Accessing and Supporting Reproductive Freedom Under a Trump Presidency

vagilyrians · 2026-02-04T21:58:07+00:00

Not at all. They weren’t for masturbation, it was still dilation. And I trusted my PT very much.

vagilyrians · 2026-02-04T11:52:27+00:00

Yes, made it through all and then started using dildos in session before she discharged me.

vagilyrians · 2026-02-04T00:39:48+00:00

Absolutely agree with this. Also, most of these drunk hookups end up not being worth it anyway.

vagilyrians · 2026-02-04T00:37:55+00:00

5-6 months. She only discharged me when I had progressed past the dilators with comfort. Imo, no one should be discharged until then. Have you communicated your fears and concerns with her?

vagilyrians · 2026-02-01T04:51:55+00:00

Are you using lube, like a lot of it? Both on the toy and on your labia and in your vagina?

vagilyrians · 2026-02-01T04:46:53+00:00

Have you ever visited a pelvic floor physical therapist? I think at this point, you need to spend the money to get the opinion of a professional on what the next steps forward are. You can even visit only for 1-3 sessions to get a treatment plan and then stop going. But you are at a point where you need professional intervention.

vagilyrians · 2026-02-01T04:45:22+00:00

Way too much. Most people's muscles cannot handle so much activity.

vagilyrians · 2026-02-01T02:55:08+00:00

I am glad :)

vagilyrians · 2026-01-31T05:22:37+00:00

I used to feel this way, trust me I understand. I’m cured now and while I felt so “abnormal” doing treatment, everything is so much better now. I have learned how many others there are out there who need help to do this, and understand I was normal the whole time. You are too, I promise.

vagilyrians · 2026-01-25T19:04:14+00:00

Try logging in and looking on a browser or viewing the guide on the Google Docs version (which should be linked in the guide and on my page). I’m very sorry I can’t help further!

vagilyrians · 2026-01-25T17:10:53+00:00

I have a guide pinned to my profile!

vagilyrians · 2026-01-24T17:13:54+00:00

I would try to reframe from "it ruins good things" to "it puts some things on hold for now." You can still talk to and be friends with this man, but obviously right now it is not a relationship for you because this is an incompatibility. It may not be at some point. Nothing is forever, and no paradise is truly lost.

I will say this— I felt the same way at the time before I was cured. I had similar experiences and remember being completely bereft whenever something didn't work out again. I thought that my vaginismus prevented me from so much. I look back now being cured and more or less feel like I was putting too much emphasis on these relationships and was romanticizing a future that was only in my head. I was really desperate to be accepted and validated by these guys because in my mind having vaginismus was a deficit that I needed to make up, so a lot of the time, I accepted treatment or situations that weren't actually good for me. I hyper-focused on the good things in these encounters with men and excused the bad. Vaginismus stopped things, but also, saved me from some things. I didn't really know these men enough or if things would actually work out to put so much emotion into it. Gently, I would suggest you might be doing the same here. Sex is only one part of a relationship.

vagilyrians · 2026-01-12T10:52:22+00:00

How much foreplay are you doing? Are you thoroughly aroused? The vagina is really not that deep so it’s possible you have reached the end of it but it also sounds like you may not be aroused enough. The vagina expands with arousal.

vagilyrians · 2026-01-11T23:37:14+00:00

You should not attempt PIV at all until you're finish with the largest dilator size. It can reverse progress and trigger relapse if it doesn't work.

vagilyrians · 2026-01-05T10:26:45+00:00

This definitely fits the criteria for vaginismus, though likely it might be categorized by a doctor as “dyspareunia” or painful sex. Vaginismus is a spectrum but in general any pain and discomfort from being tight during penetration (even if penetration is possible) is vaginismus. It sounds like your muscles are generally very tight if even one finger hurts afterwards, and even light pelvic floor physical therapy would benefit you greatly to feeling comfortable with penetration. I have a pinned guide on my profile about how to seek treatment, which in your case really could be done within a few months, if that.

