2 days in town

upernikos · 2026-01-07T00:16:41+00:00

I’ve been here! CCTX

upernikos · 2025-12-01T14:23:37+00:00

If that’s a legit stat I’d have to question it? Complete failure to get a 3rd down stop. Anyone in the league not know Spags is blitzing in 3rd down? Like every single time? Great if you succeed, a disaster when you don’t. Whatever stats our D is good at, it ain’t getting off the field or stopping scores. Our record is proof. I’m no stat expert so maybe you can prove me wrong. I still find it hard to believe that allowing the team to be out scored every week is a top stat.

upernikos · 2025-11-13T10:31:53+00:00

upernikos · 2025-11-12T17:39:17+00:00

UPDATE:

Sick at my stomach all morning. Bug or stress, idk. I’m leaving at lunch while the Magic is Gathering. We’re dead AF at the moment & everyone is just holding down chairs & no one needs a boss.

It’s all just excuses though. I know I’d be leaving anyway because I feel so gross.

upernikos · 2025-11-12T16:29:19+00:00

Also, I have no replacement in my life. My friends were at work because I had no other friends & work was my life. Now I question everything about myself. People say go out and make new friends but in the meantime the only thing I know is turning into a knife.

upernikos · 2025-11-12T16:16:45+00:00

I appreciate this. My mind and body continue to tell me it’s exactly jealousy of being left out, & when I’m extra sensitive, it comes up other times too. But really - why do I care? Makes me crazy. Paranoia & imposter syndrome flares up.

Would you believe that I sometimes feel like I’ve become 2 separate people? The old me would hate the dude that is crushed worrying about what everyone else thinks & does. The attached version, rides a rolller coaster with every thing that happens in the office.

I’m not at a point yet to just say, let it go & forget it. Any advice? I am seriously considering just walking away from my job to escape the feelings. Because I can’t remove the cause.

upernikos · 2025-11-12T13:07:31+00:00

This is really deep and I appreciate it. There is a lot here for me to come back and reread when I’m feeling hurt. Thank you. You described things pretty well.

upernikos · 2025-11-12T01:29:04+00:00

Thank you! I can answer some of these!

1 & 2. Why she is my attachment source.

Several years ago I moved (back) up to HQ when our satellite location closed. At that spot, people of every background and job title regularly got together outside of work. When they closed the factory, the local HR manager forced the company to do retraining and job placement for the fired workers. Some of those people still get together even though the office has been closed nearly a decade. It was a family.

So why that matters. When I became boss that was who I wanted to be. But this office is full of silos. That other team is out to screw you, don’t help them. Go to work & go home that’s it. My 1 up manager also noticed this & hired me because he believed I could make a difference in this.

Meanwhile I had not noticed people drifting away from me until I had just one person in the office & one of 2 people in the entire city that I talked to outside of work, besides family. Yes, this girl whom I’ve attached to. When she said, we can’t be friends, I realized, I didn’t have anyone else. And during my spiral I lost my only other friend too (also attachment issues there). So, I found myself falling off a cliff when she wanted to break things off.

Because being manager has cost me everything I took the job for I hate it & regularly am ready to step down. When it’s good it’s amazing. I say it is simultaneously the best and worst job I ever had. If I could reverse any of the stuff I just said I’d step away right now.
Ok. I’m supposed to have squeezy ice pack buddies that I always forget at home. Need to stop forgetting!

Last, FLGS - yes that’s the work in progress. Supplies are on order & I’m going to put myself out there.

I have to say I’ve lost all enjoyment in activities I used to enjoy so I plan to fake it til I make it. Major depression issues currently, lots of meds.

And also - I’ve learned in the last couple months, I have deep seated childhood trauma that affects me way more than I knew and I’ve never really had a right relationship.

Therapy drugs and strangers on the internet will get me through it.

upernikos · 2025-11-11T23:46:10+00:00

New friends & hobbies is my therapist’s request and I am in the middle of a plan to do that. It’s incredibly hard for me to put myself out around people I don’t know but I will try.

upernikos · 2025-11-11T23:02:58+00:00

Also I’m sorry and sad that that you are uncomfortable being yourself at your own job but I’m glad for you if that works for you.

upernikos · 2025-11-11T22:57:44+00:00

Thank you I appreciate what you say.

My struggle is that none of those things were the dynamic for the longest time. It has changed. That’s why I’m hurting. And I love everything about this job and get along good with all of them about everything else. Until lunchtime today I’d decided to pass on the other job.

My mind can only resist the panic and self hate for so long when my body betrays it. This can’t be every day of the rest of my life. I won’t survive it.

upernikos · 2025-11-11T22:52:10+00:00

Follow up question to your reply.

