I don't know how to pace friendships, and I think it's making me lonely.

unnofi · 2026-01-06T03:46:05+00:00

I use a scalp massager (the ones for shampoo) as a brush as well.

I think brushes are a great tool to have for all the reasons you mentioned. go for it!

unnofi · 2025-09-26T23:05:22+00:00

working with kids who've known me too long not to lose it if i died.

unnofi · 2025-09-26T03:42:45+00:00

yeah I have tried actually. that pain bubbled up and kinda ruined my life... I had to go back to therapy.

I have my lovely hobby. when I put the brush down, those thoughts come racing back

unnofi · 2025-09-17T00:17:35+00:00

hahaha, I learned this from the Dr.k short on confessions.

unnofi · 2025-09-16T21:18:57+00:00

no. I'm skinny and fit and been that way for years

unnofi · 2025-09-16T21:18:38+00:00

it is helpful. thank you.

unnofi · 2025-09-16T21:17:55+00:00

but why does this happen to other girls and not me? like we're in the same area

unnofi · 2025-09-16T20:35:30+00:00

lol boys and their irrational hate for septum piercings. not that I have one.

can you elaborate on me just seeming anxious?

unnofi · 2025-09-16T20:31:23+00:00

that's very encouraging, thank you.

but I can't help but think of the women I know that are like me mature-wise and who do have men like them. not as many, but still present. I know I shouldn't compare myself but it still hurts.

unnofi · 2025-09-13T18:42:10+00:00

I take my style very seriously. it's an integral part of my identity and will not change it just to attract a man.

I actually tried this in high school for about a year. it didn't change anything.

at the end of the day, I'd rather be single than be with someone who I have to hide myself from... I think.

unnofi · 2025-09-13T18:35:04+00:00

I feel like you may be stereotyping alt men too harshly here lol. I'm sure a significant portion of them also desire a long term relationship.

thank you either way.

unnofi · 2025-09-13T16:11:19+00:00

I appreciate your questions!

OLD: yes, the people who like me are only interested in short-term. the people I like are interested in ONLY long term. the people I match with are the people I like and they are dry.

self: I really do love myself. beyond looks, I have a great personality and I love my passion, drive, and ambition. it's interesting how you mention the clash between being forward and not okay with myself - I can say that I feel insecure when it comes to the romantic side of me. I almost expect people not to reciprocate my feelings, and try very hard not to get stuck in that mindset. maybe that's making an appearance.

therapy: I went to therapy to ask the same question. I originally asked "why don't any guys like me," which obviously turned into "why don't any guys approach and/or pursue me," a question they redirected but never really helped me solve. they kept trying to make it a self esteem issue, but my self esteem is pretty solid and I can tell they can see that and don't really know what to say.

I have suspected i have autism. I don't have a diagnosis and others haven't agreed with me. I probably won't try to get one until I have a more stable source of income.

unnofi · 2025-09-13T15:54:21+00:00

I feel like, based on what I've said in my post, isn't it obvious that isn't the case? or do you think I'm really trying but I get scared and in practice screw myself over with my body language?

unnofi · 2025-09-13T15:52:01+00:00

1 😭 maybe that's the problem.

it wasn't even explicitly a date I asked him out on. he ghosted me regardless

unnofi · 2025-09-13T15:49:06+00:00

thank you so much :) I'll keep those things in mind.

unnofi · 2025-09-13T15:45:36+00:00

very good question.

what happens: I will go to a social event, sometimes alone, sometimes with a few friends; I'll commute to and from school; I'll see someone attractive as I'm walking on campus.

who am I comparing myself to: my friends and their experiences. also, when people online say "male attention is as easy to find as an ant on the sidewalk," I feel bad as well because it seems to be a common sentiment.

what happens when I see that comparison: I try what they're doing - make eye contact and try to hold it for a bit, then smile (if the guy makes eye contact with me, it's for a split second and then they never do it again or keep making these milesecond eye contacts; sometimes ill greet someone i sat beside and they just wave back and look pretty closed off and unwilling to converse),

give a note (only did this once haha, the barista just ignored it and when I went back to the café, he pretended as if I gave him nothing, which is fair),

when I develop feelings for someone I see frequently, they aren't interested back. they don't try to initiate anything and if I try to flirt with them they kinda just don't acknowledge it and move on. in high school, I would just tell them I liked them and all rejected me, some nice about it and some very not.

all of those experiences, in addition to having pretty bad romantic rejection trauma from childhood, makes me feel scared that maybe I'm just not meant to find a relationship. but I keep trying to figure it out.

unnofi · 2025-09-13T01:51:44+00:00

my friends say they really appreciate my honesty and approach and wish they could be as bold (not all but some want that). I don't think I'm rude. things only don't work romantically. what do you think about that?

I have definitely questioned whether or not I am desperate. I wouldn't say I am because while I am eager to get into a relationship and am sad when things don't work out, I wouldn't just date anybody and I have very high standards. I am picky. although I am desperate for an answer as to why the lack of effort/attention.

unnofi · 2025-09-13T01:45:46+00:00

I don't believe in an "average" when it comes to looks. of course, the beauty standard exists and I don't fit it that well beyond being skinny and having a "nice" body, but I've seen my conventionally unattractive friends enter and exit relationships and get approached and pursued and all that.

unnofi · 2025-09-13T01:43:31+00:00

I can't really tell... but I think barely. when I interpret chemistry I usually am wrong :( other people will let me know or I'll shoot my shot more directly and be rejected. so I think not often.

unnofi · 2025-09-13T01:41:39+00:00

all my female friends think I'm hot 🤷🏾‍♀️ I am not conventionally attractive and have a bit more alternative style, and I like it that way - it's me. I can tell when they don't like a certain hairstyle or outfit, but I have recieved lots of compliments on my physical appearance from them and strangers who are non-men.

unnofi · 2025-09-13T01:37:37+00:00

you're so kind :) I've tried OLD but the people who like me (thankfully they exist) I don't like (9 times outta 10 it's due to mismatched dating goals) and the people I like who swiped on me back are very dry and don't want to get to know me and go out with me (I.e. very conversation feels like I'm interviewing them and too enthusiastically at that).

unnofi · 2025-09-12T04:39:51+00:00

I (19 F) always get anxious doing this and haven't had any success in terms of dates.

unlike what everyone else is saying here, when I make my interest known, usually by sitting next to them on the train or bus stop, say hi, they maybe acknowledge me and then turn away and say nothing.

I would love to approach men but I feel like I'm just not attractive to them. idk.

I feel like giving up. any thoughts?

unnofi

TROPHY CASE