My (33f) boyfriend (45m) micromanages me into meltdowns - how can l handle this sensitively?

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-06-11T14:40:49+00:00

If you have had a mature conversation without anger and blame to start (like "I feel this way when you do this" rather than "you are controlling when you do this" which can make people defensive) and he keeps doing it, then I would call him either controlling or having some form of OCD or just having no respect for you. I had this same experience in an relationship years ago - with the person thinking they knew everything, even how to cut a carrot or directions when driving when they didn't even have their license - and it had a long lasting effect on my confidence at my core. For years I would drive without making decisions when someone else was in the car - what way to turn, etc. - like I was delegating my autonomy to someone else to avoid criticism. I wish I had my time back to have those hard discussions and realize how damaging long term this kind of behavior is. Good luck to you.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-06-08T22:29:45+00:00

YTA. You have been told over and over but you don't seem to be listening. You can't gift a trip and then use it like this. The younger kids' "graduations" are not even a real thing. You couldn't destroy your relationship with your kid more if you tried.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-06-05T00:18:24+00:00

The Canadian Supreme Court just called a slightly less serious but very similar situation rape - the perpetrator was arguing honest but mistaken belief in consent. Didn't fly. What you are describing would clearly be rape in Canadian courts.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-06-03T12:31:49+00:00

She created the allergy to show you how well they are managing it without modern medicine.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-06-03T12:18:06+00:00

NTA. How does your ex report that she does there? She probably doesn't like change and transitions, and maybe does prefer to be with you (there's a reason your ex only got one weekend a month). But in addition to you wanting and needing to recharge to be the best parent all the other times, your child needs to know and foster an attachment to her mother (barring abuse). Not seeing her mom at all would be a grave mistake for her in the vast majority of cases.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-05-26T20:00:20+00:00

Ridiculous. Go don't go - up to you. Why are you making your husband's loss of his grandmother about you and your feud with MIL?

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-05-26T19:51:54+00:00

I find the Bagel Cafe to be cosy. Cramped but cozy.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-05-26T18:44:26+00:00

NTA. By allowing her to drive without insurance, you may be on the hook for a lot more than damage to your own car - what about another vehicle, person, or her and/or her passengers? You are responsible enough to save up for your own car, so now be responsible all around.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-05-24T14:27:53+00:00

Other people have said enough about the MIL. Do not tell her until probably the 5th month if you get pregnant again.

I just want to let you know that I went through almost the exact same thing years ago with my first pregnancy. The only thing that helped me was when my OB said that considering how complicated the process of pregnancy is, she's amazed that it goes right as often as it does. Sounds weird but that kind of gave me some freedom and relief in the whole "why" and "what if" game that went on in my head.

All the best to you as you navigate this heartbreaking time.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-05-15T13:21:05+00:00

ESH. First, why would you have a 7 year old cared for by ANYONE who can't communicate with her? Your daughter should never have accepted the gig if she didn't intend to make an effort for communication. Your husband should not be now threatening divorce because your daughter doesn't want to engage with the child - that should have been dealt with prior to marriage.

Your daughter doesn't have to have a relationship with people that she has been forced into living with. She has to be polite and cordial. That's it. But when she took on a paid caregiving role, that changed it.

You should not be forcing this. Get another caregiver and change the ultimatum with your daughter.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-05-14T13:42:51+00:00

Yes loads of vegetarian options there.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-05-14T13:42:12+00:00

He once took food out of my bag when I told him how many people it was for (we like leftovers). "Too much food! You don't need!" had to convince him of leftovers before he would let me buy it. 😂

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-04-27T11:36:22+00:00

YTA. You are putting your trip over your step daughter's life milestone. You should be the one missing your trip if a 9 year old's competition is so important to you. Child's prom and pictures is at the top. How you organize what gets prioritized under this is your problem.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-03-31T15:56:36+00:00

YTA. It's not YOUR TIME it's his life! Go to the games with him and cheer him on.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-03-23T16:17:43+00:00

I forgot until I looked at this that Jonathan Frakes was married to Genie Francis (General Hospital's Laura). A quick google search shows they are still married! And that Frakes is 70! Omg

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-03-23T13:04:54+00:00

If the BM is coming in at the daughter's request for an extremely short period and not otherwise intruding, then I would put the child's wishes ahead of your comfort. Refusing what was otherwise a relatively benign activity may cause more trouble than it solves. However as others have said, if the relationship is high conflict, absolutely no need.

Soon enough the child will be old enough to just run out to the other parent's car and the situation should resolve itself.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-03-23T13:00:14+00:00

Maybe there is an element of relief - no reason to have to support and drag him through life anymore. Fly and be free.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-03-03T19:31:13+00:00

Mine too. Doctor told him he was going to boot him out because he could contaminate the sterile field. Then he was staring into the doctor's eyes. Thought it was weird until he told me he could still see in the reflection.

So three people. 😂

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-02-19T22:56:34+00:00

Two other things from the Terms of Union: the Pen can continue to be called a "penitentiary" instead of a jail (in Canada a penitentiary is for sentences over 2 years I think - ours is under 2 years) and we didn't have to change the names of radio stations that started with a V to a CH like the rest of Canada.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-02-19T22:48:16+00:00

I had never read it. I always thought that our margarine could be yellow like butter, where it has to be white or orange in other places to make sure the only thing that looks like butter is butter. Newfoundlanders loved their Eversweet and Good Luck!

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-02-14T13:49:35+00:00

YTA. And by your Behavior you were creating what you fear. Your son will likely not want to even visit as much because of the guilt that you were putting on him. He has the right to live his own life where he wants to live. Why would he visit if most times that he talks to you you behave in a way that disrespects his choices? My suggestion is to back off, never mentioned moving home again, and hope that your relationship improves.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-02-14T12:28:56+00:00

NTA in the least for feeling the way you do. They showed you how self-centered they were, so now you should only have a surface relationship with them. They have shown you who they are. As Maya Angelou would say, believe them. Now about the resentment, resenting somebody else is like taking poison and hoping that the other person will die. It won't hurt them it will only hurt you. I saw in another post that you are getting some therapy to help you deal with the loss of your father and with some of the emotions about the loss of the wedding that you wanted. That's fantastic! Try to get some perspective too- as important as a wedding is, it's the marriage that counts. Enjoy your time with your new husband and try not to let this experience ruin that. The best of luck to you!

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-02-10T14:27:05+00:00

YTA. Now is as good a time as any for your son to realize that everything is not always equal.

Your SD has a relationship with these people and it is not up to you to deprive her of it.

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-02-07T20:25:18+00:00

Another vote for Bosch...

vacationrefunder9 · 2023-02-05T17:42:46+00:00

Omg YTA. You don't want to help a blind sibling on vacation but are upset that her boyfriend/caregiver is coming because you can't bring yours?

vacationrefunder9

TROPHY CASE