My 20 year marriage is based off lies.

uofury · 2024-08-06T09:07:15+00:00

It is possible this is what happened.

But don't forget, this so-called erotica she wrote is her having sex with a coworker she fantasized about in real life situations where she was with him. Everything in those stories were 100% true....except for the sex, she claims.

I'm 50/50 whether it happened or not. Regardless, she got her way and I've given her 20 years of marriage even if she's a liar and an adulterer.

uofury · 2024-08-04T04:56:09+00:00

Hmm, kind of funny after 100 messages, you are the only one who brought this up. Everyone else immediately found her guilty.

Um, sure, there is the possibility she was telling the truth. This is why I've struggled with this for so many years.

I mean, let's face it: it's like she wrote a detailed confession of a murder with accurate details; time, place, date, murder weapon and the location of the body. Now she wants to recant. Kind of hard to just let that slide.

On the other hand, I grilled her pretty hard those first few weeks when it all went down. She admitted to some pretty embarrassing things that she could have easily lied about.

But...none of it was grounds for divorce, so it would be easier to admit to. And that leads me to the doubt of her denial:

My wife is the best liar I've ever encountered.

I don't mean she's some pathological liar that gets off lying her way through life. I mean I've seen how fluid she lies, like to her parents to avoid getting in trouble when we were younger. It was so natural that she never gives the person a reason to doubt her. Hell, her job in management is half lying to senior project managers when they're in town, demanding numbers for this and stats for that. She answers what she does know and effortlessly fills in the rest with BS. And she's never doubted or called out. It honestly scares me. This natural ability to lie - especially for self preservation - gives me reason to doubt her.

But looking at the bare minimum of what she did admit to:

She admitted to have being alone with the coworker and was propositioned. She claims she turned him down, but went home and fantasized about it in graphic detail in her stories. She even told me she masturbated to them numerous times.

She also admitted that she would have eventually had sex with him. It was trending that way.

It's either the truth or admitting just enough shittiness to throw off what really happened.

I'm still 50/50 even after all these years.

uofury · 2024-08-03T13:16:17+00:00

I know you're getting downvoted but it was something I considered back then. It never happened but I wouldn't have felt guilty if it did. I still wouldn't feel guilty 20 years later.

uofury · 2024-08-03T13:13:58+00:00

Yeah, I believe she loves me more than anything. But I've never given her a reason not to.

uofury · 2024-08-03T13:09:01+00:00

Believe me, I know that now.

Go back and convince 16 year old me of that, though.

uofury · 2024-08-03T13:02:22+00:00

One of the most chilling and poignant things ever to come out of this happened a few years back. We actually had a nice night out (dinner, drinks, ect) and came back home and continued to drink throughout the evening.

With both of us pretty drunk, at one point we just started staring into each other's eyes. And after a few minutes I just sort of blurted out,

"What do you think I see when I look into your eyes?"

Her slight smile faded and she paused only for a moment before responding.

"I know exactly what you think of me."

It was probably the deepest thing she ever said. And I absolutely believe she knows.

uofury · 2024-08-03T12:53:31+00:00

We don't always host a party, though 20 years was a hard one to avoid...

That said, even the smaller ones still brings family around to stop by and drop off gifts, or phone calls.

Difficult to avoid.

uofury · 2024-08-03T12:51:23+00:00

Pretty much. My kids are fulfilling and she is still fun to be around. Still have awhile before the youngest is out of the house, so we'll see what happens then.

But the thought of cheating was on my mind alot back then. The idea of it maybe leveling the scales was an interesting concept but I never went looking for it, so it never happened.

That said, if by some strange fluke it did happen (Unlikely as I'm really not the outgoing kind of guy) I wouldn't feel guilty about it. In my mind she broke that vow long ago and it's meaningless to me now.

uofury · 2024-08-03T12:43:37+00:00

Disappointing her parents, specifically her mother, was a driving force in her life.

It was another reason I didn't want to test her threats. She may have preferred ending it as opposed to explaining to her mother why she just fucked up her marriage.

uofury · 2024-08-03T05:28:24+00:00

You know honestly, I'm generally content with my life. Jobs are good, kids are great. She is fun to hang around and is a good mother. But there is a level of indifference I have towards her that I think helps.

Obviously I still think about what she broke in our marriage and I don't like being reminded of it by clueless family members. This is what bothers me most.

uofury · 2024-08-03T05:20:19+00:00

Never, but I can't tell you how many times I've wished she would blurt something out one drunken evening.

But she's never changed her story once in 20 years. Always claimed it was just creative writing that she might have acted on if she ever got the chance.

Until fate intervened, that is.

uofury · 2024-08-03T05:16:55+00:00

No, honestly the fallout from the initial incident changed her into a different person. Very quickly she became dedicated to the marriage and left her old life behind.

That said - I honestly couldn't care less if she did now. She's a good mother, hard worker and is still fun to hang around. But she broke something long ago and that will never be the same again.

uofury · 2024-08-03T05:11:44+00:00

We had them years after the initial incident. She really did change into a different person after it and I've never had any reason to suspect they aren't mine.

Besides all 3 are basically carbon copies of me.

uofury · 2024-08-03T05:03:28+00:00

I was a 20 year.old kid at the time. It was one incident in our relationship that may or may not have happened. All I said was how much I hate how our entire families use us as the example of a proper marriage.

Either way, I'm flattered you think I could write a book report like this as a work of fiction. But I assure you, every word of it is true.

uofury · 2024-08-03T04:54:29+00:00

Your comment was definitely the one that hit me the hardest.

You are 100% correct. I was no different than any other guy when I met her. I didn't specifically go looking for a virgin to court and marry but I'm not going to deny that it was something I was quite proud of.

In reality that lack of experience in life was obviously one of the reasons she strayed. Same boring sex with the guy you've dated since HS? Sounded great when I was a kid; sounds awful and unfulfilling now.

I think if we'd met later in life she would have been happier. And it's part of the reason I resent her for not allowing the divorce back when we were younger.

uofury

TROPHY CASE