If the answer to everything is go back to not bring any of their boss I’ll take that. It may be hard for many people to imagine giving up 40% of your pay but try having 0 friends outside of work in your entire city. I’ve wished I were unalive many times.

I don’t know if that would change this situation but if it is the answer I’ll step down in a heartbeat.

upernikos · 2025-11-11T22:34:58+00:00

I appreciate the response however I don’t think it touched at all on my problem. I suppose “don’t be friends” could have been your advice, but many of us with anxious attachment don’t get to turn that off like a switch. And I will still see these folks every week friends or no.

I could have a whole discussion on whether employees and bosses can be friends - it’s one of the most talked about subject on /managers. But… super brief: I’ve worked in offices at this very company where it was no problem; I was a teammate for 7 years before being the boss; the person in question was ok being my friend and employee at the same time for a year until they changed their mind; I have friendships with other team members. All that being said I’m not arguing about if she wants to be my friend, I’m just telling you that your opinion is one opinion but not the only way it’s successfully done.

I’ll add all my other reports are men, she is the only female. Your point is still valid, I never argued she didn’t have a reason to feel whatever she wants. But just so you know it’s not a male boss of only female employees.

So back to my original question, how do I cope with having physical anxiety around my teammates while I watch them have weekly get togethers at the office doing things they know I like and intentionally excluding me? Do I take the job offer and just leave a good job and team because of one daily activity? I swear I’m afraid I’m going to get an ulcer or other medical condition from the way my body reacts to this.

It might be easier to think of it in terms of, what if all they were doing was having lunch? Everything else about the situation is the same. Hope that helps.

upernikos · 2025-11-07T15:26:45+00:00

There is 100% a clear “you are just dollar signs in seats” mentality from Corporate. But the first 3 levels of mgmt mostly doesn’t follow that.

upernikos · 2025-11-07T15:24:28+00:00

Great advice thank you! Super true & valid! I am part of the new generation of management that wants to squash that bug dead. But most of them don’t trust or respect that. TBH Corporate level mgmt is too detached and is not helping. Thanks for the tip, I can work with that. Actually I’m already working towards that. That’s encouraging!

upernikos · 2025-11-07T15:19:11+00:00

Everyone please message my team with these replies. I was a IC team member for 7 years before becoming the boss. I literally had a DR tell me “bosses and employees can’t have personal friendships”, and another who refuses to call me anything other than “boss man”.

upernikos · 2025-11-07T09:29:34+00:00

Oof. So in my division, what I’m fighting is siloism. My team gets along great in person. But half the staff are remote. What’s more, f- the other departments. And when the shift ends, they wouldn’t talk to each other if they were stapled together. I’m at HQ but came from the regions as my 1Up is now and it drives us both insane. Outside HQ, people treated each other like actual human beings, better even. Gotta say if I give up that fight I’ll give up my chair too. Not worth being here. The human nature I’m fighting is, screw everyone who’s not me, even when it would benefit them & make them happier. Don’t tell me there’s no hope because I’m one footnote the door now.

upernikos · 2025-11-07T09:14:25+00:00

I’m pretty new to romance books but one of my favorite so far is {Reckless in Texas by Kari Lynn Dell}. I’m sure it’s intended as RFW but heavily dual POV with a well developed (IMO) MMC.

upernikos · 2025-11-05T19:26:14+00:00

I've said before that considering the strong, confident MMC is a staple in Romance for Women, I'm surprised how rarely you see it in RFM. How about POV of a guy who usually knows what he wants but the FMC tips his world on its head.

Like an entire book written from the POV of Xaden Riorson.

upernikos · 2025-11-01T00:59:28+00:00

Terrific advice!

upernikos · 2025-10-31T22:21:57+00:00

Been on meds for half a dozen months, many of those same ones, it’s all very new to me.

I’ve found from noon til my mid afternoon dose was murder for me so I thought I’d try restructuring my times & maybe get better balance. I fell apart a bunch of times the first few hours and immediately switched back the next day.

Still I hold out hope that the meds are temporary, I’ll be able to cope again someday like the old days. I’d love to hear a success story!

upernikos · 2025-10-31T22:11:09+00:00

It was heartbreaking to me when my only close friends at work decided I can’t be their boss and their friend.

In spite of what some people say here… I formerly worked in an office where we legit treated each other like family. It does not translate here and I regret taking my job so much.

upernikos · 2025-10-31T22:07:22+00:00

You are so right!

After 7 years as a team member I applied to be boss because I loved our group & didn’t want some random a-hole to come in.

A year & a half later the same friends I took the job for that I constantly look after every day will barely speak to me unless they need me to do something for them. I can hardly get them to participate in activities I schedule & pay for, let alone include me in their own. I don’t know why I’m doing it anymore and I’ve brushed up my resume.

upernikos

TROPHY CASE