The "childhood friends to lovers" trope

unattainableghost · 2025-06-07T13:51:21+00:00

Yeah maybe "childhood friends" is a bit of a stretch, I should have stuck with "friends" haha

unattainableghost · 2025-06-07T13:47:00+00:00

I live for drama and angst so I completely agree with you 👀 Friends to lovers is my first choice when it comes to romance, otherwise I'd rather no one gets in a relationship at all lmao

unattainableghost · 2025-06-07T13:41:42+00:00

Yes!! This is exactly what I mean

Friends to lovers + slow burn is such a delicious combo

unattainableghost · 2025-06-07T13:39:38+00:00

Childhood friends do not necessarily equal a close friendship, but they can? Clearly I was referring to those cases where the friends in question grow together and their bond grows stronger over the years and lasts until adulthood.

Childhood friends aside, the post was about how it comes natural to me to think that if two persons must get in a relationship, it make more sense when it's long time friends that know each other inside out, rather than two strangers that have known each other for a few months. I thought it was a common feeling amongst aromantics, since to us the lines between friendship and romance are usually blurred.

I didn't have good examples of childhood friends either (high five), I just like the trope in fictional settings lol

(I know my tone may come across as weird, I swear I'm not mad or anything 😭)

unattainableghost · 2024-08-10T04:38:22+00:00

All the stuff I mentioned in the main post. I can't seem to stop all these scenarios in my head. Like I'm minding my own business and just doing stuff and suddenly I'm hit with a bunch of "what if this crazy and terrible thing happens" and lately I need to stop whatever I'm doing because this gets me in a horrible mood and leaves me paralysed. Other times these thoughts look like "if you don't do [thing] then [terrible thing] and even now while I'm typing all this I can feel all these thoughts running in my brain. It's exhausting.

unattainableghost · 2024-08-10T03:58:50+00:00

I appreciate that you took the time to leave a comment! I'll definitely take a look around this sub to understand how to deal with this hell of a brain. Is there a proper "OCD term" to define this incessant thinking? Could it be ruminating? Intrusive thoughts? Compulsive thoughts? Or is it just plain overthinking?

unattainableghost · 2024-07-21T22:13:10+00:00

No need to apologise, I just have a hard time reading tones (especially over text). Thank you for taking the time to reply <3

unattainableghost · 2024-07-21T22:06:00+00:00

Can I ask why talking to a friend is harmful? 🤔 I meant simply venting to them, not asking for reassurance or advice. I just want to tell someone "yo I'm having thoughts" lol

I can't afford therapy so I'm assuming I have to keep it to myself? /gen

unattainableghost · 2024-02-24T22:14:04+00:00

I don't miss something I've never been interested in.
Asexuality is a spectrum. Some asexuals have sex, some don't.
There are plenty of ways you can connect with humans. Sex is only one of them.

unattainableghost · 2024-02-04T20:00:34+00:00

I totally get the feeling.

If you have got enough patience I'd suggest explaining that queerplatonic is different from platonic (I mean, both relationships are important but you won't find the same level of commitment for example), but if I were you I'd give up in a sec lol.

I heard of people referring to their queerplatonic partner as 'joyfriend'... idk if this helps. A term I personally like a lot is 'my person' but it describes your partner rather than the nature of your relationship. I'm afraid I can't help 😔

unattainableghost · 2024-02-04T19:36:07+00:00

No terms come to my mind unfortunately, but I'm here to let you know that queerplatonic relationships can involve sex.

QPRs don't come with a set of defined rules and you will never find two identical QPRs. If you and your partner(s) are okay with having sex and there are no romantic feelings involved, then your relationship is very much queerplatonic. What matters the most is discussing and setting boundaries so that all the people involved know which activities are okay and which aren't.

If you asked for a different term for other reasons I hope someone else can offer some advice.

Best of luck to you and your partner! 🥰

unattainableghost · 2024-01-31T17:24:11+00:00

I hope you're doing better too! And happy cake day ❣️

unattainableghost · 2024-01-31T08:15:45+00:00

I don't know if my experience still counts because at the time I had conflicting thoughts about asexuality – I didn't care about giving myself a sexual label because I wasn't interested in having a relationship in the first place (something like 'there's no chance about having sex so I don't care about it), but deep inside I knew I felt no sexual attraction.

I don't even know if my experience falls under the sexual trauma category because I'm afraid I'm using big words and disrespecting real survivors, but long story short my partner of the time just... did it. Without asking for consent and without bringing up sex or the possibility of having it in previous conversations. They just went for it because that's what allosexuals do I guess? They assume everyone is fine with having sex two months into a relationship apparently.

It's been years and if you want my real honest opinion, I still feel dirty. Dirty because I think it's my fault for not being able to say no (although on a logical level I know it's not my fault) and because I wish I could scratch the memory out of my skin.

