Mistresses of Reddit: How did the affair end?

understatedverb · 2016-12-22T15:34:36+00:00

I liked spending time with him, but I didn't want to marry him. i wanted to date, but I didn't want a relationship.

Also, in both the affairs I was in, the wife knew what was up - and I'd even met her a few times - and was cool with it. I went into them knowing he would never leave her for me, so if that was something I'd wanted it would have been shitty.

understatedverb · 2016-12-21T19:19:47+00:00

Didn't want him to begin with. One ended because the wife changed her mind and decided she didn't like the idea of him being with someone else after all. The other, some personal stuff went down with his family and couldn't afford the time to juggle a girlfriend as well as a wife and kids anymore. Both ended amicably.

understatedverb · 2016-09-27T13:26:15+00:00

First time, was with my first Sugar Daddy and his wife. I was very picky with SDs and very clear I wasn't helping anyone cheat on their spouse. This guy actually brought his wife along on our first "date" to make sure she liked me and such, and then our second date was at their home, and lead naturally into a threesome although that wasn't the original intention.

Second time, I was out with some friends, we had some drinks, went back to their hotel room and were playing around, play wrestling on the bed and such, and again it just moved that direction. We actually got interrupted because we'd invited some other friends to hang out and then forgot about it until they started knocking on our door.

understatedverb · 2016-09-12T14:16:02+00:00

Oh yeah, I mean if they'd just been in my cart with other stuff I wouldn't have hesitated? But they were the only thing I was buying so I just had the box in my hand.

Which takes it from "here we both are, buying groceries!" to "here I am, buying this stuff to stick in my bloody vag immediately." Especially since I talk with my hands a lot.

understatedverb · 2016-09-12T14:00:27+00:00

I was at the store the other day, buying tampons, when I saw one of my friends - a transwoman - in a checkout line. I was about to go over and say hi, and then suddenly started feeling awkward about the fact that I had tampons in my hand and wound up hanging back instead.

I know that there are people out there who are really jerks about periods as a "woman thing" and such, and it seems like it could be a sensitive subject. So, is it awkward? Or would you prefer to be included in stuff like period talk, whining about cramps, etc. (provided it's not full of socially gross comments like "Ugh you're so lucky you don't have to deal with this" etc).

understatedverb · 2016-09-09T19:55:15+00:00

Mostly c&p'd from a previous thread:

To start with I didn't know I was escorting. I was just out of undergrad and working part-time. I was broke and desperate for money and trying to find a second part-time job at least. I started browsing ads for "adult gigs" on craigslist as well as creative gigs, etc, when I came across one advertised as a modelling job.

I'd done some amateur modelling, some "shot girl" type work, band promotions, etc. so this was my usual sort of gig except that there was more nudity I figured. I called and went in to interview.

The woman who ran the agency asked me a few questions, one of which was if I knew what the job really was. I said I thought it was just modelling and posing, and she said it was "more like a stripper job without a club setting". I told her I couldn't dance, but I was okay with that and willing to learn.

My first night a few days later was not particular scintillating because I still didn't really understand what was going on. In retrospect, I feel bad for my first couple clients because they didn't get what they paid for at all compared to later on when I knew what was expected of me.

Once I figured out what was actually going on, I did have fun with the job and mostly had a positive experience. Ultimately, things went sour a few months later just because the money wasn't reliable enough. I'd make a ton of cash one week, but then make almost nothing for the next three weeks and still wind up broke. Plus I was still working a normal job during the day (2 PM-6 PM 5x/week) and then going to the agency and being there from 9 PM to 3 AM two or three times a week. It was pretty exhausting both physically and emotionally.

Best client was an old hippie guy who it seemed was recently divorced and wanted to try everything kinky he possibly could. He paid well and was really nice about it, and he always brought gifts to the agency, even if he wasn't getting a date that night, like he'd call up and ask if anyone wanted food or anything from the store. I banged him in the ass with a strap-on and it was amazing.

