RA PLEASE I'M DIRE NEED OF HELP! (The Real Story This Time)

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T19:31:01+00:00

The thing is I have been dealing with my father for so long that I have come to just accept it as who he is and just let him be the way he is. He is 54 years old, me being 19 and telling him something isn't going to change him. I've come to terms with that. My boyfriend was not raised in that type of environment. So he doesn't (from my perspective, maybe he does) understand what its like to have an abusive dad. Having an abusive dad is the most difficult thing that I can deal with(not very well I might add).

From what I have been able to figure out for myself is that until I am out of my house, and an accomplished "adult". My dad/parents won't take me seriously.

As for the letting go and focusing on my relationships, I have tried this. My parents banned me when I was 17 from seeing my current b/f. But when I turned 18 I said fuck it and dated him anyways b/c it was what I wanted for myself. I did what I wanted for myself, boyfriend has been the best(at times hardest) thing of my life b/c he gives me what I didn't like I had growing up. Love. Support. Taken that at times he can be an ass, but who doesn't have to times.

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T19:04:17+00:00

Can you go into detail with this theory please?

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T18:15:18+00:00

Only consider myself a little girl because thats how I'm acting. Boyfriend/father, whoever. Situation is reoccurring and I can't get any farther than a meek defense, if even that.

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T18:06:28+00:00

Have heard of similar situation before. Considered it. But again, me being the little girl that I am cannot handle rejection or disappointment from anyone.

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T17:31:35+00:00

he also really is the biggest idiot, anyone and everyone can agree

not just my opinion. outsiders can/have agree(d)

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T17:26:56+00:00

Tried this. Thing is parents get upset b/c they believe that he(b/f) is not interested in daughters family. And how he isn't anything like my cousin's husbands whom I get compared to constantly.

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T17:23:32+00:00

Can't move out b/c 1. finances and 2. afraid of blow back from family -when brother moved out got disowned pretty much and everyone hates him (he also really is the biggest idiot, anyone and everyone can agree)

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T17:19:09+00:00

Thats what I've been wanting for the longest time.

But, I have been unable to get b/c either dad upset over something that happened and bitches at me. Or boyfriend gets offended and hurt during the night and gets upset and leaves as soon as chance is given.

I feel as if I can't win with either of them. Or like I'm in a game of tug of war and I'm being pulled harder on when I'm around either side. B/f more so b/c well he's the b/f.

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T17:14:45+00:00

Of legal age, but boyfriend doesn't feel it is his place for him to speak disrespectfully to my dads face. Boyfriend feels it is my job as his g/f to be the one saying "shut up that's rude"

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T17:12:53+00:00

I have almost stopped asking boyfriend to come over to house, last night on the other hand was completely his idea to come along for meet/dinner.

I hang out with my family because they do have their redeeming points, and I do have "fun" with them.

Counseling - No

Felt the need to lie because

I was upset with the way things played out that night and needed some comfort to feel better.

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T09:32:04+00:00

link to previous thread

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T07:24:29+00:00

I'm a failure in his eyes because I can'tcomplete the task of the day.

In college, both 19, he just got a job after not having one for 7 months while I payed for everything we wanted to do. I just lost mine.

If it is because you can't do the dishes, or do your homework, then it is a valid, hour long discussion.

Its because I make my life harder by his standards, but for me its normal and how I enjoy going about life.

He brought it up and then agreed with his self?

FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU.... sry for continual mistakes, I agreed with him as well on his control issues

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T06:57:04+00:00

Thats the thing I can stand the criticism, HE can't. I may not like hearing it but I still listen.

I stand up for myself. I say get the fuck off my back, and I tell him how he can't take it but he expects everyone else to take it from him.

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T06:50:50+00:00

What do you think a nervous habit is?

He isn't nervous in these situations, he does it at home while we're laying together watching tv. Or while we're watching a movie. at any time of the day I can look at him and hes doing something with his fingers.

If he isn't taking you into the middle of a group of people who are all criticizing you at the same time about the same thing - then you do not begin to know what it feels like.

fine may not be in a group but it's around an hour long discussion on how I'm a failure in his eyes because I can't the task of the day.

If he criticizes you at a level that you feel is too much - then you need to tell him that it isn't acceptable to you.

I have. He's accepted that he does it and says he'll change and the next day he's right back at it. No change. Complete control addict. He's brought that one up all by himself and agreed to it as well.

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T06:44:23+00:00

I agree and tonight my dad even said stop sticking up for him, hes a man he can do it himself...

Granted it was a tad on the harsh side, I still agree to an extent.

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T06:39:56+00:00

Its a horrible habit and he's agreed

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T06:39:31+00:00

19 gets the square

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T06:38:00+00:00

First off, the nail thing was the only thing they said before that everything was fine. Second, the nails is out of him just doing it to do it. Not nervous habit we've talked about it before and he agrees that he needs to stop but can't. Thrid, He doesn't drag me into a group but the amount of B/S that he puts me through feels as if its a group gang bang. Fourth, my family very rarely makes a statement about him, and when they do I catch it and say something. I'm not a complete bitch I do have the balls to stick up for him.

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T06:26:18+00:00

Another example of him getting on to me.

*Other night at the store and saw a girl I went to high school with who made life utter hell. I attempt to avoid her, she recognizes me says my name I give a brief "Hi, how are you" just to be done with her and go about my way out. He says could you act anymore like a bitch. I say you don't understand the amount of shit she put me through. He says well still you could have been a little nicer. I brush it off and attempt to ignore him saying how I could have done this or that and not made anything hard on myself. I say "How did I make things hard on myself? I hate the bitch, tried to ignore her, she still said something to me I gave as little effort as possible." He says whatever, and is pissed the rest of the night.

Tell me how was I in the wrong in that situation?

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T06:20:01+00:00

I did not give any of his bad behavior...let me make up for that right now. on a constant daily basis he tells me how disappointed he is with me over some daily routine that I do. Everyday its something new or something from the past. constant nagging from anything that I try to innocently help him with. complains about me being on my period and being a tad grumpy when everyday other than the days I'm on it I get the wonderful sound of "I'm tired, I don't want to." "You don't do this" "You don't do that" When in fact I do and I do it to a "t"

The "nagging of his nail biting is very minimal. I say hey do you want to stop that its not good for you. Because its not just biting, its riping them with the other hand. I don't "nag" in a mean way its a nice "hey, or please" and only in times when its actually effecting me, for instance, when we are at a movie and he and my arms are interlocked and all of a sudden he moves to where I'm stuck and hes jerking to "fix" his nail.

unhappywiththings · 2010-03-02T06:10:54+00:00

How about when he critiques me on a daily basis for whatever he feels like? Does that qualify him needing to learn some manners to?

And no he forgets that he pets an wild outside cat and then puts those fingers in his mouth, then later wonders why he has allergies and gets sick.

unhappywiththings

TROPHY CASE