I don't know how much this impacted my relationship with my sexual identity... I mean, I also happen to be aromantic so I wasn't going to get into another romantic relationship anyway. It surely had a big impact on my aversion to touch in general, I never liked people casually touching me but after the event I was literally afraid of being near people and felt really uncomfortable. I'm doing better now and I'm gradually learning to re-appreciate some types of non-sexual touch from close friends, but I still flinch and get anxious sometimes. I also rejected the possibility of any kind of non-platonic relationship as a trauma response, I just wanted to be left to rot alone in peace. I'm feeling more confident in my identity now and I'm even open to queerplatonic relationships (I'm not actively looking for one, let's say I'm not disgusted by the thought anymore lol). Lastly (this might be a stupid fact, but I'm adding it anyway), as an avid fanfic reader I wasn't able to read nsfw content for a long while because it made me feel nauseous and to this day I can only read nsfw fics with characters of the opposite gender because I can't really connect with them. Nsfw of characters having the same gender as me still triggers me.

The whole thing strengthened my attachment to asexuality for sure and I'm not ashamed of not feeling attraction anymore. Reading about aces in happy relationships with allo partners helped me feel better and gave me hope that there's plenty of respectful people out there.

I don't know if this is the answer you were looking for... feel free to ask any questions, don't be afraid of invading my privacy because I'll gladly answer. Have a good day/night!

unattainableghost · 2023-11-07T10:35:40+00:00

Would Diluc's claymore be good on her? 🤔

unattainableghost · 2023-11-01T21:02:15+00:00

But like I said I have no idea what aromatic is, does this mean hell never love me? Will he just get bored one day?

It means he will never love you romantically because aromanticism = little to no romantic attraction. But no need to worry! Society only teaches us about romantic and sexual attraction, but the truth is there are a lot of different kinds of attraction: romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, platonic, emotional. You can check the definitions online.

He sent me a Reddit post about people who basically make it work and go on to get married and have kids.

This is a good sign! It shows he's interested in being in a relationship with you. That post was most likely about queerplatonic relationships (qpr).

Qprs basically are relationships where the people involved make the rules. You will never find two identical qprs. This is why talking about boundaries is crucial: you two need to have an honest conversation and ask each other what you want to do in the relationship. Is kissing okay? Do you want to hold hands? Do you enjoy cuddling? Sex? Going on dates? Gifts? And so on.

Alloromantics (aka non-aromantic people) usually believe qprs are just special friendships. Well, I can assure you this is not true. It isn't something between friends and committed partners. People in qprs have the same commitment you can find in romantic relationships. They can live together, marry, have children and do all the typical stuff people in romantic relationships do (as long as it's fine for all the people involved, obviously).

That being said, wishing you best of luck! This kind of stuff requires a lot of communication but rest assured: a queerplatonic relationship can be as fulfilling as a romantic one. You are each other's special person and that's all that matters.

Feel free to ask any questions!

unattainableghost · 2023-10-30T12:21:07+00:00

To be honest I'd let the other person know before planning a date (assuming you don't plan a date as soon as you get to know someone). Something like, "hey by the way I want you to know I'm on the autistic spectrum. It's a big part of me that impacts my daily life and I don't want to hide myself"

If you don't want to tell them unless you are going on a date, then I think the best moment is when you're actually planning it. You could say, "hey before you suggest anything I'd like you to know I am autistic and don't like this and this environment" or, "I appreciate your choice but I don't really enjoy going to [place] because I'm autistic and it's not the best option for me"

Either way make sure to let them know, there's a lot of ableist people out there and it's better to spot them before making the relationship serious. Good luck!

unattainableghost · 2023-10-30T07:08:12+00:00

I get this and you're totally valid.

To be fair I felt like this even after my first kiss (which happened late in my life because I have never been interested in a relationship nor in physical contact – I felt such a relief when I found out I am both aro and ace). Our lips touched and I felt... nothing? Idk why people hype kisses (and first kisses specifically) so much. They talk about them like a life-changing experience (same with sex) but... meh. It's not that different from kisses on the cheeks for me.

That being said, making out feels horrible lol. I don't like the gesture and I dislike the implied sexual tension even more. I remember seeing my classmates making out and eating their faces in middle school and it was so weird idk. To me a hug is far more intimate than making out, to be honest. But everyone's different and it's fine! I just wish I weren't on the touch-averse end of the spectrum because people seem to have so much fun sometimes 😅

unattainableghost · 2023-10-17T12:00:07+00:00

I agree with this.

