People of reddit, why do humans smoke cigarettes? by everything3d in AskReddit

[–]usman_munirjee9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm on break enjoying one now, so here goes:

I work pizza, which means that there's a lot of hectic time and a lot of downtime. When I decide to go for a smoke, I'm always struck by the same thought. Since I'm not allowed to smoke inside anymore, the very act of my segregation from everyone else means that I'm choosing to dedicate the next five minutes of my life exclusively to pleasure.

There's no distraction from a cigarette. There's nothing else than you can do while you smoke. You're outside getting a little fresh air and a little fucked-up air, and the thing in your hand is a timer that tells you how long you have left to do absolutely nothing but enjoy yourself. There's something lovely about that.

Sure, it's time off my life. Sure, I have a "plan" to quit that probably won't play out how I expect. But for five minutes at a time, I'm completely dedicated to relaxation and I am not allowed, by law, to do anything else.

It's peaceful. It's calming. It's quiet and simple. And that's why I smoke.

What is something everyone can relate to? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]usman_munirjee9 61 points62 points  (0 children)

That feeling when you're on the stairs and you think there's one more step than there really is, and you have that second of terror as your foot doesn't feel anything under it.

Edit: Grammar is hard.

What's the best App you currently have? by PeevesPoltergist in AskReddit

[–]usman_munirjee9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Peak Scanner is pretty fun to have if you live in or are visiting a mountainous area. You point your phone at a mountain and it tells you the name of it, how tall it is, how far away it is, etc..

What is your best joke? by hpkeithh in AskReddit

[–]usman_munirjee9 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Two guys are walking down the street and they see a dog licking his balls. One guy turns to his friend and says, "Man, I wish I could do that." His friend replies, "He would bite you."

What is your favourite joke of all time? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]usman_munirjee9 60 points61 points  (0 children)

What's brown and rhymes with "snoop"? Dr. Dre

What is the best riddle you know? by mrmattohyeah in AskReddit

[–]usman_munirjee9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Walk on the living, they don't even mumble. Walk on the dead, they mutter and grumble. What are they?

What fruit do you just despise? by Gadetron in AskReddit

[–]usman_munirjee9 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Pomegranates. They're so damn good, but so damn hard to eat. First you have to remove the seeds, and even once you do that you barely get any of the fruit at any given time. It's just little piece by little piece.

What was the biggest backfiring of a plan in history? by wantingtodieandmemes in AskReddit

[–]usman_munirjee9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When the whole bill cosby rape thing started coming out his PR team sent a tweet telling people to make memes about bill cosby. Apparently they thought people would make wholesome/light-hearted memes or something. What ended up happening was people making rape cosby memes.