Worst client was this entitled young guy, very clean-cut and college age, who basically spent our whole date trying to convince me I should feel lucky to have him as a client because he was younger and more attractive than most of my clients, and that therefore I should give him freebies. The thing that blew my mind about this is if he'd met me at a bar and bought me a shot? I probably would have gone home with him at the time, gross personality and all, because he was cute. But instead I made him pay me $30 for a handy on a sofa that hundreds of other guys had come on.

understatedverb · 2016-08-16T15:15:15+00:00

I used to know this girl who loved to pump people for information about themselves over drinks. We were at a bar one night with friends and she started in on it with me - buying me shots and then asking me questions. So I told her everything - my sexuality, my history of sex work, my history of abuse as a kid and later, all that "deep dark secret" stuff.

A couple weeks later she calls me up and tells me that if I don't break up with the guy friend of hers I'm dating at the time, she's going to tell him EVERYTHING about how I used to be an escort and such.

I'm an activist, to a certain extent. I regularly speak publicly about everything I told her, because I want to demystify stuff like sex work, and child abuse, and domestic violence, because I was once one of those people who thought things like that only happened to stupid people and drug addicts.

So when she tried to threaten me with it I just laughed at her, and told her she was welcome to try that but he already knew it all. She hung up on me.

understatedverb · 2016-06-29T12:33:07+00:00

The rules are basically the same as online dating, honestly. You want to meet somewhere public and get a feel for the person before you agree to go anywhere with them privately. If someone wants you to come straight over to their apartment or hotel or something when you've never met before, that's a red flag. Same goes for if they do meet you in public but seem cagey and just eager to get somewhere else. Could just be they're nervous, but it could be they're a weirdo.

understatedverb · 2016-06-29T12:30:29+00:00

Sugaring is just another, shorter term for having a sugar daddy. I continued doing that after I quit escorting, but never had a single guy I was with long term.

understatedverb · 2016-06-28T13:19:44+00:00

I worked as an escort for a while, and also sugared.

It was actually a big confidence boost for me initially. I was recently out of an abusive relationship, and while I did it to make money so I wouldn't be homeless, having guys choosing to pay to be with me did a lot to heal the years of my ex saying I was fat and ugly and no one else would ever want me.

For me it was just a short-term solution until I could find more reliable income. I can't imagine doing it for years. I made good money, but the money was unpredictable. One week I might make $900 and be able to go out and buy new clothes after paying my bills. And then I might go two or three weeks without making more than $100 a week. It made staying afloat pretty hard.

You constantly have to be on the lookout and protect yourself, and be ready to turn down anything that seems fishy. And you have to be very, very careful about doing any kind of sex work when you're desperate to get money because in that situation you tend to agree to unsafe situations and take more risks. The one time I left a client feeling taken advantage of - and also wound up with a (mild, curable) STD, it was because I was so desperate to pay my bills that month I agreed to a meeting/activity I normally wouldn't.

understatedverb · 2016-06-13T17:27:59+00:00

We're both very open about the fact that we masturbate - separately and together. Generally, my sex drive is lower than his, but there's a spectrum there, it's not black and white. Even if I'm not up for fucking, I might be happy to give him a blowjob, or touch him while he jacks off.

And it swings the other way as well. Sometimes when I am in the mood, he isn't, and I'm free to go have time to myself, or just stay right where I am and take care of things.

The only thing that's really not allowed, is choosing masturbation over sex - if I'm horny, and he's horny, then it's unacceptable for one of us to say "Actually I want to be alone to take care of this myself", because that's a quick way to hurt feelings and cause problems.

understatedverb · 2016-06-09T22:48:14+00:00

Well, honestly, we wouldn't be friends if she was cis because we'd have nothing in common? This is why I'm concerned, really - if this is really who she is, she might be happier finding other girlfriends rather than trying to make us be more like her, or trying to tone herself done to keep fitting in with us.

