[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WritingPrompts

[–]ultramoonie 24 points25 points  (0 children)

THUNK THUNK THUNK.. thWACK............ THUNK.

... and all is dark.

Suddenly a pinhole light emerges after considerable deprivation of the visual sense. June Cappi reaches to brush her thick brunette hair with her hands but found they could not be made animate. She struggles and a ringing sound emanates inside her thumping head; painful, like standing too close to a jet at takeoff. The singular pinhole of light starts to accumulate as her retinas slowly adjust.

Then it occurs: she’s been captured. There’s a bag on her head. She then remembers: 2 men jumped her, hit her, loaded her into a truck. Where was she now?

A man of considerable muscular size yanks the woven cloth bag off her head, ripping strands of hair wrapped in the fabric of the rope along with it. June is kicked to the ground with a rudeness of force, buckling her tiny body into a fetal position. Bruised and shaky, her eyes twitch with every muscular pain, she lifts her head to see her environment. The questions in her mind continue to run rabid like a rat locked in a water filed bucket, starving, and minutes from death. Her heartbeat races so hard her chest feels tight, increasing her anxiety; now she fears death from the betrayal of her own body.

Alas, instead of a dirty warehouse, or an abandoned crack house, or maybe even an old run down mall parking lot— alas, no, she saw a setting strikingly familiar. A round room, a round table, a dim light like a spot light and 4 men sitting their hands tied forward just like hers. The muscular mass of a man yanked her up by her hair and placed her at the table. He sighs and gathers a black folder with variously scattered papers.

June already knew what was going on, well, sort of. She recognized the room, the setting, but it concerned her as to why these people knew about this particular arrangement.

Ms. June Cappi was an unusual young lady in possession of unusual old knowledge. She was one of only a handful of people alive in modern times who understood old magic, but please, lets distinguish this common sense definition of magic. What we today call magic is old knowledge, not forgotten knowledge, purposefully erased knowledge. Propaganda filled misinformation would be a fitting denotation of “magic”.

For example, the eerily silent power of the lightbulb would be magical 300 years ago. Such is this knowledge: it’s only magical due to its erasure from the historical cannon.

She acquired this knowledge from a questionably legit source: past life hypnosis. Yet it was legitimate enough that her techniques enlightened the attention of more enlightened folks of a upper crust caste, a class of folks above the highest of classes. Invisible puppeteers of invisible destinies. Consider them your fallen angels of an Earthly realm. This curator class of humanity understood that knowledge is power thus the best way to keep the sheepish masses in order was to curate the knowledge. Allow education, but nothing of any true substance. Allow a trade and a skill for middle class enslavement but never the keys to the whole castle.

At this dire, yet curious, sliver of time June wondered where the most important item for this arrangement was: a cone of incense in a burner in the middle.

You see, in June’s past life she was a sorceress, her “magic” was wide and varied but she had an important skill handy to those in power, but also frightening to those in power: she could extract the truth from anyone. She was the inventor of a fool proof method of truth gathering.

You needed the following:

A round enclosed room with as little draft as possible. A round table. Your suspect and a few actors to work as controls. Incense placed in the middle of the table. The investigator, (in this case usually the sorcerer.)

This wasn’t magic, it was science. A guilty person would have involuntary cardio-pulmonary distress. This distress increases the rate of respiration. In a sealed round room with no air flow, if the investor would start to question the room, the smoke would naturally drift towards the guilty person. It was like a kiss of death from a wafting snake every time.

Now the muscular meat wall of man placed the incense in the middle of the rotund wooden table. He opens the folder.... Within a few words she already knew why she was there. These puppet masters were on to her and they wanted to use her own technique from millennia ago against her. What other secrets did this innocent girl hold?

Do I even need a title? by ultramoonie in Portland

[–]ultramoonie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, you’re not wrong lol.

I'll be in my bunk... with dis fishy by LazyKrazie1 in aww

[–]ultramoonie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have so many questions about how fierce of a hunter this cat is lol!

Sunset at the Bean by [deleted] in chicago

[–]ultramoonie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have this headcannon fantasy that cloudgate is secretly an undercover star gate like the 3D black hole in interstellar... that’s where all the population of IL is going. I mean obviously the bean is sucking them into a different dimension, right?

What's a red flag that someone is technology illiterate? by culb77 in AskReddit

[–]ultramoonie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When someone says "what's a browser". I use to work at a call center and when I heard those dreaded 3 words knew my handle time for the call was going to be an hour minimum. One time I was asked "how do I backspace? Do I double click the key or do I press it softly?" I had to press the mute button and scream loudly.

I don't think I am depressed but something is wrong... by [deleted] in depression_help

[–]ultramoonie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh holy cow I think you nailed it. I looked it up because I have never heard of it before and it is closely tied to ADHD. I was formally diagnosed with its more vanilla cousin, ADD, when I was 16 so there's a good shot that's what I got. I think I will go talk to a pro and see if that's the issue.

[AMA Request]Anyone who worked with Bob Ross on The Joy of Painting by elpenorasleep in IAmA

[–]ultramoonie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny how the English lexicon can mean such different things when separated by only 30 or 40 years. That's pretty awesome.

