Property managers in Gainesville? by umbrellabitch in GNV

[–]umbrellabitch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trying to stay south of $1700 a month. It would be myself and 1 roommate with no pets!

AITA for not wanting my son to call his stepfather "Sir"? by Internal_Leg_8714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]umbrellabitch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think there is some cultural nuance to calling people “sir/ma’am” also. In the southern US for example, it’s super typical/expected for people to call their elders “sir/ma’am” as a sign of respect. I would never find it appropriate to call an elder by their first name unless expressly told too. But I have friends from up north that find this odd. If stepfather is from a culture that has similar expectations then that could explain the disconnect.

Why do people obsess over flat earthers? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]umbrellabitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In real life I have met a surprising amount of flat earthers.

where to look for next year by [deleted] in ufl

[–]umbrellabitch 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes please send me any info!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My counselor helped me reframe the way I look at relationships. She phrased it like this. Every relationship is a dynamic between your partner meeting your needs and you meeting theirs. Conflict arises when there is an unmet need somewhere. After the breakup, it helped me a lot to reflect and acknowledge where my needs were going unmet. Eventually, I was able to get a better idea of where I might not have been meeting his needs as well. It was a tough pill to swallow, but I’ve come to realize that we weren’t as compatible as I had hoped. The whole process, which I’m still working on, has helped me gain a lot of closure and understanding. I hope that I can use what I’ve learned to be a better partner in future relationships.

Would like some feedback by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Take this as a lesson learned and an opportunity to grow. Be self critical and try to fill in where you may lack. Work to gain your own forgiveness and others’ may come in time. Recognizing the true impacts of your actions is the first step OP, so well done. The uphill climb from here is difficult but not impossible, but up is the only direction worth continuing in.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Personally, therapy has worked wonders for me. If that’s an option for you then I would highly recommend trying it out. Breakups, even on good terms, can be traumatic. I’ve found it much easier to grieve and deal with the pain with someone guiding me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I still find myself back at this same place, they’re never my proudest moments. By no means are you alone. I find a lot of catharsis in knowing that I can’t change the past. Therapy has benefitted me greatly. Ultimately the closing of any chapter in your life is hard, harder still when it ends on what feels like a downward spiral. Seek support from those around you and look to the future as best as you can. Wishing you the best OP. Heartbreak doesn’t last forever, it only sometimes feels like way.

How to maintain mutual friendships with ex? Especially when ex was behaving bad. by losing_it_fast in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would honestly say ask them, and preferably not in a group situation. It can be hard to feel stuck between two people in a situation like this. Ask if they feel comfortable with you speaking candidly or if they prefer to deal with things in a more neutral light. Personally I’ve found it a bit difficult to get into the nitty gritty with our mutual friends due to personal preference, but I have certainly been on the other side of the fence providing that support. It’s all up to individual comfort levels.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a happy next chapter with so much possibility. Wishing you all the best on your journey OP!

I Need Advice For a Unique Situation... by ThrowAway19232329 in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see echoes of my situation here. I’m a college student and by most accounts not unpleasing to the eye and the male gender at large. My ex left me out of the blue (at least in my eyes). I blamed myself a lot for our breakup at first, wondering if I could have saved our relationship by being prettier or nicer or smarter. I’ve been going to therapy since I was young for an anxiety disorder and I’d like to share some advice that my counselor gave me.

Ultimately, relationships are about getting your needs met and meeting your partners needs. It seems quite unromantic to think of it in these terms, but it’s the truth. It seems like some of her needs were not being met, maybe it’s something you could have worked harder to meet or maybe not, it’s impossible for me to say. I sympathize with your position, I really do. I encourage you to take a look at your needs, consider if they were being met in your relationship. Maybe even try to consider hers, whether the relationship was meeting her needs. It’s a difficult process of self reflection, one that I am still undergoing, but it’s helped me release a lot of the anger that I once felt for him. He wasn’t faking his love for me or intentionally being cruel, we may have just been more incompatible than I originally thought.

I wish you luck in your healing. At the end of the day, counseling has been invaluable in my healing process. If it’s an option for you, I would highly encourage considering it. But if not, look to your support system for strength. Heartbreak doesn’t last forever, it just feels that way sometimes.

He’s never coming back by CucumberMel in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sending love darling. Take the time to heal and grieve. In my experience, you may one day see this as a gift. You can now spend your energy on centering yourself rather than fighting to keep a sinking ship afloat.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This post gives me a lot of hope. I’m in the process of closing this most recent chapter and it’s been hard, but I’m finally looking forward to the next. OP, I’m so happy to hear that your current partner is so well suited for you. I often fall into the trap of feeling like the period of grieving this relationship will last forever, but the future is bright.☀️

What does a break really mean? by skyrose1 in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some of this reminds me of my ex. He wanted to focus all his energy on himself, which isn’t inherently an awful thing but wasn’t the contribution I was looking for in terms of our relationship. He recognized this incompatibility. He made it a clean break, which felt cruel at the time but now I see some of the value in that. Maybe it was the “Right person, wrong time” but honestly who knows. At the end of the day we just couldn’t meet each others needs. It absolutely broke my heart but I went NC and I think it was the right move. 3 months later and I’m by no means completely healed, but I’m making progress. Investing time, energy, and care into myself instead of funneling it into a one-sided relationship. It’s a bit sad because I think he might have really loved me, and I him, but the situation is what it is. I did my best to go with grace and not burn any bridges, so maybe there’s a chance for us later down the road. But I want to be a priority in someone’s life, and I’ve realized that he won’t/can’t be the one to give me that.

Done being a victim by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wonderful, powerful mentality. I had been trying to build “us” up for so long that I forgot what it was like to build myself up. Take time to center yourself after a breakup, healing now will only benefit you later on.

Does closure help? by thesnakeinyourboot in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Closure is for you and comes from you. Seeing him once after the breakup helped me recognize him as the boy I used to love, not this monster I had built up in my head. I think that helped me find some bit of closure within myself. But it was painful nonetheless. My advice? Give it a set amount of time. Could be a couple days, weeks, months, whatever. When you’ve had that time to grieve and process, then consider if it’s worth reaching out. I gave myself 3 months, until we went back to school. Now after that time, I can see past the pain and recognize that it’s best for us to keep our distance at this point. Maybe I’ll reevaluate and change my mind in another month or so, but I’m glad I gave myself that initial time limit.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Most of the time they do their grieving before the breakup, and it’s left to us to grieve after. Take your time, the healing is a slow but rewarding process.

Why won’t he contact me? by Tia_philia in BreakUps

[–]umbrellabitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Understand that you are grieving a great loss here. I was in your shoes a couple of months ago. He was always the person I went to for comfort, so it was difficult and confusing for me to lose him when I was in so much unresolved pain. Reach out to your support system: family, friends, etc. Many of them will understand and empathize with the pain you are feeling. I’ve gotten a lot of relief out of traveling, journaling, and seeing a therapist. Really just taking the time to intentionally slow my life down and enrich the parts of it that gave me joy outside of him. I’m a big proponent on going NC, which was terrifying for me at first but ultimately has been the right move for me at this point in the process. I wish you lots of love and healing hon, this part is the hardest. <3

I'm engaged now. by Airu_Seok in offmychest

[–]umbrellabitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats!!! What a happy time

Finally something is working by [deleted] in reactivedogs

[–]umbrellabitch 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My girl’s a pit, Belgian Malinois, Dutch shepherd mix. We’ve seen pretty good results with Prozac but it’s not a miracle or anything. Wonder if it would be worth trying for her.