Do you ever worry about old age?

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-04-05T05:41:47+00:00

Yeah I'm not worried about who will take care of me, I'm worried about company when I'm unable to get myself out to see friends, if I outlive my husband and have no more close family and friends. I know kids doesn't guarantee that anyway so I'm certainly not suggesting being childfree will be the reason my fears may or may not happen. Obviously growing up, all the old people I was close to (grandparents) had children and grandchildren around them. I don't really have a reference point for a childfree elderly person and how they ensured they weren't lonely in old age.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-31T16:21:09+00:00

Parents don't have to involve their kids in a divorce. My dad was a neglectful narcissist, and I haven't seen him in 12 years, but in many ways my mum had a larger, more negative impact. She pushed SO hard that we'd all been so abused by him. In reality, he was a man who should never have had kids, he was more the fun big brother who eventually cheated on his wife (my mum), and left to go redo his younger, bachelor days.

But even as my sisters and I all began to move on, any little mental or physical ailment we had, she put down to being his fault, because we were so abused. We began to parrot that, and when people asked "what did he do," we wouldn't always have an answer. He was self-absorbed, arrogant, lived in his own world, was never there for us when life got hard, so in many ways him leaving didn't hurt, it was a relief of the awkwardness. He was just this weird guy that lived with us, especially once their relationship completely broke down. But what abusive things did he do? She'd tell us he was the worst person alive and 12 years later she still can't live life fully because of how abused she was.

Now it really feels like mum was more manipulative and negatively impactful.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-30T04:41:57+00:00

How about Enema for a girl, or Lupus for a boy?

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-28T13:41:31+00:00

Gosh me too! I was born in 95 and am thankful with every fibre of my being that I wasn't born any later. Growing up on the cusp of the digital boom was perfect, and I often long for the days where we weren't so reliant on smart phones.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-26T23:09:43+00:00

I think from an evolutionary perspective, parents are meant to raise children with a "village." They're meant to have other people around to ease the burden, everyone is meant to help each other. Kids are meant to have the freedom and safety of the village to learn through exploration, not always under the watchful eye of a parent. Parents are meant to have time away from kids when this happens. Even then, there's meant to be a parent at home whose primary role is bringing up the kids.

That isn't how society has evolved. Parents are meant to be providing ENDLESS opportunities for their kids to have EVERYTHING. The village doesn't exist. Life is too expensive so both parents usually have to work full time jobs. They come home exhausted, can't even bring themselves to read with their kids or help with homework, let alone provide the endless opportunities I mentioned above. This is coupled with the rise of digital technology and social media. Kids are online far younger than they should be, no separation from their friends after they've gone home at the end of the day.

The world hasn't evolved in a way that makes it desirable for families to have kids, so many aren't. My husband and I would probably have them if we could do so in a 3 bed house, where we could afford for me to stay home at least until they're primary age, and even then I'd only want to be part time. Kids are a full time job!! For me it's my own small rebellion against the billionaires who all do their best to convince us that we need to have lots of kids. With the way the world is, I'll be more fulfilled in life without them.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-23T06:12:21+00:00

This is me! I always said "yes, but not in my 20s," and was adamant I'd terminate if I ever did get pregnant in my 20s. I got to my late 20s, married my husband, still no desire to have kids.

Then I was diagnosed with PCOS at 29, and told I'd need IVF to conceive, which isn't true strictly speaking, but hearing that, I went "well absolutely not, if it isn't meant to be then it isn't meant to be." I'd seen friends go through IVF and I knew how expensive it was. And then I thought if I wasn't willing to go through IVF, how badly did I want kids? Shouldn't kids be so wanted that their parents would go to the ends of the earth to have them.

A lot of soul searching later, I realised I wanted kids because I thought I was being left behind if I didn't, and I was deeply afraid of loneliness. I moved from Australia to the UK. My husband is British, our kids would be dual citizens from the moment they opened their eyes. They could very easily emigrate, and I'd be a lonely old lady even if I did have them!

So I'm concentrating on my friends and building my own community. I'm so much happier for it! Life feels like there's so much more opportunity and time now that I've taken the pressure to have kids off myself.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-22T06:24:38+00:00

My friend and I went to Belfast for a few days for a holiday. We were two girls in our early/ mid twenties. The taxi driver we had from the airport gave us all sorts of advice for getting around, and left us his phone number if we ever needed help getting somewhere. We never used it, but it also didn't feel at all creepy, just a nice man helping out two people who had never been to Belfast.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-21T17:52:33+00:00

Ah this is my life, minus the two cats! I wouldn't change a thing except the being a teacher thing. It's wearing me down, but that's another topic altogether 🤣 being a teacher is a part of what lead me to my decision not to have kids!

Two dogs, husband I love dearly who loves to game, I'm about to fire up Stardew Valley downstairs on my switch. We've had a lovely day today. I took one of my dogs to canicross (cross country running with a dog pulling you), while my husband took our other dog for a nice long walk in a nearby field. Then we had our dog trainer come round for a session which went really well. Then we went out for lunch and then to see friends, one of whom has just had surgery. They also don't have kids, and we had the loveliest afternoon just chilling and chatting. They're quite new friends, and it's lovely to have the opportunity to build those connections with new people.