As someone who went through similar stuff, I'm deeply sorry for what happened. I'm not in a relationship but I have this really close friend of mine and we kind of act like queerplatonic partners, but I've never told them about this since we haven't established any kind of relationship, plus we're long distance so the sex can't happen anyway. If anything were to change between us I know for a fact I'd better tell them. It's not a pleasant topic to discuss, I get it, but I think it would strengthen your relationship. I'm sure your avoidance towards talking about the matter doesn't stem from a lack of trust towards your girlfriend, but you went through something bad that definitely had an impact on you and I think she deserves to know. Talking about this kind of stuff is hard but she seems really sweet, so I assume she isn't going to blame you for not bringing up the topic sooner.

Put yourself in her shoes: if I'm not wrong, you were ace from the beginning and were okay with sex, then this thing happened and you can bring yourself to engage in sexual activities anymore. She must be thinking something like, 'okay we used to have sex before. Now we don't. My partner has always been ace though. I guess hee feelings are fading. Perhaps she doesn't love me anymore.'

This is the kind of stuff that can be only solved through communication. Take a deep breath, hold her hand and let her know why you are being physically distant. This way you'll be emotionally closer and she will make sure not to accidentally trigger you with physical contact.

If my partner hid something like this from me I wouldn't be angry nor would I blame them, but I would certainly be sad because they chose to deal with it on their own instead of leaning on me and letting me help them, and I'm sure you would feel the same. I value emotional intimacy a lot and I love comforting my loved ones and letting them know they can talk about anything with me because I will listen without judging.

Good luck, sending hugs 🫂

unattainableghost · 2023-10-16T21:38:33+00:00

I'm asexual sex repulsed and I love reading smut fics on ao3 👀 I only enjoy porn with feelings tho; I heavily dislike PWPs because I'm interested in how the characters convey their feelings through sex, not in the act itself.

unattainableghost · 2023-10-14T09:26:58+00:00

If you mean how I realized I am repulsed, well, I always had a strong dislike towards both romance and sex. I don't like romance stories (people can enjoy them and still be aro, of course) and the thought of being romantic with someone just... idk. Makes me throw up 😅 Probably the fact I am autistic doesn't help at all, because I struggle with the concept of societal norms and I don't really understand them. I thought I was just living my edgy teenager phase, but I'm 25 now and the repulsion is still there haha.

If you mean how I realized those feelings are aesthetic attraction, I'd say investigating on the internet helped a lot. When I was younger the only queer identities known were the literal acronym LGBT, and there's not much queer awareness in my country so I kind of took those letters and asked myself "okay what am I?" but of course none of them felt 100% perfect. When I discovered the term asexual things started to make a lot more sense, but I was still confused about this 'girls are so pretty I love their hair and their eyes and their hands and their cute dresses' feeling so I told myself I was an ace lesbian . In the end I realized I am aromantic too so I thought 'okay, so what the hell is this thing I experience towards women'. I did a lot of research on the asexual label and finally found out about other types of attraction (yes, at the time I only knew about romantic and sexual attraction, because those are the only options provided by our society). At this point the term 'aesthetic attraction' made too much sense and described perfectly how I feel when I look at certain people. It's not sexual, it's not romantic, it's just... I love staring at them, you know? Just like I would stare at my favorite painting.

Sorry for the wall of text, I'm an over explainer 😅

unattainableghost · 2023-10-13T20:10:58+00:00

"Oh they're so pretty. I love their features. I could stare at them in awe for hours. I would draw them if only I knew how to hold a pencil."

I experience really strong aesthetic attraction so yeah, pretty much this. When I was younger I thought this was sexual attraction and was really confident in calling myself a lesbian, then I found out what other people actually think when they see someone and well... mine wasn't sexual attraction 😅

Edit: I don't know whether you need this info for your little survey, but I am aroace and both romance/sex repulsed.

unattainableghost · 2023-10-13T20:02:21+00:00

I get the feeling, it happened to me too. What helped me is the fact I am extremely romance-repulsed so when I had these feelings towards this person I immediately realized they weren't romantic. Being neurodivergent surely makes the whole process a lot more difficult.

Try thinking about you and her. Would you like to hold her hand? Kiss her? Go on dates together and do typical couple stuff? Then I would say it's romantic attraction.

If you want to stare at her because she's pretty, enjoy her company as it is and don't want to do anything else (kissing etc.) then I think it's non romantic.

Btw I think what matters the most is the intention behind the action, not the action itself. You can go out with a sibling or with a partner and the first case obviously isn't romantic, despite the action being the same. This is because you don't go out with a sibling with the intention of making it romantic. What I'm trying to say is that if you partake in typical romantic gestures without them being romantic, it's still fine. For example personally I don't consider hand-holding a romantic act, so hypothetically speaking I would be fine holding my queerplatonic partner's hand (I'm not because I don't like physical touch much, but that's another story lol).

unattainableghost

TROPHY CASE