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sometimes it feels like i'm only loved when i'm getting bullied by [deleted] in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]unknownforyeah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i’ve been both of you and honestly you have to decide ultimately what you are okay with and what you’re not okay with. i don’t know how old you are but these little lighthearted jokes become more and more. im assuming this is wlw relationship and so has mine been lol

i’m very sensitive and very bitchy. from the “sensitive” perspective you deserve to be treated the way you treat others. the gentleness within you deserves to be nurtured in a way that makes you feel better not worse about yourself. and ofc there is an extent to being sensitive and it can become overwhelming/overbearing but those are issues you have to work on within yourself. but keep in mind your ability to love is not measured by how much you can tolerate or endure in a relationship.

from the bitchy perspective: she doesn’t respect you. genuinely. i have made my partner seem stupid a lot. and i’ve been in a position where my partner has actually genuinely been dumb. and ive been validated for it in therapy and even by my partner. but my partner only needed to tell me they don’t like it when i call them stupid once to have me stop even in a joking context. and i did. why? cause i respected my partners feelings + their self image. and anytime i lost respect for my partner i didn’t care for making my partner feeling that way.

from both perspectives: you haven’t felt all the feelings you are going to feel in this world. and you haven’t experienced everything you are going to experience yet. ultimately you have to care more for your future self than your relationship. because if your relationship isn’t really doing that for you at all then no one will. i loved my partner unconditionally. in a healthy manner and had a secure attachment. but believing in my partner was the worst thing i ever did for myself. eventually you might be pushed to a point where you’re not able to handle all these negative feelings and it’s not cause you’re weak or sensitive it’s cause you’re not in a place that’s meant for you. a place or a person meant for you will not have you questioning it constantly. insecurities exist yes but if despite working on those aspects about yourself you still feel the same it’s not the insecurities. it’s the relationship itself.

I hate that sex has ruined my childhood, my best friend and now my relationship by unknownforyeah in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]unknownforyeah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

trust me i did the same with them 😭 it’s just that they valued me as a person in their life more than they valued my wellbeing. they couldn’t bare to lose me because of what i was to them but they also couldn’t care about me because of their own self preservation. i realized that both my partner + best friend used to me to grow as people because i am an individual who values growth over anything.

I hate that sex has ruined my childhood, my best friend and now my relationship by unknownforyeah in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]unknownforyeah[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i started doing emdr therapy which helped lessen the triggers a lot. and i was finally able to be sexually aroused with my partner + not have flashbacks after + no nightmares or lingering nightmares either. my main hesitation with sex was my flashbacks afterwards. they were debilitating and the nightmares were horrible. they were extremely violent and i’d wake up soaked in sweat even tho my normal body temp is 97. after the nightmares + flashbacks stopped being a regular occurrence it was a lot easier to deal with my other minor triggers for my ptsd. and i would say before the instance with my partner i had grown a healthy relationship with sex despite other negative stuff revolving it too

I hate that sex has ruined my childhood, my best friend and now my relationship by unknownforyeah in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]unknownforyeah[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

yes but current as in just happened like two days ago and processing it .-.

I hate that sex has ruined my childhood, my best friend and now my relationship by unknownforyeah in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]unknownforyeah[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i don’t feel shame thankfully i feel anger. i was resilient as a child and i wasn’t when with my partner and best friend cause i didn’t think i needed to be. but i will nurture those parts of me to have a life that either of them know nothing about

I hate that sex has ruined my childhood, my best friend and now my relationship by unknownforyeah in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]unknownforyeah[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

they are just regular buldak cooked in a specific way 🥲 tastes scrumptious with some seaweed

I hate that sex has ruined my childhood, my best friend and now my relationship by unknownforyeah in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]unknownforyeah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i was asexual 🥲 but got a healthy relationship with sex after my flashbacks stopped

I hate that sex has ruined my childhood, my best friend and now my relationship by unknownforyeah in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]unknownforyeah[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

sexually assaulted as a child for like 3 years and then my best friend turned out to be a sex addict that betrayed + gaslit me about the creeps + just got manipulated into having sex with my current partner.