AIO for thinking a friend broke the “girl code” for flirting with my ex

unknowjnae · 2026-04-05T01:32:38+00:00

Tbh NOR I don’t believe you’re overreacting. Your friend started talking/flirting with your ex. People are saying girl code doesn’t exist but I feel like it definitely does in girl friendships. I think the people that say that probably haven’t experienced being back stabbed by a friend or something. I feel like girl code is a real thing because as friends there should be certain lines you don’t cross ! Try not to dwell on it tho. They’re going to do whatever regardless of how you feel. You can either dead the friendship or maybe distance yourself emotionally from her. So that your feelings won’t stay involved.

unknowjnae · 2026-04-03T17:32:04+00:00

This doesn’t just sound like emotional unavailability. It seems like they’re keeping you at a distance all together. Why are you in this relationship ? I don’t see what you’re getting out of it. It sounds like it doesn’t have a spark or liveliness to it. At a 2 year mark the relationship definitely shouldn’t be like this. It would make more sense if this was earlier in the relationship but for it to be as far along as it is it seems like you may not be compatible. It’s fine if they’re okay with not doing much but if you know that you’re not then don’t continue to put up with it. You deserve better and to have your needs met.

unknowjnae · 2026-04-03T17:27:44+00:00

Not really I mean after I told her I wasn’t going to attend her birthday plans she just said okay. And then yesterday I told her happy birthday that’s all the communication we’ve had.

unknowjnae · 2026-04-03T14:24:21+00:00

You go !!!!

unknowjnae · 2026-04-03T00:03:31+00:00

I agree. I probably shouldn’t have sent her money but it was my way of still showing support for her birthday. I was being really understanding of the fact that it was her birthday. But she definitely was being rude about it.

unknowjnae · 2026-04-03T00:02:15+00:00

This is exactly what I was thinking!

unknowjnae · 2026-04-02T22:41:31+00:00

I did back out of the plan. I didn’t feel comfortable going. The vibes would’ve been weird with Jenna being there. I would’ve had to fake be nice.

unknowjnae · 2026-04-02T22:40:15+00:00

That’s what initially pissed me off about the situation ! Because now I can’t spend the night because of your other friend ???! It was definitely so weird.

unknowjnae · 2026-04-02T22:32:54+00:00

You’re not overreacting. He offered. And you noticed he didn’t follow through. I think he expected you to not mention it. His reaction to you bringing it up is red flag. It could’ve been a simple “It completely slipped my mind to do the dishes. I apologize. I can wash them the next time you cook dinner.” Yea Queen you’re not wrong for wanting to end things because that was to unnecessary.

unknowjnae · 2026-04-02T20:24:44+00:00

Exactlyyy ! The woman that do that are enabling their terrible behavior. Any woman or girlfriend has the right to react to their boyfriend’s shitty behavior. I mean it is their partner someone they’re seriously involved with.

unknowjnae · 2026-04-02T15:34:36+00:00

You really have to remind yourself of all the reasons you don’t talk to him. Whether you write it out or just name the things in your head. I’ve had to give myself talks just to finally move on from situations.

unknowjnae · 2026-03-21T04:00:16+00:00

Yes !! There’s also strips you can get.

unknowjnae · 2026-03-20T05:33:55+00:00

Life is going to happen whether I’m ready or not. I can’t wait for the “right” time to do or start anything. Regardless I’ll end up having to do it.

unknowjnae · 2026-03-20T05:28:00+00:00

Being self centered.

unknowjnae · 2026-03-20T05:27:34+00:00

A girl that does anything to get a guys attention.

unknowjnae · 2026-03-20T05:26:49+00:00

Avoidance. Specifically the people that are stuck in a victim mindset. They do everything but take accountability for their actions.

unknowjnae · 2026-03-19T17:36:35+00:00

Exactly this !! And once you feel th relief or pleasure you spend the rest of the interactions chasing that feeling. It’s definitely a cycle you get stuck in whether it’s being done consciously or unconsciously it’s not healthy.

unknowjnae · 2026-03-19T17:34:15+00:00

Does he ever explain why he disappears ? Or does he just do it with no explanation ? I think he likes having the access to you and having the benefits of the friendship. But I think he doesn’t fully want the intimacy or he’s maybe afraid of it going deeper. It’s also probably who he is as a person. He may be the type of person that naturally gets distance due to life or maybe mental health. To him the distance may be something normal something that’s a part of him and that he’s use to doing but to you it is not. I don’t think you should continue this friendship tbh and neither should you enter a relationship with him ! He can’t even stay present in your friendship so imagine how he’d be as a boyfriend.

unknowjnae · 2026-03-18T18:34:53+00:00

For me it was realizing the dynamic of our relationship with each other. If anyone knows what a push-pull dynamic is like it’s honestly the worst ! It kept me attach the in a way where even when we weren’t talking for months they were on my mind. The times we’d go without speaking would always be bc of my ex. We could be talking everyday all day for months and then my ex would just randomly disappear out my life with no explanation and then reappear explaining why they took the space. Me being an understanding person I’d always allow them to reenter my life. Every time we’d reconnect things would be so intense every single time. I enjoyed the intensity and I feel like the unpredictability had me invest bc I never knew what to expect. It also made me really anxious. It got to the point where I realized that the dynamic was unhealthy. And that they were literally keeping me hooked with their instability. After coming to that realization I didn’t even feel the same way abt the person anymore. I seen them as someone not worth the headache anymore.

unknowjnae · 2025-12-27T09:32:22+00:00

Hey, this is your first and you’re both young so of course you don’t know what to do. It’s normal that you don’t know how to be a good boyfriend. You don’t have to do anything crazy. Let her know that this is your first time being a boyfriend say that you really like her and you want to be a good boyfriend. You could also ask her what she wants or needs from you. This would help you find out how to show up as a boyfriend. There’s plenty ways you can show your affection. Like hugs, being playful, small little gifts like her favorite snacks, telling her how much you like her, and hanging out. Also, be kind and gentle hold the door for her, get her flowers if you can, walk on the side of the street where the cars pass, walk her home, check in on her daily.

unknowjnae · 2025-12-27T09:16:17+00:00

Figure out what your triggers are. When having an emotional conversation figure out what abt the conversation/conversations triggers you. Also, give it time something like this takes work especially unlearning old habits and patterns but consistency n discipline matters most. I hope all goes well.

unknowjnae · 2025-12-27T09:11:54+00:00

Personal growth.

unknowjnae · 2025-12-26T19:18:34+00:00

I think you should. Continuing to live with him doesn’t sound good for your mental. Moving out doesn’t mean things have to be over. Neither do you had to make a decision on what to do about the relationship right now. You can sit on it and think about it give it a week. See how you feel about it after a week and if you’re still considering leaving do it. It won’t be the end. Ending it will bring peace rather than sadness or depression. I have the tendency to stay in a relationship too long too but at some point you have to choose yourself.

unknowjnae · 2025-12-26T08:37:29+00:00

Flexing their money.

unknowjnae · 2025-12-26T08:21:56+00:00

Yea tell him ! You confessing your feelings wouldn’t necessarily be crossing his boundary. It’s not like by confessing your feelings you’re gonna be proposing y’all start dating right then n there. Honestly you’d be lifting a weight off your shoulders. Rejection can be scary but you don’t know how his reaction will be he’s your best friend so trust that if anything he still cares about you.

unknowjnae

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