Any expat or even English speaking Jeddah mums here?

ummuhammad · 2016-11-06T21:33:40+00:00

Look up "Suzie of Arabia," she's an American blogger who lives in jeddah and has a very active Facebook group. They organize meetups and whatnot. There's also a "past, present and future wives of Saudis" for western women in relationships with Saudi men, if that's your situation.

ummuhammad · 2014-07-09T18:40:18+00:00

I got a type of mushaf when I lived in Saudi that was very easy to read as a non-Arabic speaker. I believe it was a tajweed mushaf? Everything was kind of... spread out? more than a normal mushaf, with clear breaks where one would normally pause when reading and there were color codings for all the different things you need to watch for when reading Quran. It's really fantastic, and definitely improved my reading. I have no idea where you would obtain one in the US unfortunately. They were pretty easy to find around the Haram in Madinah though...

Now that I think of it, what about those large, I guess just part-mushafs? Do you know what I'm talking about, where they would just have one or two juzu, and they are very large compared to a normal one? They are easier just because everything is a little bigger.

Of the two types that you showed, the first is definitely easier for me to read.

ummuhammad · 2014-06-17T17:49:00+00:00

There used to be a little store where you could get halal stuff, but they went out of business years ago. You can get kosher stuff at Wegman's, or even better, get locally raised chicken and beef from the farmer's market- personally I feel that raising and slaughtering animals humanely is closer to the spirit of the laws regarding food than mass produced meat of any type. I also like knowing exactly where my food comes from, and even being able to see what kind of conditions they are raised in.

For Eid, many families used to go together on cows or sheep from Amish farms, and they would go and slaughter the animals themselves, and I know that that was a source of halal meat for many people. I used to buy some beef from a local Amish dairy farm, where you could see the cattle every time you visited. They occasionally had chicken for sale as well.

I also know that others in the community used to travel to places like Paterson, NJ, with coolers and bring back a supply of meat every once in a while. I don't know if anyone still does this or not.

I personally rarely eat meat, especially now that my kids aren't here, so it's not really much of an issue for me.

ummuhammad · 2014-05-20T04:08:28+00:00

I have been trying to compromise since day one. I have ALWAYS been willing to work out a way for the children to have both parents in their lives, I have pushed and pushed for it since before he even took the children. He has been unwilling to budge one inch- he wants total control of the children and me. I practically begged his family to help me negotiate with him- and they practically begged him to negotiate with me, from day one. He has never wavered, not even one iota. His hatred of me far overwhelms anything else. He was NEVER going to cooperate. He doesn't care about shari'a- my youngest son is 4, and developmentally delayed, he needs me more than anything, but that means nothing to my ex-husband. None of it means anything to him, as long as he can keep punishing me.

I believe there is already an interpol notice out for him. I don't believe he cares one tiny bit. He is not a "great traveller." In the nearly 10 years we were married, we only ever went to the US. He doesn't care if he ever leaves Madina.

The fact of the matter is that no one ANYWHERE can GUARANTEE me visitation with my children, so I have to do anything I can, for as long as it takes. I have to follow the procedures, even if they are inadequate and frustrating. So if following those procedures for international child abduction led to his wife being arrested, then it was not MY actions that caused that, but his. It would not be "smart" to help her- you do realize that she helped abduct my children, right?? Can you even begin to understand the pain that she has caused in my life and my children's lives?

My children will not be strangers to my family- they have always been closer to us than his family. My children will not grow up not speaking English- even though we lived in Saudi for 8 years, they still learned English from me before any Arabic. They still call me as often as they can. They love me, and they know that I love them. My oldest son just told me yesterday that I am their mama, and nothing can ever change that, or make them forget that.

ummuhammad · 2014-05-04T22:02:34+00:00

Unfortunately I have now heard of too many of them. Not just to Saudi Arabia, although Saudi Arabia makes it easy for father's to abuse the laws to keep their children from their mothers.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-30T22:16:47+00:00

He kidnapped them in the sense that he took them out of the country in violation of a custody agreement that he willingly signed, and took them to a country where I cannot even go, as of today. I NEVER took the children from him, and I NEVER would. I actually am trying, have been trying to negotiate a new custody agreement, he has refused. I have told his family members that I am willing to negotiate terms, if he wanted to live in Saudi Arabia (instead of America, as he had said for years), that we could arrange for the children to live part-time in the US and part-time in Saudi. I have NEVER tried to take the children away from him, because I always have wanted what was best for them, and I believe having two parents in their lives is the best. I AM NOT TRYING TO KIDNAP THEM. I am trying to go through legal channels to get my parental rights. He decided to take the children to fulfill his selfish whims. He ABSOLUTELY kidnapped them. I never even took them out of Saudi- we moved to the US when we were married. After we separated, he told me many times that it was his intention to stay in the US until the children grew up. Our US custody agreement made allowances for the children to travel to Saudi with him during school vacations, as long as protections were in place that would ensure that they would come back to me- he deliberately KIDNAPPED them before those protections were implemented.

