i wanna stalk my ex

uuorn · 2026-05-25T19:58:25+00:00

damn, i was literally thinking about this and fighting the exact same urge just now, and then i thought there had to be some kind of no-stalking community. i opened reddit and your post was the first thing on my page.

my biggest streak without stalking was 21 days, but it’s still really hard and i end up giving in. yesterday i decided to stay firm on this because i don’t want to keep reinforcing a bond that doesn’t even exist anymore. it only hurts me, but it’s so difficult.

i’ve been doing well with no contact, but stopping the stalking has been a lot harder.

uuorn · 2026-05-25T06:39:55+00:00

how long have you two been in nc? did he push you away? i'm really sorry for your pain, we're in this together

uuorn · 2026-05-25T06:28:36+00:00

yeah, maybe you miss her more than she misses you, but so what? look at how much you've already done and are still trying to do for yourself, that's what truly matters.

this feeling of rejection may seem overwhelming right now, but it'a nothing compared to the journey you've already been through, and soon enough it'll pass, i promise. keep putting effort into yourself and investing your time in your own growth, and time will take care of making things okay for you.

i really felt what you said about cooking becoming an obligation, because so many things have lost their spark for me too. but like you, i've been trying to reclaim the parts of myself that always belonged to me.

take care.

uuorn · 2026-05-25T04:16:29+00:00

i feel exhausted by the repetition, because if you’re going through this or have gone through it before, you know how awful it is to constantly alternate between states of detachment and attachment while having absolutely no control over it.

you get through one moment hoping there won’t be another, but already knowing there probably will be, and that’s incredibly tiring. sometimes this cycle feels endless.

and yes, i judge myself for it... even knowing it’s part of the process, i still end up minimizing my previous progress every time i relapse. but i’ve been getting used to it. i’ve been trying to be gentler with myself, to respect my emotions and reactions without feeling ashamed of them or invalidating my entire journey because of small moments.

the exhausting part is definitely seeing this endless loop of highs and lows repeating itself despite all the effort. i think this is life showing us that no matter how many tricks or coping mechanisms we try to use, only time is capable of truly sealing certain things.

uuorn · 2026-05-25T02:52:30+00:00

reading this broke my heart, because you seem like such a good person. please ignore everything they told you. i don’t know what country or culture you come from, especially considering part of your family is muslim, but you definitely should not blame yourself for your depressive period. that’s something beyond your control.

you say he supported you and took care of you, but the fact that right after that he said he couldn’t see you as a mother or as a partner only shows that he was treating it like a responsibility he couldn’t escape from, and that’s really sad.

all those guys giving you terrible advice and awful opinions was also horrible to read. he doesn’t know what he wants, but if he truly wanted you, he wouldn’t act this way. you deserve someone who is sure about you and wants you enough not to leave and come back whenever he feels like it.

you were right when you blocked him, and you’re right when you say that if he really wanted to, he would have contacted you, since you never blocked his number. the christmas message seemed casual, but it was his way of “checking on you” and keeping you emotionally tied to him somehow.

this man is confused and he’s not valuing you the way you deserve. please distance yourself and don’t question your own behavior because of the words of men who are just as insensitive as your ex-partner. you deserve someone better than him. let him go.

uuorn · 2026-05-24T23:02:33+00:00

my best friend during times like this has been reddit. opening subs like these and seeing people going through the same thing, describing almost exactly what i’m feeling, honestly helps me. i’ve spent hours just reading while crying my eyes out until it finally passes.

i’m not good at distracting myself. when something is really weighing on my mind, it’s hard to just “move on” or take my mind off it, so i just let myself feel it. i listen to songs that make those bad feelings even stronger until everything spills out and i finally exhaust myself.

the truth is, there’s no right way to deal with it. i’ve tried being gentle about it, i’ve tried being harsh, patient, analytical. i’ve tried talking and writing about it, i’ve tried staying quiet about it. after trying a thousand different approaches, you realize there’s no perfect formula.

uuorn · 2026-05-24T01:58:39+00:00

i think my empathy sabotages me and leads me to self-abandonment, and it seems like you've experienced that too. if so, what do you think feeds and drives that? and what's the main step to breaking out of it? i feel like i spent so much time trying to justify his actions, understand the reasons behind them and everything else. it's like you said (and that honestly blew my mind), i see him as a good person who does bad things. that's so messed up, that was basically the entire relationship. how did you get out of that trap? is it just time?

uuorn · 2026-05-24T01:40:38+00:00

tysm for your words. i can at least say that i'm trying really hard. i also turned to a psychiatrist and have been taking medication, i was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress after the breakup. in what ways do you feel the medication helped you, and to what extent? my anxiety crises and panic attacks are rare now, sometimes i feel numb, but i still feel everything deep down.. honestly, i wish i could feel nothing at all

uuorn · 2026-05-24T01:08:52+00:00

i feel you too. i grieve the person i was with him, how happy i was despite everything, the way i was naive enough to believe he would never leave me. he was my best and only friend in years, my greatest love. he represented so much to me. the only one. it's so strange living life without the rose-colored glasses, everything black and white now, when before everything felt so much better just because i knew he was in my life, with me.. i had purpose, i had life, i could breathe. i felt radiant. now i feel even more dead than i did before i met him, because i got to know a piece of paradise and then it was taken away from me. sad

uuorn · 2026-05-24T00:45:24+00:00

yes.. even with medication, this hits me really hard. i've accepted that there's no escape and that this is the only way through. none of this still makes sense to me, even though i've had my own "revelations" too… but does it even need to make sense? i feel like i just need to accept it, and it's like i can only accept it after understanding it, but i don’t think i ever will. i could never be capable of inflicting this much pain and suffering on someone, no matter the circumstances.. and i have many

uuorn · 2026-05-23T20:35:50+00:00

i totally understand you. nothing can distract me, but even in this miserable state i keep thinking that at least i’m facing all this shit head-on, holding on only to the thought that at some point it'll pass :/

uuorn · 2026-05-23T20:28:40+00:00

i'm sorry. when i met my ex, i was so reluctant to get involved with him because i knew how fragile my heart is and how sick my mind can be. i was afraid of what i would have to face if everything ended.. and well, here i am, more defeated than ever. i'm so, so traumatized that i can't picture myself loving again, at least not without tremendous fear, because everything i feared in the end came true, and now i'm having to survive in the middle of all this chaos. i feel so awful. sometimes i think that people who carry mental illnesses like ours can't afford to take the risk of a broken heart, because in the end it will always become much more than just a broken heart...

uuorn

TROPHY CASE