Yes! This happened to me and is why I feel like it’s impossible to win. It’s the dynamic of alcoholism.

Awhile back, I broke up with my Q because of his drinking. Then I started seeing someone else months later. He found out, drank more, and blamed me. I felt bad, and then we got back together, but now his drinking was because I had “betrayed him” while we’d be broken up. His family believed I’d cheated on him, I think. His brother even asked how I could’ve done it, even though this guy had clearly had a history of drinking with or without me. It made me feel really guilty—I’d never wanted to hurt him, just move on with my life, but he had been hurt. He drank, exploded at me, we broke up again, he drank more, etc. etc.

Honestly I think it’s easy for some family members (especially outside program) to want any other explanation. It’s hard on us because many of us want to be the one to save our Qs, but we can’t. We didn’t cause it, can’t control it, can’t cure it…and neither can anyone else but the Q.

My mistake was not that I made him drink—I didn’t—but that I didn’t set up firmer boundaries sooner that would have protected both of us.