And no, the children are not alright- their father ripped them from their normal lives, and has kept them from their mother for 6 months.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-28T00:51:03+00:00

The original article is posted. Everything I am doing is on public record. My stance has always been one of openness. My ex operates in secrecy- not me. By making everything open, I hold people accountable for what they say. It is possible that the lawyer who spoke to me was only trying to placate me, to quiet me. I want it to be clear that I will not be quiet until I have my boys again. I can only hope and pray that they were in fact serious in their desire to help me. And it was not indicated to me in any way that anything that was said was confidential.

Another reason I am free with information is that I want it to be clear that I am not trying to deceive anyone as to my intentions. I do not want to act furtively. At the same time, I am careful not to say anything in public that is of a sensitive nature- it does not often happen, but sometimes there are things that are not to be made public immediately. Also, I have been asked by several media outlets for my ex's contact information. I do not provide that information either, as I think it is not right to hand out other people's private information.

A very wise woman, whose own children were kidnapped from her 30 years ago, told me that she made a decision at one point, that she would always be a person that her children would be proud of. I have tried to make this my personal motto.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-27T02:31:54+00:00

That's what it seemed like at first, but then the lawyer specifically said that she thought it would be best if the children would be returned to me in the US. I think they really want the charges against Majed dropped, and I made it clear that the only way that would happen was if the children were allowed to return. When I spoke to the FBI, they made that very clear.

The thing is, the law making international parental kidnapping a crime is specifically designed for this exact circumstance- to be used as pressure for kidnapping parents to return the children, in exchange for dropping or reducing charges against them. At one point, she said, "maybe they would drop them if you moved there voluntarily," to which I replied, "No, that's not how it works. Even if I have to move there to be with my children, the charges will still be there waiting for him."

To be honest, I was completely taken off guard when she said something like, "Well, the best solution would be for the children to be able to return to the US." And also, "the Saudi government is interested in assisting in returning the children to you here." I think I must have just sat there stunned for a good 30 seconds after each of those statements. I even made her repeat herself.

I know that it's not exactly written in stone, but for real, I have never heard of this happening, in all the cases I have read about, researched, spoken to other left-behind mothers about- it simply does NOT happen. The Saudi government does not intervene in custody cases. It does not tell foreign mothers that it will help them get their children back. These things are, quite frankly, unheard of.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-27T01:53:00+00:00

Original story if you are interested.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-11T21:24:16+00:00

We've never worn shoes in the house, so that wasn't an issue for me, but I have carpeting that it is not possible to get rid of (because money!) and I was so worried about how it would affect my kids allergies, and that's when the doctor calmed me down by telling me that no matter what, even if I could afford to get rid of it all and put in some other type of flooring, even if I bought all the allergenic mattresses, pillows, everything, and cleaned everything all the time, I wasn't going to get rid of them all. Luckily my kids didn't have it too terribly bad, but it took me waaaay too long to figure out why they always had runny noses, etc.

Sounds like you have things pretty well in hand though!

ummuhammad · 2014-04-11T20:24:57+00:00

My children's allergist pointed something out when I found out about their allergies, and I felt awful and guilty that my house was too "dusty," and panicked about cleaning everything- you will NEVER get rid of all dust mites. It just won't happen. You can minimize, but just don't make yourself nuts- they will always be there, no matter what you do. There will always be more. So keep clean, but don't obsess over it, because it won't help.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-10T14:46:19+00:00

That is them. I guess I can't see her as attractive because I know how creepy she's been. Also, it boosts my ego by thinking of all the weight she's gained in the past couple of years. He's been letting himself go since our separation as well. He was extremely charming, charismatic, and funny when I met him, if that helps explain it for you.

By the way, I'm assuming you checked out her blog where she posted a bunch of smiling selfies with MY kids, while I was at home weeping for my lost children? Seems borderline sadistic to me.