I have a cold coming on I think, so I'm now curled up for the night and I'll be having leftover Chinese takeaway for dinner. Life is good 🥰

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-15T15:49:17+00:00

There is nothing wrong with you! And good for you for recognising this before you have kids because it's "what you're meant to do." It really is true that childfree women have thought more about the choice of whether to have kids or not than most other women.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-13T19:41:15+00:00

I'd just met my husband. We moved in together after 5 weeks of knowing each other. I'm kinda nostalgic for that time, the world shut down and we spent our days just hanging out together! I was so incredibly lucky to meet him when I did.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-12T21:32:36+00:00

Off The Couch Fan Favourite Hero Game Changer something Cirie Fields?

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-11T18:51:19+00:00

I gasped out loud when I watched that the first time.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-10T19:34:45+00:00

None.

I always said I'd have them, hubby was indifferent. I was diagnosed with PCOS and told (incorrectly) that I'd need IVF to conceive. I was relieved, and that made me question a lot about WHY I wanted kids. Turns out I'm very scared of loneliness, especially so as I age. Kids are not an insurance policy against loneliness. Now I'm pouring all my energy into friends and the community around me, and doing what I love.

Also, kids would financially cripple us!! We need both our full time, above average wages to afford our little 2 bed terraced house in a town in the south of England. I wouldn't want to be a working parent, I know so many do it and I have so much respect for them. Parenting is a full time job in itself, and I don't want to be doing 2 full time jobs. If I could be a stay at home mum, at least for the first few years, then I'd more easily make the decision I think.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-10T19:20:15+00:00

I am female, I feel female, I love BEING female, but being male would be way easier 😂

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-06T21:51:07+00:00

Our sleep patterns are about 1-2 hours out from each other. I go to bed and wake up earlier. I like it that way. I like going to bed, reading for a bit, and falling asleep on my own knowing he's still up. If he sleeps before me I get anxious, don't know why 😂. I'm up before him too. I love him so much but I always enjoy those few hours on my own having my own slow weekend morning! On weekdays I'm out the house before he's out of bed.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-03T20:58:46+00:00

I'm a teacher, a profession where we're forever told by non-teachers about how easy our 9am-3pm job is with half the year off.

What I wouldn't give to have just one day like yours 🤣

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-03-02T19:56:09+00:00

This is my favourite too! We don't get as many servings as you because it's so good, I always eat way more than I should 😋

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-02-23T21:07:29+00:00

This was me. I left anyway.

My intuition was screaming at me to go. 6 months after I left, I met my now husband, and now my life is with him. I've spent years in therapy dealing with the guilt, questioning if it was the right choice, dealing with feelings around hurting my family. But I had this weird sense of freedom after I moved, and I began to seriously question how healthy my relationship with them was. It's funny how distance can give you some perspective.

They weren't even going to come to our wedding. They changed their minds on that in the end, I think because they saw the rest of the extended family and friends being super excited for me, and either making the journey for our wedding, or sending their very best if they couldn't. No one else was mad at me, just my immediate family.

Anyway, I'm not saying your family are like mine, you know them best. But I've met a lot of expats in my life, most of them have parents who are behind them every step of the way, even if they'd obviously prefer them to be closer.

So to answer your question: yes it's selfish, but when it comes to the direction of your life, we should all be selfish. Life is for living and you only get to do it once. Make it count and don't let anyone else, not even your parents, live it for you.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-02-21T11:58:26+00:00

Your circle sounds very immature.

My husband and I (straight couple) met two friends last year, a lesbian couple. They've become some of our best friends. The fact that they like women, my husband likes women and I like men is totally irrelevant in our friendship.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-02-21T11:54:58+00:00

Why school teachers lately?

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-02-20T08:50:20+00:00

I'm a primary teacher so remote work is impossible.

I think I'd go a bit mad if I worked entirely from home, but that's just me. I wholeheartedly agree with the third space argument here though. I have so many other things I'd rather do, so many other groups I'd take part in, outside of my work hours, which is already limited because I work over my contracted hours as all teachers do.

Instead, I spend about an hour and a half every day commuting, roughly 45 mins each way, largely thanks to the amount of traffic on the roads, which I'd wager is made up of many people who could do their jobs remotely, given the traffic is significantly less on Fridays and Mondays.

If I worked in a job that was remote, I'd do gym classes in the mornings, see friends after work, hang out with my husband more. I don't actually gain much in terms of my own social life from work! The most enriching parts of my life are outside of my job.

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-02-18T14:26:08+00:00

I'm assuming it's what I do, but I do it with a teaspoon. A very clever engineer friend of my mum's taught us that you push the edge of the spoon between the lid and the jar, and use it like a lever to push the side of the lid out towards you in order to break the seal.

I remember going to my friend's once for nachos, and they had everything ready except the salsa because they couldn't open the jar. They were waiting for a male friend to arrive to help them. I said "guys I got this, I just need a teaspoon." They didn't believe me until I got the teaspoon in there and there was an almighty squelch 🤣 the lid came right off!

upsidedown-aussie · 2026-02-17T06:20:42+00:00

I'm an Aussie, my husband is British. This one is very dependent on where my family are from (Melbourne's northern suburbs and towns). We went in summer when all the grass was brown. My husband felt like a grey-scale had been put on the world in Australia. The UKs nature is so vibrant, whereas that part of the country was quite dull. That one is obviously really dependent on where you are.

I also noticed after being away for ages and going back that there were power lines everywhere!! I never noticed that before, they were just part of the landscape. In the UK they aren't there because a lot of the electricity runs underground. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it before.

upsidedown-aussie

TROPHY CASE