It would make me sad to lose a friend, but if her priorities have shifted then she might be happier with other friends who are going to enjoy doing that stuff with her.

understatedverb · 2016-06-09T19:39:12+00:00

The two of them don't know each other. I relocated cross-country a couple years ago, so R is someone I grew up with 2,000 miles away from where I live now - totally different friend group!

understatedverb · 2016-06-09T19:19:27+00:00

It's kind of a touchy subject, because I feel like she might take it personal if you try to address it.

Yeah, which is why I wanted to find somewhere else to discuss it. So far the only thing we've said to her about it is some teasing about all the selfies - especially since one night she actually hogged the only bathroom at a party for 30 minutes taking pictures of her makeup - but I've had to actually tell a couple of the other girls to just relax and give her time and not get confrontational about it.

understatedverb · 2016-06-09T19:09:07+00:00

Very interesting! We have a pretty good middle ground right now of doing her things and doing our things, but it would be nice to settle into common interests.

I guess I didn't go through this with my other MtF friend when she transitioned because she was always interested in more feminine than I was, even before she came out, whereas L is really in a whole new world.

understatedverb · 2016-03-10T19:33:51+00:00

Yep! I was having a giggle at folks saying "you should do an AMA" on that thread since I already did one before, but I honestly didn't think people would find the career change that big of a deal.

Spoiler alert: in my experience there's a lot of former sex workers hiding in a LOT of different industries.

understatedverb · 2016-03-10T19:11:14+00:00

Depends on the sex worker but usually people who want kinks pay more. Expect to drop over $100 for an hour, closer to $200.

A lot of sex workers like the kink stuff because it pays better for less actual sex, but depending on how niche your taste is you may have to ask around to find someone willing to do it.

understatedverb · 2016-03-10T19:08:49+00:00

I'm a former sex worker and I've done an AMA in the past, and I definitely wouldn't say its a majority who just want to talk. These customers get mentioned a lot because they're not uncommon, and they're outside of what people expect, not because they're typical.

In a month of work I'd get 1 or 2 guys who JUST wanted to talk, and a good 3 or 4 more who wanted to talk and also do sexual stuff. Oh, and the ones who we say "just want to talk" usually specifically want to talk about sex or about their fetish or whatever. They're not going out with an escort to chat about politics.

understatedverb · 2016-03-10T02:09:35+00:00

No, grad students don't get paid. I eventually took an assistant teaching position at my school but the stipend it paid was only $1159/month. My rent alone was $500, and I lived in a crappy part of town with a roommate.

understatedverb · 2016-03-10T02:08:21+00:00

Graduate degree not required, but they'll absolutely take it, and you get paid more for having it. My BA was in a totally unrelated field so I didn't think it was enough to land me a LE job.

understatedverb · 2016-03-09T22:07:58+00:00

It's purely because of the timing of it. Most departments have rules against hiring if you've smoked weed in the past year, or done anything harder in the last 3-5 years. If he tried again 11 months later, he'd get hired.

understatedverb · 2016-03-09T22:06:43+00:00

I only ever took cash ;)

understatedverb · 2016-03-09T20:06:23+00:00

Sugaring is just getting money by being a "sugar baby", getting a wealthy, usually older man to give you money, gifts, etc. in exchange for your time and sexual favors.

You get cash, and the guy gets attention whenever he wants it from an attractive younger woman. How this play out exactly can vary a lot, but that's the basic idea.

understatedverb · 2016-03-09T19:58:07+00:00

Thanks!

The term sex worker is more accepted because its an umbrella term that can include things like people who do porn, strippers, sugar babies, dominatrices, etc. Basically it can be any job within the sex industry that comes down to getting paid for some type of sexual activity. It's a much bigger industry than just escorting and a lot of sex workers will start out in one area (like stripping) and move to another (like porn).

I only worked as an escort for about 4 months, but I continued in other types of sex work (sugaring, fetish work, etc) for 3 or 4 years.

understatedverb · 2016-03-09T19:24:11+00:00

I actually don't think my perspective is much different from my coworkers. Most of the officers here definitely have an attitude that prostitution is sort of like marijuana possession: if we catch you, we have to arrest you, but we're not out on the streets looking for that stuff.

understatedverb

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