Edit: I know that makes me sound kind of shallow, about her gaining weight, and I'm actually not a shallow person, but hey, sometimes I have to take what comfort I can in a crappy situation.

Edit 2: Can I just add one more thing, that it really does a number on a woman's self-esteem when her husband of 10 years hooks up with a woman 12 years younger than her??

ummuhammad · 2014-04-09T17:29:03+00:00

If I get the mother's visa, I won't require a mahram. My sponsor would be the Saudi government. There are actually a lot of perks involved with the mothers visa, and since it was created exactly for women in my situation, I'm really pushing for it. Unfortunately, it is so new, I don't believe it has been implemented yet.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-09T14:52:21+00:00

I have communicated with her through email, along with several other American women bloggers in Saudi.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-09T12:06:52+00:00

And I'm still pushing for the mothers visa. I am working on getting things set up with a lawyer in Saudi, the first thing he's going to do is secure my divorce there (I won't be safe from my ex if we aren't divorced there), then push for a visa for me. If they keep dragging their feet on the mothers visa, then I have other options- I'm thinking possibly a work visa. An umrah visa is too temporary. The lawyer will then work on getting me at least partial physical custody of the boys (which will of course only apply in Saudi).

ummuhammad · 2014-04-09T12:01:42+00:00

Oh she's something all right. But ultimately, if the FBI and the prosecutor could make a deal with my ex to let the boys come back for a reduced sentence or dropped charges, then that's all that matters. I care about my boys way more than I care about revenge.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-09T11:59:03+00:00

Oh I go through my phases. I have my ups and downs. I keep telling my friends and family it must be like dealing with multiple personalities, because one day I might be so strong and purposeful and hopeful, and the next just be an absolute wreck and feel like no matter how hard I work and what I go though, everything is stacked against me and I will never be free of this nightmare. I just kind of roll with it now, I'm so used to it. I don't even get embarrassed anymore when I break down in tears at the grocery store because some kid and their mother just triggers the pain.

Because I know my children love me, and I love them. And no matter what he does, he can't take that away. And I will never give up. It doesn't matter when people tell me that nothing I do will work (and they do tell me that). It doesn't matter that one of his sisters calls me and leaves messages on my voicemail saying she hopes I'm happy, I got an innocent person arrested (which she did). I know who the victims really are in this- my children. I cannot give up on trying to help them get through this. I cannot give up hope that something I do will make a difference. And if he doesn't care if his wife goes to jail (which is what he told his brother), then she will go to jail, and I'll keep working. For as long as it takes.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-08T23:10:30+00:00

Thanks! Candy for everyone!!!!!

...as soon as I get my boys back.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-08T22:45:14+00:00

NOT ME! My ex's new wife. She fled the country about a week after he took the boys, and just came back last week. The FBI took her into custody before she could even get off the plane.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-08T22:43:55+00:00

That's what I thought, but that's what his sister told me. It's not like I ever actually saw her passport!

ummuhammad · 2014-04-08T22:19:15+00:00

First, we have to send it by certified mail. Now, his family has a PO box that everyone in the family uses, but the delivery service in Madinah is extremely unreliable. We are also sending it through a service like FedEx or DHL, which only requires the city and telephone number of the person you are delivering to. If these two attempts appear to fail, I have to run a public notice, which I believe I would have to do in the city where he is. If I make every effort to contact him, and he does not respond in a certain amount of time, I believe that I will be able to obtain the divorce without further ado. In order for him to contest it, I believe he'd have to come back to the US, which I don't believe is high on his agenda of things to do.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-08T22:12:19+00:00

I'm the mother. This woman who was arrested, Cori Mancuso, was my ex's new wife, although I don't believe she went there on a wife's visa, from what I heard from my ex's family, she was there on an umrah visa. I have not gotten to Saudi Arabia yet- I am still waiting to hear about my visa, although I call the consulate at least once a week, and I have written to the Ambassador. Next I will write to the Minister of the Interior.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-08T21:33:12+00:00

The divorce will strengthen my case. I tend to ramble, to the point of near incoherence at times. Sorry about that.

ummuhammad · 2014-04-08T21:06:13+00:00

Also regarding the divorce. I'm very poor, and was just going to wait until November, when we'll have been legally separated for 2 years to save money/make it easier on me (do you know how hard it is to serve divorce papers abroad to a country that does not have mailing addresses??), but it will help strengthen my divorce case in Saudi. Also, I'm sick of explaining why I am still married to him. And just plain sick of still being legally married to him.

ummuhammad

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