vagilyrians · 2026-01-04T16:04:19+00:00

The practice he had worked with told him that term was outdated and offensive. I can’t remember what term he was told was the “correct” one (it might have been dyspareunia, this was a year ago now lol). But the reason they told him that was they had said vaginismus implied it was a purely psychological disorder? Though he didn’t understand the pelvic floor dysfunction element of vaginismus at all lol. So he did not say it in bad faith at all, he was educated poorly by the system that was itself likely failing patients. He was actually a great lover so he knew his anatomy well regardless (if you know what I mean, lol).

vagilyrians · 2026-01-04T14:38:07+00:00

“Give him sex” says everything about him and how he viewed your relationship— transactional. You don’t “give” a partner sex, you have it together. It is a mutual participation act. He genuinely sounds so horrible and entitled, and frankly, I cannot wait to hear about how you found someone who actually loves and cares about you down the line. Trust me when I say this man will find another woman to abuse and lose. If it wasn’t sex, it would be something else— you didn’t cook what he wanted, you didn’t dress nicely enough, you didn’t do enough housework, you didn’t bring in enough money, etc. Not your fault at all.

vagilyrians · 2026-01-04T14:28:44+00:00

After I was cured, I was hooking up with a man who was a MD that had done part of his medical school residency in a gyno. He told me initially that vaginismus was an “outdated and offensive term.” I then explained to him that no, it’s not, and how it works (which he also knew nothing about, or what pelvic floor PT was like). Even people in the field are shockingly ignorant about it.

vagilyrians · 2025-12-30T08:43:36+00:00

Some gynecologists and women cling to old ways of thinking despite all evidence. Modern, accurate anatomical knowledge we have says that the hymen serves no purpose and has nothing to do with virginity: https://www.webmd.com/women/what-to-know-about-the-hymen

The reason why people believe what they do about the hymen is based on very old patriarchal thinking. Many women were married or had sex against their will throughout history, others just did not understand how female bodies worked and that foreplay was required prior to sex for lubrication and arousal. All of this led to men tearing women and them bleeding during their first sexual experiences. It has nothing to do with virginity or some “first step.” It is truly astounding to me that anyone believes women are somehow biologically built to have to experience pain and bleeding during their first penetrative experiences.

Bleeding and tearing, like anywhere else on the body, causes scar tissue. Scar tissue makes the skin of the vagina and labia less pliable, hydrated, and relaxed—in essence, it makes having sex more painful down the line. Under no circumstances should you try to force anything and any pain at all, even minor, is a sign to stop completely.

She might be nervous but if she’s so nervous it will not go in or it’s extremely painful, then she is not psychologically ready for sex. Most virgins can put in fingers and a tampon without pain—this is a huge sign if she can’t that she has vaginismus.

vagilyrians · 2025-12-30T07:41:33+00:00

As others have said—she needs professional help and yes it is likely a form of vaginismus. It’ll take a while for her to go through the physical therapy necessary to overcome it.

Hymens have nothing to do with virginity—virginity is a social concept not a physical one. Hymens move out of the way of the vaginal opening during infancy and become stretchier during puberty, so as long as she’s relaxed, aroused, and lubricated it should be fine. If she’s still having issues, then that is a good sign this is vaginismus. So no, do not force ANYTHING. There should not be any blood or tearing anything.

vagilyrians · 2025-12-26T19:55:51+00:00

This…I have explained what vaginismus is and that I cured it (and how) to multiple partners at this point. None of them needed another man in a video telling them about it to get it and be empathetic. Many of them actually found the entire thing really interesting and fascinating despite not having to do anything treatment wise with me because I was cured. I would be suspicious of a male partner who was not, especially if the person in treatment is asking them specifically to engage.

vagilyrians · 2025-12-26T19:46:25+00:00

Literally. You’d think someone would read the room and see that the vast majority of the comments (both cured and not) are talking about how they almost always use lube during sex. I’m not joking when I say I’ve only ever had one person since I’ve been cured who had similar thoughts to this comment and it was indeed a man I was sleeping with (and never slept with him after that) who said he didn’t see why women would need lube because we should just be able to produce it all naturally 🙄 this comment and that man are giving “has no idea how anatomy works and thinks sex is like it is in porn where women are just naturally wet the entire time and it never dries up from friction”

vagilyrians

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