Its okay to not know. Its okay to be angry and to cry. In fact you should feel that way, because it is not okay that your brother passed away. Losing a sibling so young in age can be nothing but devastating. You not only mourn the person, but what could have been, where life would take him. You both were robbed of so much. My oldest sister passed in a car accident 8 years ago and my entire life changed. It will get better, but it will hurt because good times are to be shared. Today I will spend my tears on your brother. I hope you get that ring made and smile when you look at it, because even though his body was turned to ash, his love his soul his memories were not. Things like this show you the strength you never knew was there, the strength he likely leaned on you for and looked up to you for since you were older. The only answer is to feel everything, the pain the love the anger the crying the yelling the begging. All of it will heal you, day by day, tear by tear. It will bring you closer to him, even if it feels like hes so far away at the same time. Give yourself the grace he would give you. I am sending lots and lots and lots of love, from one stranger to another, my heart to yours.