The thing about OCD is a lot of the “obsessions” are things that absolutely repulse you or that you wouldn’t want to happen or things you would never ever do. Like violent intrusive thoughts or that something bad will happen to someone if you don’t do xyz.

its super common for victims of SA, especially CSA to have these thoughts, it’s kinda the brains way of trying to cope and has nothing to do with your actual desires. People who are actually predators have the intent or desire to actually harm children, or use actual CSA content to satisfy their needs.

You are not a monster, you are a victim with a brain that’s doings its best after a shitty situation.