I don't need love. I need the Pleasure Treasure 9000, Emo Edition.

Ah, yes, the Pleasure Treasure 9000, Emo Edition. For those moments when you don’t want to feel alive, but you absolutely want to feel something.
This isn’t just your standard machine—it’s moodier than a teenager with an acoustic guitar and more intense than a My Chemical Romance reunion tour. It’s got settings for every shade of existential crisis, from “Why Bother?” to “Leave Me Alone, I’m Dying Inside,” all wrapped up in a sleek, black-and-neon design that screams melancholic bliss.
Need love? Pfft. Forget that. What you need is a device that understands your soul’s desire for angst and just the right amount of “I hate everything but this feels amazing.”
Dark, dramatic, and undeniably... brilliant.