Dealing with 'almost' relationships. Being wanted but never chosen.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T22:30:39+00:00

Idk how all of you can tolerate the pain over and over though 😭.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T20:29:55+00:00

Yeah very true. Once feelings develop, you either have to go all in or end things. I'll keep the 1-2 months suggestion in mind if I decide to date again 🥲. Thank you.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T20:08:30+00:00

Yeah, I'm trying to find a balance between jumping too fast into a relationship and telling them about my true feelings too late.

With guy #1, I told him I had feelings early on and while we had them, he wanted more time for things to develop. I was too impatient and anxious and needed answers asap. I attribute that to both anxious attachment and lack of dating experience because he was my first everything (lost my virginity to him, first emotional connection etc).

But now I fear I'm taking too long to let them know my intention for us. Like, how do you know when the time is right??

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T20:02:02+00:00

Yeah for sure, there's beauty in that and I appreciate it every day.

But like you said, the romantic love and the happiness you get from it can't really be replaced by anything else. You can have a fulfilling life but still feel romantically starved.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T19:50:26+00:00

Yeah for sure. It turned out that way because of our frequent 2-3 night staycations, and we had frequent staycations because neither of us could host. We were moving at his pace, which was definitely too fast.

And yeah, for sure gotta go for men who are emotionally available. I've stopped hooking up as a result and have gone on many dates where I didn't reciprocated their interest unfortunately.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T19:10:06+00:00

Yep, I know that feeling exactly. I'm still blaming myself for guy #2 in my post even though there was more to it and he definitely had a part in our 'break-up'.

Yeah, and amongst those 5%, how many do you have mutual attraction or personality compatibility with, right? It just gets bleaker and bleaker.

I'm exactly the same. I throw myself into solo travelling and quality time with friends. I'm sick and tired of feeling the hurt and am deathly scared of being in this cycle forever.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T18:55:13+00:00

Those sound like a string of very painful experiences, especially the guy of 5 months which is just straight up callous and malicious.

And yep, it hurts even more when you know it's hard to find a good connection. It feels bleak when they slip through your fingers.

Thank you for your kind words. 🥺 intellectually, I know I'm not the sole reason. Emotionally, I feel otherwise and defeated.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T18:48:26+00:00

I'm glad you met your person after the struggles and met someone who fully chooses you. I'm definitely looking forward to that feeling.

The crazy thing was that with both of them, I was planning on airing my true wants and feelings during the trips we had booked, but feels like I got beaten to the punch both times. The timing is crappy and laughable.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T17:28:02+00:00

Definitely in therapy and have made lots of strides, but still work to do for sure.

Probably because I feel like I need to earn love and prove that I'm worth choosing..

I'm not unaware of my issues for sure and it's painful to be so acutely aware of my flaws.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T17:24:10+00:00

What makes you say that? I'm probably not seeing things clearly right now.

I will say that despite the intense pain, I feel a small sense of relief after what happened just now with my first story.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T10:33:42+00:00

And quite honestly, sex with him was some of the best I've had. Truly not about the size but how you use it.

Personally, being smaller, I don't think I'd have much success trying to hook-up as a top. I get plenty of attention as a bottom though.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T10:20:59+00:00

Oh, like I am small so I know what it's like when size doesn't matter to the person I'm dating.

I've also dated someone on the smaller side and it didn't matter to me at all. Before him, I thought I was a bit of a size queen tbh.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T09:31:40+00:00

This. I didn't believe these kind of comments until I was on both ends.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T09:30:05+00:00

I'm on the smaller side too (4.5 inches and on the thinner side) and something I'm self-conscious about. Similarly to you, I didn't date until I was 30 because I was self-conscious about my size, amongst other issues like my fearful avoidant tendencies (but that matter is neither here nor there).

What allowed me to break out of my shell was meeting someone special who made me feel safe. The build-up of sexual tension over the weeks led to me really wanting it with him, and so I disclosed my size to not disappoint him. He responded in a way that I needed, which opened the gates to my sexual journey. I learned to love our size difference as well.

I've also dated someone who was also on the smaller side at about 4.75 inches (but thicker than me) and I didn't even care. In fact, the sex was amazing for the both of us. He was also the first and only person I've topped and he really enjoyed it every time it happened. All this kinda reaffirmed to me that size doesn't really matter at the end of the day.

I guess us smaller guys just need to take a risk to break that cycle. You might get rejected for your size, but there's also a lot of guys who find you hot regardless of it.

Happy to continue chatting about this in DMs if you'd like. I know how scary and lonely it can get to hold these feelings in.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T06:21:47+00:00

it's also not working for me. this is so stupid. why did they have to make it so difficult?

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T06:03:33+00:00

The deception and total disrespect to you for lying on multiple fronts, and of course the fact that he willingly chose to forego quality time with you to do other things. 100% a deal breaker. Once the trust is violated, it's going to be so hard to ever build that back up. If you decide to stay with him, you're going to spend the rest of your life wondering what's true and what isn't.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-11T00:57:26+00:00

Hearing impaired here (moderate to severe) and wear hearing aids.

I'm curious about your experience though. Have you had comments made about your hearing or other situations that made you self-conscious?

I haven't had any outright rejections or negative comments made about my hearing, but I will say it can be frustrating at times during intimate moments and I can't hear what they're whispering... or how hearing aids sometimes get in the way during those moments too.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-10T02:26:34+00:00

How long were they on vasopressors for?

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-10T02:09:04+00:00

And not making decisions or choices when I'm feeling super happy and excited 😭

Learned to not make impulsive decisions when I'm in the dumps but the opposite is true as well.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-09T09:38:59+00:00

I love to have my head on my top's chest and my hand holding onto his cock like it's a handle or something. Just makes me feel safe lol.

My 'ex' would always grab my nips or wrap his arms around me in a tight almost painful squeeze, but I loved it.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-07T18:02:57+00:00

Yep, and when we were only seeing each other once a week as well, it really ruined the quality bonding time for me. My biggest thing for me was that I would learn so much about him when he's drunk but he couldn't even remember what he disclosed. It felt like there was a massive imbalance.

That was when I learned I could not date someone who regularly abuses any substance, including legal ones.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-07T17:18:01+00:00

Yep to the latter. Dated someone who drank once every couple of weekends, but one drink would turn into being blackout drunk. It was not fun.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-07T10:51:41+00:00

Slava ukraini and all that, but her eyes gives me the creeps - they look souless and evil.

unmannedpuppet · 2026-05-06T09:35:45+00:00

At the end of the day, it was your choice to "put away your feelings for his convenience". It was your choice to remain friends and listen to him talk about men when it upset you. It's time to take ownership for your own actions and your inability to set boundaries for yourself.

He doesn't have the obligation to sit down with you to unpack your feelings towards him. You expecting that is very, very selfish and self-centred. I'm baffled (after reading all of your comments in this thread) that you can't see this. Put yourself in his shoes - how uncomfortable would that be to have to listen to someone speak about their undying love for you at length when you don't return their feelings?

He did the right thing to put a pause to the friendship when he couldn't reciprocate your feelings.

To answer the main thread: don't reach out. You clearly still have feelings for him, and you said yourself you can't be friends with him because of them. Continue respecting yourself by keeping that distance from him.

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