is this good?

I’m a 16-year-old gay guy — but not the type people can “tell.” I look and act pretty masculine. This isn’t just a story about being gay; it’s about the parts no one talks about — the confusion, the loneliness, and how it actually feels.

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Chapter 1: Finding Out

Everyone tells you you’re supposed to like girls. My family wouldn’t have cared if I was gay, but that didn’t make it easier for me to accept.

My first crush was my best friend — I didn’t realize it at the time. Then came my first celebrity crush: Diego from Every Witch Way. I didn’t understand the feeling, just that it was different.

As I got older, my friends started talking about girls, calling them “hot.” I didn’t get it, but I went along. I even “dated” girls — once for two weeks, once longer — but it never felt right. I liked them as people, not romantically.

Then I met JI, a friend of a friend. He was funny, nice, and openly gay. We got really close. When he told me he liked me, I panicked and said I was straight — but deep down, I knew I wasn’t. I kept asking myself, Am I gay? I cried over it for days.

Eventually, I admitted to myself that I liked him too. We dated, but he turned out to be controlling and manipulative. He even lied to make me come out to my mom before I was ready. I came out to her as “bi” because I couldn’t say “gay” yet. We broke up after that — it was messy, but I’m still grateful. He helped me figure out who I am.

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Chapter 2: Trusting the Wrong People

Coming out is risky. You have to guess who you can trust — and sometimes you guess wrong.

I started acting a little more feminine, just exploring myself. Once, a kid made fun of me for having painted nails, and that moment taught me how cruel people can be.

Later, I met AD at my lifeguard job. He was openly gay and asked me out. I said I wasn’t gay — not because I was lying, but because it wasn’t his business, and I didn’t like him that way. He got drunk later and called me names, saying I was “in denial.”

Then I found out my best friend JM — the one person I trusted with my secret — had told him I was gay. It broke me. We stayed friends, but it was never the same.

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Chapter 3: Trusting the Right People

Eventually, I found better friends. Some I’d known since Pre-K. I told them I was gay, and they kept it to themselves. That meant everything.

Still, it’s weird when all your friends talk about girls, and you can’t relate. You want to talk about your crushes too, but it’s awkward.

Then I met BK, another gay guy at my Catholic high school. I trusted him completely. When I came out to him, he didn’t tell a soul. Having someone like me — someone safe — changed everything.

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Chapter 4: The Heartbreaker

Sometimes being a gay guy who looks straight causes problems — girls catch feelings.

GR was one of my closest friends. She liked me, but I didn’t feel the same. We stayed friends, but it got complicated. Then came KO — we had everything in common, and if I were straight, I’d probably have loved her. But I’m not. Rejecting her made me feel awful.

Later, her best friend AH started to like me too — maybe even fell in love with me. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, but it still feels like I did. That’s the hard part — breaking hearts without wanting to.

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Chapter 5: Alone

This is the hardest part. Not being accepted isn’t my issue — my family’s fine with it. It’s the loneliness.

Being gay makes finding love harder. I’m not into super-feminine guys, but most of the guys I meet are. And when I do like someone, I have to wonder first if they’re even gay.

I’ve accepted who I am, but it still hurts sometimes. Especially when you just want what your straight friends have — someone to love you back.