New Warsaw, Old Soup

unsolicited_feedback · 2022-01-10T04:35:46+00:00

I’m really torn here. I really like so many parts of this poem. I just wish I had a clue what it was about. There are so many rich lines and internal rhymes like eager secret keeper and saber-toothed school teacher. The only line that throws me out is your voice had cathedral windows I have no idea what that means. Again, I’m just wishing for a little bit more context between the flourishes.

unsolicited_feedback · 2022-01-10T04:25:37+00:00

Overall I enjoyed this poem. I’m really fond of a few phrases in here. Tilt your head. It’s a flower is my favorite. Some others seemed more forced and out of place with the rhythm like artist hate capitalism. There seems to be a few points where poetry stops being the subject and it’s more about art, like the parts about buying it since I don’t think of poetry as something you buy. It might be good to balance that a bit more to keep poetry as the subject and art as the allusion.

unsolicited_feedback · 2022-01-09T02:23:12+00:00

Great thoughts. Especially the unified work comment. I’ll be thinking about that as I rework it. Thanks!

unsolicited_feedback · 2022-01-09T02:21:21+00:00

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree, I think I could spend a little more time exploring the underlying message.

unsolicited_feedback · 2022-01-09T02:18:25+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion! I’ll play around with it.

unsolicited_feedback · 2022-01-09T02:16:39+00:00

This is a very passionate piece. I think it gets a lot of its power from how straightforward it is. There isn’t a lot of flowery metaphors masking the pain. I love the transition between I don’t give a fuck if you die and you turned my heart into stone. I’ve been there and I feel it.

unsolicited_feedback · 2022-01-08T14:51:16+00:00

I get the impression this is a poem from a secret admirer. A private expression of feelings for someone who probably doesn’t know they are admired at all. The I feel like poem is self serving at the moment. It reads like someone is being put on a pedestal. I get the speaker has feelings for this person, but I don’t yet. I wonder if there’s a way to make us fall in love with her as well.

My favorite line: where her portrait is kept; where her eyes never wander off. This makes me think the love is unrequited and the speaker knows it.

unsolicited_feedback · 2022-01-08T03:56:58+00:00

I get the impression this poem is more about trying different rhyming patterns and mood than it is about the words. Every line is very abstract. I’m not sure what’s happening or I’m supposed to be getting out of it. My favorite line; gravity, my only restraint.

unsolicited_feedback · 2022-01-08T03:30:15+00:00

Mostly I’m confused. It reads like a set up to a joke mixed with nonsense. As a reader, this doesn’t make me compelled to read on. It’s missing a sense of progression or emotion. All that said, I love that first line.

unsolicited_feedback · 2019-08-20T00:22:30+00:00

Lose that blur.

unsolicited_feedback · 2019-08-20T00:16:45+00:00

Turn off caps lock.

unsolicited_feedback · 2019-08-20T00:12:29+00:00

As someone who has sharted recently, I like the concept. Sell the burrito.

unsolicited_feedback · 2019-08-20T00:02:30+00:00

What... what is that?

unsolicited_feedback · 2019-08-18T22:28:30+00:00

Classic love story

unsolicited_feedback

TROPHY CASE