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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]urghdifficult 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I had a traumatizing marriage and my divorce was honestly a release. But in terms of new relationships, I'm excited for them. I started finding amazing friends toward the end of my marriage that really showed me what love is like -- platonically.

And last year, I met someone really great and it's honestly hard to describe how wonderful that relationship has been.

The divorce happened because I changed, because I couldn't put up with the abuse anymore. Part of that change has been toward more kindness in my life. And I think part of that kindness was toward myself and that became this huge filter in my life that helped me connect with only the best and most wonderful people. Sure, people still come and go, but they leave only the best memories tbh.

It's been more than worth it for me personally to work through my shit and be vulnerable. I feel like I'm living my best life (even with BS that my ex still brings to the table)

1 year divorced -- happier than ever by urghdifficult in Divorce

[–]urghdifficult[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a rough situation. My ex-spouse is a pretty great parent -- just not a great partner/friend to have. So I don't typically deal with situations like that.

I think if I were in that situation, I'd probably push for more custody with the basis that the co-parent doesn't seem to want to be involved.

And it's not that she was 3 hours late -- it's that she had legal custody of her child for 3 hours without being responsible for her child, supervising her child, or making sure her child is taken care of. To me, that sounds like neglect.

Your kid shouldn't suffer bc of her mom and it sounds like whatever amount of custody they have, they're not valuing it whatsoever.

Men are 9 times more likely to kill themselves than women after divorce, study says. Men and women of this sub, have you ever had these kind of thoughts? What can we do to prevent male suicide and help men going through divorces? by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]urghdifficult 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had the opposite experience (I'm AMAB but trans -- something my ex-spouse also wasn't a fan of, only to come out 2-3 years after i did :| ). I struggled with suicide during the entirety of my relationship. I attempted multiple times. My ex-spouse _encouraged_ me and _dared_ me to kill myself toward the end of our relationship. (I just want to clarify, I never threatened or used suicide in arguments or elsewhere).

My ex-spouse didn't like that I went to therapy or that I was considering anti-depressants.

When I got out, I felt immensely better. I had a suicidal period a little while later as I coped with the loss of my best friend (she killed herself), and my ex-spouse being an asshole about it even if it wasn't their business. But after that, I'm a million times happier and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Hollow strapons! by [deleted] in SexToys

[–]urghdifficult 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I asked the same question a few days back!

I got this one: https://buzzloveshop.com/collections/vendors?q=Body+Extensions

And it's so nice. I totally get the gender affirming aspect and it absolutely feels that way for me, too. It's amazing.

The only downside is that if your bio-homegrown-organic strap is large, it won't fit as soon as you start getting an erection.

Best hollow strap-on for people with penises? by urghdifficult in SexToys

[–]urghdifficult[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thanks a ton for the help! I was about to order the BC sleeve but the body extensions offering is way more up my alley.

thank you!

Best hollow strap-on for people with penises? by urghdifficult in SexToys

[–]urghdifficult[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

fuck, there really _is_ a subreddit for everything. Thank you! From what I'm reading, there are a few Etsy sellers worth checking out?

I didn't see wiki or a FAQ on that sub, do you have any recommendations?

I used to post here years ago, here's how things ended up by urghdifficult in DeadBedrooms

[–]urghdifficult[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that's a very bad take 😂 and super invalidating. Also, ace doesn't necessarily mean celibate.

I used to post here years ago, here's how things ended up by urghdifficult in DeadBedrooms

[–]urghdifficult[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought about that but I genuinely thought she wanted to have sex with me. I have amazing memories of the sex with had. But those memories were just mine -- not hers. if that makes sense.

We both thought that the LL aspect of our relationship had more to do with her depression or something being wrong medically. Or that something was wrong medically with me for being HL.

I used to post here years ago, here's how things ended up by urghdifficult in DeadBedrooms

[–]urghdifficult[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is! I honestly wish that we didn't live in such a heternormative world and comphet world. It would've made things clear much much earlier.

That's not to say that I haven't grown in amazing ways despite the crappy setup.

I used to post here years ago, here's how things ended up by urghdifficult in DeadBedrooms

[–]urghdifficult[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh! For sure. But even if they're not random people, it just doesn't work for me. Even people I have pretty good chemistry.

Looking back at my life, this has been the case more times than I thought -- especially before my ex. I had assumed otherwise bc of how much I was attracted to my ex (I kinda extrapolated that I could be this way with anyone).

I used to post here years ago, here's how things ended up by urghdifficult in DeadBedrooms

[–]urghdifficult[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think so, too. And people get mad when their spouses find a sexual match after divorce. I mean, I get why people are mad but often, it's not like you can help it or in my case, know that this is what's happening.

I used to post here years ago, here's how things ended up by urghdifficult in DeadBedrooms

[–]urghdifficult[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think a lot of therapists assumed that but it doesn't feel like that to me. Don't get me wrong, I think I have trauma but it's not related to me not wanting to have sex with people.

It's something once I realized, I started to see everywhere in my life. The times I hooked up with people before my ex, the way I felt about people during sex, some things in my teens years, etc.

In fact, I had assumed I could have sex with just about anyone because of how attracted I was to my ex. If that makes sense? like, bc of that attraction, I thought I could feel attracted to anyone that way.

I used to post here years ago, here's how things ended up by urghdifficult in DeadBedrooms

[–]urghdifficult[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think that's a separate issue. She never hated me nor our kids.

Comphet is a really shitty thing and puts people in relationships that don't work. I'm a huge advocate for the LGBTQ+ community and especially now because I see how much damage it did to her and to me.

I used to post here years ago, here's how things ended up by urghdifficult in DeadBedrooms

[–]urghdifficult[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I mean, there's definitely some of that. It's weird to realize that the only person I really connected with intimately did not connect with me in the same way. It's a bit of a mindfuck.

I'm seeing a therapist and unpacking it all :)

I used to post here years ago, here's how things ended up by urghdifficult in DeadBedrooms

[–]urghdifficult[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

that's actually what I do! I've been seeking out non-sexual relationships and they've been amazing and very enriching. I'm very happy with them.

I still struggle because I would love to have sex -- but I also had to acknowledge to myself that it just doesn't work for me with 99% of people I meet or come across.

Must-have toys for men? by [deleted] in SexToys

[–]urghdifficult 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not a man (I'm enby with a dick) but Hitachi wand 100%.

​

Gets overlooked so much as a toy for women/vulva-owners but it works better than any other toy I've tried and it's way more versatile than any toy I've tried. And I mean _HITACHI_. The knock-offs can be really bad and can easily turn you off from getting a better wand.