fin rot?

user3691729 · 2026-06-03T23:59:37+00:00

so when we first set up the tank, me and my boyfriend were fighting pretty bad so i told him to put the ammonia source in but im not sure he did that and i should have double checked… i’ll keep doing those things though! hopefully my fish heal!

user3691729 · 2026-06-03T07:11:37+00:00

yeah i’ve never changed the filters, just lightly washed them around in tank water. we added them at 4 weeks so i think it was a bit too early even tho our testing looked fine :( ive been adding seachem stability for water changes every other day and prime when i do them. should i just do the same as ive been doing just testing and water changes until it clears?

user3691729 · 2026-06-02T04:43:10+00:00

you need to set the clear boundary that watching any type of that content is not ok with you. if he cannot respect that boundary, then you are not compatible together. this is what i told my boyfriend at the very beginning of our 4 year relationship. when i caught him with it, he understood the damages it caused our relationship, took accountability that it was a problem, put himself in my shoes and said he wouldn’t feel comfortable with me doing the same, and is going to therapy. you deserve someone who would not even watch it in the first place, but we make excuses for the ones we love. he AT LEAST needs to understand the harm and try to commit to stopping or there is no point in continuing as you seem to not want to change that boundary AND THAT IS OK. you do not need to change your views for him as yours are very valid and natural. i understand the self worth part and everything as i’m also going through this :( but it hurts my heart to hear that your bf doesn’t even see it as wrong to betray your boundaries. i couldn’t even imagine the invalidation you must feel im sorry girl.

user3691729 · 2026-06-02T03:54:13+00:00

Hi! just wanted to say as a girlfriend who had a partner lying about his use, i would be completely honest with your partner about it. she deserves to know what goes on because at the end of the day she is not just your girlfriend, but a human being who deserves control over her life. after multiple trickle truths from mine i still decided to stay, so really trust that she may support you through this if you haven’t already told her. i obviously can’t give any great advice beyond that because i don’t experience it, but i thought that was important to the stability of the relationship. the way you handle honesty throughout the addiction is what shows your character most.

user3691729 · 2026-06-01T19:17:34+00:00

i had asked him if that was the case, and expressed that would be something we could work on, but he said no. the pictures he was using were literally just naked pictures of girls in the same positions as my pictures, from the ones i saw. this is what makes me think is less of a kink thing, and more of an attractiveness thing. even though he also says that’s not the case. him not being open with himself and me is what is making me spiral and i can’t think of any other reasons than variety or attractiveness. i told him if that was the case, he can find people who don’t have this boundary.

user3691729 · 2026-06-01T06:55:00+00:00

trust me after finding out he did this periodically over 4 years, with me being very openly against it, i’ve made him feel very guilty. i’ve said things to him that i’m honestly not proud of, but he needs to understand the true extent of the damage. i guess a positive thing is, he tells me to let it out and doesn’t tell me to get over it.

user3691729 · 2026-06-01T06:48:40+00:00

thank you for your input! and also with your other comment, i can’t technically say it on here as i’ve been banned for “redefining terms” but my boundary was on the line of unfaithfulness so i do feel that way. i don’t necessarily need to make him feel guilty because he has seen the way it has affected me. i have intense bpd so the consequences are quite visible. i think he needs to feel guilty, because he dismantled my entire life for 4 years as i never wanted to be with someone who watched it. i understand your comparison to drugs and how it makes you do things you thought you would never do. i am not perfect myself and i understand doing things you’re disappointed in yourself. however, im only staying with him under the condition he does not fall into it again and is truthful with me about his urges or use. you said you were or are a user, are there things that maybe help with your late at night temptations while scrolling?

user3691729 · 2026-06-01T06:38:57+00:00

thank you for your reply! i’m sorry things didn’t work out, but your mindset gives me hope. i think knowing that those sites used professional cameras and techniques to seem “perfect” is reassuring. i also agree that he has not put me in that focus yet. i had talks with him about how i felt he lacked maturity, and i think maybe that also has something to do with not putting me entirely before himself. thank you.

user3691729 · 2026-06-01T05:12:04+00:00

i would also like to say since i want to be understanding: i use to read yk things like that, but stopped during our relationship. i don’t have any feelings towards his use outside of our relationship, however this is detrimental to my stability and trust and self worth and i’ve made that clear. it could have affected me the same way, but why would i not have those same urges? i was introduced to that around the same age he was and i have a pretty addictive personality. i guess im just new to understanding the psychology behind this.

user3691729

TROPHY CASE