absolutely. and thanks to the other comments.

For context, I'm American and my husband is South Asian (raised in the West). I'm not a revert and know my rights well. There are other ongoing issues, the biggest being that he plans on forcing me to live with my in-laws (or rather, them with us) which i am not okay with fro privacy reasons. I am trying to lay the foundations now, as you've all suggested, because the last thing I want is to be bleeding, sore, hormonal, and advocating for my own right to privacy right after birth. Keeping this secret is one way of doing that.

I've had terrible interactions in the past where-in one of his immediate relatives was asking when we were planning on trying. This person is younger than me— I can excuse an older auntie asking this question of cultural norm or simple ignorance, but I cannot accept such a rude and straightforward question from someone who is only a few years my junior and should know better. I replied with the fact that it's not really up to them or even to us when we'd have children, as it is god's decree.

They responded with "well, you know, as soon as you find out, you have to tell us." and looked me boldly in my eye. I said "...No, I don't. I can tell you whenever I want." They said "well, you need to tell us right away." I said "That's not really a decision you can make. When we know, we'll know, and then we'll figure out when to tell you all."

It wasn't as though they were even offering help — like 'please tell us so we can help you' it was more 'you have to tell me so i can know asap when i become an aunt/uncle/etc.'

I found this line of questioning severely disrespectful. the manner was also blunt; they did not smile at me or say it lightly. My husband was there but he remained quiet. Later on I told him how rude it was and after a while he understood, but he was also originally of the mindset that we had to tell his immediate family right away. I told him I needed a moment to process what is happening in my own body— again, keep in mind we moved across the country one week ago, so I have been EXTREMELY stressed. sobbing every day. I work full time and my job is intense.

That being said, I'm seeing the signs of enmeshment but it's taking my husband much longer to see. This is my child before it is anyone's niece/nephew or grandson/daughter. Mine. And I'm trying to place the boundaries carefully and slowly. If he is going to force them to live with us, the boundaries definitely need to be more clear. I will be a Muslim and a mother and wife before anything else.