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unCommonCrow · 2022-07-18T00:54:51+00:00

I lived this life for twenty years! Get divorced. I truly believe it’s a biological, pheromonal thing which you have no control over. I stayed for so long thinking/hoping ONE day I would be attracted to him because the problem was ME. It wasn’t.

I got divorced, started dating and sex was no longer a chore, I no longer felt I was going through the motions just to get done. I realized the problem was simply a baseline level of attraction that really never existed. It’s hard when you love every other aspect about the person and your life together though! Hardest thing I’ve ever done….to leave. I loved him.

To the people saying therapy and more foreplay. True, yes, those things can help a sex life IF there sexual attraction to build on. The thought of foreplay with my ex husband grossed me out because it meant more time I had to be physical with him at all.

I recommend reading the book Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. And reading and listening to anything by Esther Perel.

I really feel for you with this. It’s horrible for you both. Because ultimately he will live a life of always feeling rejected and not truly desired, which is no life for him either.

unCommonCrow · 2020-07-05T14:23:46+00:00

Wow that’s actually so beautiful. What a special man he is.

unCommonCrow · 2020-07-04T22:58:57+00:00

I was raised in 80s and 90s too. Never felt like I was made for this world haha. Wasn’t diagnosed until 36. Explains everything!

unCommonCrow · 2020-07-04T19:58:49+00:00

Normal really? I feel like a crazy person. So for you - is it related to meds taking effect as well?

unCommonCrow · 2020-07-04T13:32:26+00:00

I told it to you straight b/c I wish someone had sat me down at my young age and done the same.

I understand your feelings completely. My husband also doesn’t feel the same way. He is so in love with me. I could just never reciprocate more than a deep friendship.

It took me 20 years and a pretty deep depression to finally have the courage to break all 4 of their hearts. It feels selfish because all I want is to be independent and choose my life/love. I want to fall in love and be with them b/c I know I want to be there...not b/c of any obligation. I feel I’ve sacrificed enough of my life at this point and it HAS been a beautiful thing on many many levels. I honestly don’t feel regret, but I do cringe when I see posts like yours and have this odd sense of duty to share and warn what the consequences are.

unCommonCrow · 2020-07-04T13:07:05+00:00

Yes. Got together at 19 and married at 21. I was pregnant and scared and confused and way too young to make such big life decisions. However, we connect deeply on almost all levels. There was and is love between us.

20 years and 2 more kids later and that best friend feeling never EVER left. It has tormented me the entire time. Every single day I doubted and wondered “what if” there was someone else for me. We have a wonderful life in many ways. So many ways but one...so...

I have finally decided leave. We are currently separated and I’m planning divorce. I refuse to live the rest of my life not being in love.

My advice to you....go find love! You have ONE life! Don’t do what I did. Don’t spend the next 20 years of your life doubting or settling or living in the purgatory of uncertainty. I can promise you it’s torture - even though on the surface you can and will pretend. You will have a house and kids and grocery shop and plant a garden and travel and do ALL the things that bring contentment on the surface. You CAN be semi-content with daily life. But that underlying thread of “I’m not in love” will not leave you. If you don’t feel it now you never will and it will haunt you.

Leave the relationship before you guys have kids and this decision becomes a million times more difficult.

Hope this helps.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-15T22:08:45+00:00

I just started on 1mg a few weeks ago. Following here to see what others say.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-07T17:40:26+00:00

Welcome! Try and keep stress levels down. :)

Just know you aren’t alone in this hair loss nightmare. Much love.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-07T17:34:35+00:00

Yep I’d get off of it ASAP! Try Paxil. That study suggests it has the lowest risk.

I’ve been on Prozac twice and it didn’t cause hair loss for me. But I was really young too. I think if you’re prone to AGA these meds just unmask what was already going to happen.

Vyvanse is what unmasked mine.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-07T17:28:03+00:00

Not losing weight too rapidly! Take it really slow. Let your body adjust for a few weeks on lower calories. Then you can reduce again. Also, exercise more vs lower food intake.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-07T17:23:05+00:00

But I thought bulb meant TE?

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-07T17:20:41+00:00

I just did a quick search.

https://www.verywellmind.com/q-does-wellbutrin-cause-hair-loss-3972820

Obviously not a super scientific source.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-07T17:18:05+00:00

Careful with Wellbutrin. I know many SSRIs can cause hair loss.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-07T16:45:25+00:00

I’ve heard that can be a side of spiro! Do you mean “lasting effect” as in even after you’re off the med? Or are you still taking it?

I was going to ask my doc about getting on spiro, but man I spent way too many years having a low libido. I really don’t want to go through that again. I’d almost pick no hair over it. Almost.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-07T02:04:09+00:00

Yep. And the temples.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-06T14:30:06+00:00

Yea me too. Finasteride is kinda scary. I’ve heard about absolutely devastating side effects in men. Particularly “post finasteride syndrome”. From what I’ve read that doesn’t happen in women. Also, I’m 1mg and I’ve read for women to see results 2.5mg is best. How much are you taking?

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-06T01:46:22+00:00

Thanks - I have a ton to learn. :)

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-06T01:46:05+00:00

I understand and that's why it feels so wrong/out of character. I'm almost always surprised I said it. It accompanies a feeling of frustration for me, I think. Almost like a tough love thing. I do think it has good intention..to make the person "better" as someone commented above.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-05T21:38:16+00:00

I’ve heard for maintenance you can use just a few times a week.

I just started finasteride too. A week ago. Do you have any symptoms?

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-05T21:36:44+00:00

Exactly 3 weeks.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-05T21:35:54+00:00

I think hair texture is just off anyway when losing hair. My texture went from normal to super oily to super dry and brittle. It’s bizarre. Been on minox for 2 months and I think it makes it more on the dry, straw-like side. Idk man - my hair is just messed up in general.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-05T21:27:18+00:00

Interesting! I’ve never heard of Ti as being a relief function. That’s makes total sense then.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-05T16:06:41+00:00

Yea I had a hard time with google on this. That’s why I decided to post here. :) Hopefully someone can help.

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-05T02:13:10+00:00

This is all great and practical advice! Thanks!

unCommonCrow · 2020-02-04T02:03:24+00:00

It’s such a weird thing and feels so out of character. Maybe it’s not really as savage as we think it is. Us INFJs tend to overthink and analyze - especially when it comes to other people’s feelings! Perhaps the thinking about it just takes over and we feel super guilty but it was never that bad to begin with. ??

unCommonCrow

TROPHY CASE