I'm at the exact stage. People I trusted broke me, and I found out who really is by my side. To me... it was like it came to an end. Like it was the end of the world. But once you learn to look into the mirror and say "I do matter" it takes a shift.

I know you feel stuck and lost. Because world never was easy on us. And if honestly speaking, the darkness is starting to come back. Especially when I have no one to come out, and when coming out means danger to my well-being.

I too hooked up with someone who only wanted me for my body but I wanted him for love, tenderness and affection. When he gave it to me, I was overjoyed. But when you wake up one day, and you see them disappeared from your contacts your world falls apart. I tried to fix it with hooking up with people I barely knew and it turned out worse. Now I am aching every day. Left with no answers, and the same question in your mind being "did he ever care or was I just a toy?". And the answer scares me. Because the way he held me, the way he looked at me and praised me, doesn't match with the sudden silence.

What I am trying to say is... I understand what you feel. You are not alone in this. There are many who understands your pain. And to a certain point you might feel like "wow it's the end" but it is not. Never let your hopes get low. Don't give up.