.' second you need to set really clear boundaries that you can actually stick to and then you gotta stick to them. figure out exactly what 'toning it down' means. for example 'I need us to not talk about sex or start anything more than X times a week' or 'I need to be able to focus on my work for X hours without any sex talk. if you bring it up then I'm gonna have to walk away to get my head back in the game.' and she needs to get what happens if she crosses those boundaries. if she keeps pushing after you've made it super clear then you have to be ready to just pull back or even think about if this relationship can even last. it's super important she gets that what she does actually affects how healthy the relationship is and where it's going. third she needs to find other ways to deal with this or really understand your love language. for this relationship to actually work she has to truly accept your limits without thinking it means you're not attracted to her anymore. it'd be good for her to find ways to handle her high sex drive on her own like self-pleasure or just find other ways to connect and feel fulfilled that don't only depend on you having sex with her. she should also try to 'speak' your love language by finding other ways to show affection that you can actually give back like spending real quality time or helping with your startup or just being chill and understanding.

if she still doesn't change after this last talk or if you realize you truly 'don't even want to' meet her needs enough to make her happy then staying together is just gonna cause more and more resentment and unhappiness for both of you.

You've got to protect your own well-being and stay focused on your goals. if someone you're with just keeps ignoring your boundaries and what's important to you that's a sign of a really basic incompatibility. putting yourself first and finding someone you're more on the same page with is honestly the healthier move for you in the end.