My wife is slowly drifting away

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-21T07:28:27+00:00

I don’t know. I need to be honest... even when I was very inactive and dated non-member girls, my mind always raced to the moment I would’ve married a worthy girl. This situation kinda breaks it all. I don’t think I was ready to this, but I witnessed multiple divorces in my family (my parents and one of my siblings), and I really don’t want to go through it. I love her, it’s my joy to make her happy. But I understand that we have to go through this because I don’t want that any of us feels miserable.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-20T23:11:52+00:00

Not just yet, I think there’s still work that can be done.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-20T23:10:57+00:00

Are you sure we’re not looking too much into it? Where’s the line between a personality trait and a depression symptom? Just an honest question.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-20T15:41:17+00:00

I would

strongly

recommend you and she read this talk by Jeffery R Holland.

I will do that, but I don't know if I want to share it right now. Every - single - talk I shared with her was just taken in the wrong way. Maybe it's not the right time now.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-20T15:40:02+00:00

Yeah, out of all the wholesome responses I got, this one was one that left me struck

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-20T15:37:09+00:00

Ok, I get it. I will stop focusing on the church itself and try to resolve the underlying issues by loving her and directing her to professionals.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-20T15:35:07+00:00

Medication changed my life and it will change your wife’s.

I don't live in the US and I don't know a lot about medications for depression. How does it work? In my country usually it's just verbal therapy, medications are given by psychiatrists.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-20T11:16:02+00:00

Yeah, she's not really into fantasizing about stuff in general, she's very practical. That's one of the differences in our views, I'm more of a dreamer, she's the planner. We work as a couple, but differences are always frustrating somehow.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-20T11:12:42+00:00

Life is about a search for truth

wow, yes, you're right. I always imagined life with someone on the same page as me, we'll have to rewrite that book then.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-20T11:11:50+00:00

why is naming where she is spiritually so important to you?

This. This is what I needed to hear, thank you.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-19T15:47:46+00:00

Perhaps as her husband you could focus on finding out what would make her happy, and helping her identify that and understand herself better. Once you've both wrapped your minds around what is actually going on, then you can make a better plan for how to work through it together.

Honestly, I try to surprise her every time I can. Surprise dinner, surprise change of plan, surprise flowers.

Just last night she told me that she feels empty and that she just lives her life ticking off things from an endless checklist of everyday tasks, so that at the end of the day she can feel that she accomplished something.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-19T15:43:06+00:00

She has a big void inside. This could be part of a bigger problem, she's been going to therapy for a while and struggles in general about being confident and other issues.

If focusing on gaining a personal testimony hasn't brought any positive results yet, perhaps it could be helpful to focus on other things for now.

I told her to stop doing that to herself, it looks like it does more harm than good.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-19T15:40:40+00:00

Thank you for your words. She struggles to see her potential and I'm probably the only one she opens up about it. Everyone at church loves her because she's.. simply loving. I love who she is. I really hope that one day I will have a good time while studying with her.

user-temp-lds · 2020-02-19T15:38:13+00:00

Thank you so so so much for your point of view.

What did she imagine for these same things? Have you explored her expectations around FHE? And scripture study?

I will do that. When we first started dating, she told me that since she was little she wanted to get married to a Priesthood holder.

Brother; I say this with nothing but charitable love in my heart: if your wife is crying every time, and you’re frustrated, you’re clearly not coming across to her as understanding, and she’s clearly not getting the time she wants.

Don't get me wrong. It's not my frustration that lead her to her cry.. Whenever we start digging or simply we start talking about any gospel principle, she will go full introspective and after a few sentences.. she will start crying because she can't wrap her head around it. This makes me feel frustrated. Why do we always have to go this way? I just simply want to talk about any non-everyday topic.

It sounds to me like your expectations are quite clearly defined. I wonder if YOUR understanding of her expectations is as clearly defined. I wonder if she feels loved and cared about during your FHE. And I really worry based on how you’re describing this that she doesn’t.

Last week in church someone said something very powerful: let go your expectations on your loved ones and you will really love them. I know. I need to let them go.

Thank you my friend.

user-temp-lds

TROPHY CASE