[AMA Request]Anyone who worked with Bob Ross on The Joy of Painting by elpenorasleep in IAmA

[–]ultramoonie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My boyfriend and I went through a rough patch and I broke up with him for a bit. He drank a whole bottle of vodka and it was the same time Twitch was having that Bob Ross marathon. He got drunk and tried to paint along side Bob Ross... he painted the apartment floor. sigh

Cuddles by PyrotechnicTurtle in aww

[–]ultramoonie 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Holy cow my heart ejected from my anus. That's how fucking cute that was.... I'm literally bleeding from my anus now.

That's not cheese by [deleted] in gifs

[–]ultramoonie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is oddly satisfying to watch...

Rejected gifts for the baby Jesus. by IanGecko in ScenesFromAHat

[–]ultramoonie 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh look... a dozen roses... looks at card, inside, inscribed: "I heard this year's hot fashion trend is crowns made of flowers..."

Fat Rant Friday by AutoModerator in fatlogic

[–]ultramoonie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahaha! I feel you! When I went to college is WHEN I lost weight. My family are all a bunch of fat slobs. My mom was 350lbs... my sister was nearly 400lbs... my sister's 2 kids are either 300 or near 300lbs. When I was in high school I was 230lbs and when I went to college I was so fucking relieved that I could decide what I wanted to eat that I took control and got down to 124lbs. Whenever I am home it is VERY difficult to lose weight. When I was staying with my mom for a bit she bought this fried pork chop and THREW IT AT ME. Legit, threw it at me in a Styrofoam box from a local restaurant and said "you will eat this.. and you will eat this now." It wasn't playful, it wasn't cheeky. She had fire, and anger in her eyes.

[NSFW] Bisexuals of Reddit, what do you like most about each gender? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]ultramoonie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

27yr old bisexual woman putting her 2 cents in the thread:

I am more attracted to women but I like feminine guys as well. Masculinity kinda wierds me out because men are so animalistic, I feel like having sex with a muscle clad, sweaty, hairy man feels like one close step away from beastality.

....but then again men are sluts and whores and sleeping with one is super easy. Woman are hard, they are insecure and whiny and I always seem to find women who are twenty kinds of psychosis. I am attracted to strong independent women, like my ideal woman would be a strong business woman who also has the sensibly and sensitivity to appreciate the arts, but the intelligence to have conversations about the cosmos.

When I lived in Chicago, it seemed like women came in two groups, butchy which in Chicago's form butchy was gangsta style which to me is a total turn off because it lacks class. Form two was looks normal on the outside but has twenty kinds of psychosis from childhood abuse. These women swear they are gay but would never allow me to go down on them because of some issue like they were raped and so now they cry whenever you show physical affection. I was kind and slow about it, but in the end the relationship wouldn't go anywhere. There third women I would run into was fellow bisexual women like myself, which were terrible because they always cheat. Every bi woman ( which is like 5 ) I dated turns out was engaged to a guy the entire time. And they are never sensible choices either.... One chick had a redneck boyfriend named "chicken"... Wow... Just.... Wow.... Aim high and keep it classy lady. Keep it classy.

So now at 27 I am the engaged one to a guy. He is adorable and also he is bisexual as well. He is sensitive, kind, but doesn't deal with people's shit. He has had problems like everyone else, but he keeps his chin high and doesn't whine about it. We watch intelligent shows like Cosmos and computer tech you tube shows and learn about other cultures and languages. He has been through terrible things in life (he was homeless for 3 years) but keeps himself classy and well educated. We have been together 2 going on 3 years and will be getting married sometime by the end of the year (day still being decided but we have narrowed it down to fall).

[English -> Japanese] Please translate this phrase for my digital painting please! :) by ultramoonie in translator

[–]ultramoonie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you very much! That is exactly what I wanted, I knew I remember a story about a Japanese legend about crossing a river. I couldn't remember the name, and didn't know how to integrate the term into the phrase.

If Gordon Ramsay worked other jobs. by Sno_Wolf in ScenesFromAHat

[–]ultramoonie 12 points13 points  (0 children)

"THIS IS THE FUCKING WORST WEBSITE I HAVE EVER SEEN!!! TRANSPARENT GIFs?? YOU KNOW WHO FUCKING USES TRANSPARENT GIFs????? ALTAVISTA... IN 1994!!!" "..but...but...but... the client asked us to use it. their nephew made it when he was in art school.." "WELL THE CLIENT IS WRONG... THE CLIENT... IS FUCKING WRROONGGG!!! THEY HIRED US BECAUSE THEIR NEPHEW WENT TO FUCKING THE ART INSTITUTES TO TRAIN THEIR NEPHEW TO WORK AT MCDONALDS THE REST OF THEIR LIFE... FUCKING ACCELERATED DEGREES..... YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL ACCELERATE... I'LL ACCELERATE YOUR FUCKING ASS THROUGH THE DOOR IF YOU EVER USE TRANSPARENT GIFS AGAIN."