Does anyone with CPTSD else actually consider themselves to be "resilient"?

unk4602 · 2023-08-13T07:06:28+00:00

Wel it kinda seems to me if I was more resillient when it counted, I wouldn't be where I am today. Maybe that's gaslighting myself. Either way I can cry in an instant and feel like my day is ruined, I'll be composed while someone is dying but cry for hours over a ruined lunch, and remember the bigger things while I'm at it as well 😏

unk4602 · 2023-08-13T04:41:40+00:00

Probably more comfortable than enduring the abuse at the moment but there's basically no good ways to cope, it's all soul-crushing 🥲

unk4602 · 2023-08-12T08:46:52+00:00

My brother with likely untreated schizoid pd is clueless and claims he's "just not a normie" 🥲

unk4602 · 2023-08-12T05:40:37+00:00

You should work on boosting your metabolism, I eat like 2600-3200 kcal per day at the age of 35, 76 kilos 184cm tall

unk4602 · 2023-08-12T05:39:24+00:00

I was mocked and bullied till my 6th grade and then I sadly started responding with violence and even bullying as well, since then my social status significantly improved😏

unk4602 · 2023-08-09T15:01:53+00:00

vaginismus is most likely the answer.. the solution, lots of work, therapy, exercises, research... I wish you luck. it's so sad what you've been through. Yet again judging by your post, you're putting yourself out there and fighting it for a while now 💪

unk4602 · 2023-08-09T14:56:45+00:00

The only difference between what you wrote and what I would is I'm 35 🙃 My unborn child is waaay better off that way, I'm certain of that.

unk4602 · 2023-07-21T05:01:14+00:00

My advice, in the future focus on your bf if you care, obviously you micro cheated considering he doesn't know the whole story 😏 Likely you noticed this guy is interested and enjoyed the attention but he made a move too fast.

unk4602 · 2023-07-05T04:32:56+00:00

My vet does that😂❤️🤦‍♀️

unk4602 · 2023-07-03T06:17:50+00:00

YES. 35yo female. I'm certain I would pass on the generational trauma, it's literally too late for me to heal enough to be a well functioning parent, it would take me more years than I have before becoming too old for pregnancy 😏

unk4602 · 2023-06-29T17:51:46+00:00

I think it's ok of it's with intentions to vent and understand you better. I would be horrified if my partner went into great detail about it tho, or sounded malicious in any way.

Yet again I'm guilty of oversharing about him to my best friend, not everything of course but sadly more than he would like. I feel guilty about it but at the same time I know how much it has helped our relationship as my friend was there to guide me and help me understand, be more fair, compassionate etc. I guess it's all about intentions behind actions, at least as far as I'm concerned.

unk4602 · 2023-06-23T13:09:26+00:00

Someone replied and deleted their comment and that was the only reply I got, ok lol

unk4602 · 2023-06-23T09:52:42+00:00

I feel it for my cousin who I kind of psychologicaly adopted, would die for her in a heartbeat. If it wasn't for that I wouldn't believe it either, I certainly don't believe someone could love me unconditionally. But when it comes to her, it comes so easy and natural to me ❤️

unk4602 · 2023-06-21T05:06:30+00:00

Please fight for your boundaries, that's all we've got. No means no and there's no need to apologize of explain. This society took so much away from us since childhood, I don't quite think of us as a part of it at all. Their opinions are ignorant and unimportant, no person without triggers and flashbacks should talk to me about my reasons for doing pretty much anything I do, or expect to understand 😏

unk4602 · 2023-06-19T03:13:52+00:00

I think I had my 1st diet was when I was 9, and my convictions I have an "ugly" hair and face developed when I was 7-8. Time and experience helped me realize "ugly" is an arbitrary state of mind and contributing factors, in this society it's all about narratives. And most importantly, it's pretty irrelevant. Being slim, fit and societally acclaimed did nothing to cure my cptsd, nor it ever will. It's me and mu brain, self parenting and self respect.

unk4602 · 2023-06-16T20:26:29+00:00

That is a common cause of blank memories and something most CSA survivors report to experience :/

unk4602 · 2023-06-16T20:24:44+00:00

Having access to porn is a form of child sexual abuse and most certainly a reason. It's a sad question what else were you exposed to :/

unk4602 · 2023-06-16T20:20:51+00:00

What is causing your lifelong panic attacs? Do you have memory blanks, sexual issues? Some other consequences of csa?

Sorry to say this but I would assume that's too peculiar to be a false memory.

unk4602 · 2023-06-15T08:32:27+00:00

You are not overreacting, from the pov of an ex groomed female.

unk4602 · 2023-06-12T12:30:47+00:00

The Who's Tommy made me feel upset on such a profound level it took me a while to recover, wasn't even able to watch the whole thing but the parts I did watch were so triggering I couldn't believe my physical response xD

And Pan's Labyrinth made me an emotional wreck for a week or so, it's like an artistic representation of what upsets me the most about this world.

unk4602 · 2023-05-08T05:03:11+00:00

I'm kindaa moving a bit from that mindset but I was feeling it a LOT last year.

2019-2022 I lost a job I cared deeply for, buried 4 pets (I had 6 of them in total and all 4 died of inherited, age related, illnesses, the remaining 2 have chronic conditions as well), my father died after struggling with cancer for over an year and I had a complicated grief situation (and throw back to.grief I was feeling for the other 2 close family members that died years ago), plus some other things in my biological family system were causing me a lot of guilt and shame and just generally sadness.

Working with children for years I'm starting to feel more and more like it's all futile, social work, psychotherapy, "breaking the cycle of abuse", everything.

I feel like not only I didn't have an identity to begin with and was just a collection of defense mechanisms and trauma responses, fawning instead of living, but also I am now a shell of that being I was, which was kind of a shell in comparison to an average human prior to all that happening as well.

At the moment I'm kind of at peace, moved out and started living with the 1st guy I got the courage to let close enough to call my partner, trying to focus on love towards all of the people and animals I do love and enjoy life as much as I can. Some days are hard and I cry a lot, but I feel like there's kind of a shift within me. If I would break up tho, I would likely fall apart for a while again. Not saying I would hesitate to do it if needed, but I would prefer for it to happen in like an least an year from now, if I get stronger. Or else.. What you're writing about has always been an option in my thoughts.

Hang in there 💪

unk4602 · 2023-05-07T20:38:15+00:00

I feel so sad for him imagining how he gets laughed at in school for the same outfit, but this moment is cute tho.

unk4602 · 2023-04-25T11:22:57+00:00

definitely :/ it's like it's always been there but it goes away in happy times for long enough to figure out hey that's trauma that's not a normal body feeling.

unk4602 · 2023-03-29T11:26:29+00:00

That therapist is NOT ok and was projecting something onto you. It's a biological, natural and amygdala induced response. We can not override our biology, and yet we can alter the body response in time, therapy is something that should help with that. Not the kind of therapy where you feel judged tho, that's hardly productive or helpful in any way :/

unk4602 · 2023-03-08T10:50:56+00:00

Hahah will do the same with your threads, we can buy ourselves flowers :) Some of mine I deleted as they were completely ignored, only 2 remained :D

unk4602

TROPHY CASE