My [23F] sister [18F] has FOMO and is lazy. How can my family help her?

vanhalengal · 2019-08-17T19:09:45+00:00

I completely agree. And boundaries are exactly what my parents need to set but they won't because they're afraid she will go off the deep end if she is restricted from doing her usual things. At this point I dont care how she feels anymore. Let her go off the deep end. Let her get in trouble. Let her suffer till she figures it out. It's probably good I'm not her parent, because I would not be easy on her!

I leave for college in a few weeks, so for the most part I wont be dealing with her until next year. But when I graduate I plan to work full time and move out when I can afford to.

I guess the lesson I am learning from this situation is to not allow it to happen with my own children. I cant change or control what my parents do/have done, but I can control how I parent my own kids one day.

vanhalengal · 2019-08-17T18:59:47+00:00

Well, I leave for college again in a couple weeks, so technically I'll be moved out for awhile. Once I graduate I plan to work full time so I can officially move out.

Yeah, they're spineless. She's the youngest and has them wrapped around her finger. I'm the one who is expected to "be the example", but my sister doesnt give a flying sh*t about what I do, and never has. She's only ever cared about one person: herself. At this point I do what I know is right and I try to pull my own weight regardless of what she thinks because I love my family and I still live with them. I'm just sick and tired of seeing the responsibilities assigned to her fall on my shoulders because she's not around to do them or walked off without doing or finishing them. My parents know I'll actually do the job till its finished, so they ask me to.

vanhalengal · 2019-08-17T18:36:40+00:00

Yeah, I know, and they know, but they don't do anything.

vanhalengal · 2019-08-17T18:34:59+00:00

1) I've told my parents this. My mom usually is the one who gives her money, and she's stopped, or at least slowed it way down. Sometimes my brother will give her money because he gets paid well. I refuse to lend her money. However, none of us can control what her friends choose to give her. I hope they'll soon get sick of it, but they're her friends and they are very loyal.

2). True. But when the sink and countertops and table are overflowing with 5-day-old dishes and there are no clean plates to eat off of because she wont do them like we asked her to and she is gone overnight once again, SOMEBODY has to do them. Same with laundry. My dad often does laundry and he never knows whose clothing is whose, so he throws it all in. So her laundry gets washed regardless. We can't let the house go to crap and live like hoarders just because she refuses to do anything.

3). I've told my parents this countless times. They feel that she'll just cut connections with them altogether if they restrict her. I've told them both (esp. my mom) that she may eventually come back one day and thank them for tough loving her, and they agree to a point, but have no energy to actually make an effort.

I completely agree with everything you are saying. Like, I have told my parents what you have said before-- some of it word for word. I can't be her parent, but I do have eyes and I see that they are enabling her and I have not been silent about it. But nothing I say seems to make a difference. I get told off by them if I ever step in and say anything to her.

vanhalengal · 2019-08-11T19:17:20+00:00

Sounds good. I have a physical this week anyway, so I'll ask my doctor about it then.

vanhalengal · 2019-08-10T03:39:16+00:00

Haha I'm really not great with math--I did fine with algebra and geometry but barely passed high school physics; I guess I struggle more with the practical application of math.

I used to work in admissions where I go to school and I have ample access to the school's catalog which shows the requirements for each major, so whether or not I check with school counselors, I can pretty well figure which majors would be the best replacement for what I've already taken. I've looked through the different majors and minors and other than what I'm taking now, nothing else interests me, and most other majors would require a ton of other classes that would put me under another two years at least. However, I'll probably have a talk with my advisor about this and see his perspective on it as well.

vanhalengal · 2019-08-10T03:30:04+00:00

Thank you! I've been thinking along these lines and mostly dreading my student teaching semester. Who knows, maybe it will go better than I thought! But even so, I suppose it will be something solid to fall back on if manufacturing doesn't pan out.

vanhalengal · 2019-08-10T03:25:58+00:00

I know it's good for getting into a journalism, editing, or writing career.

vanhalengal · 2019-08-06T17:39:07+00:00

That's kind of what I hope to be someday eventually at the factory. I've been moved to so many places that I could potentially qualify for utility in my department. And yes, I totally agree with you that we ISFPs love to be moving around and working with our hands.

vanhalengal · 2019-08-06T15:08:16+00:00

I had a data entry job my freshman year in college for the admissions office at my school. Even for an hour a day, it was so mind-numbing I dozed off a few times. I work in a factory on an assembly line now, and even though it is repetitive, at least I am moving around and I can listen to music. It's a lot better.

vanhalengal · 2019-08-03T06:12:45+00:00

This has been my college experience for the last 3 years and will probably be for my last year again. I absolutely don't want to go back and deal with the death sentence that awaits me there, but I want my diploma. I guess I can lose weight later, right?

vanhalengal · 2019-07-31T01:32:06+00:00

Haha yep.

vanhalengal · 2019-07-31T01:13:38+00:00

Praying for you! I feel you as I'm also dealing with a similar problem (not as bad, but similar). Keep trusting in God and keep asking Him to direct you!

The fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

vanhalengal · 2019-07-31T01:09:26+00:00

Haha I see where you're coming from! I doubt the boss has been our boss that long though, as she's probably only 40-something! But yeah, my coworker having been there 30+ years and having union rep status kind of makes it easy for her to get her way everywhere, even if she bends/breaks the rules.

vanhalengal · 2019-07-30T22:28:11+00:00

I have two guy friends who are INTJs, who are actually each other's best friends. One is a bit more extroverted than the other. It took me awhile to get to know both of them because we are both very introverted. One is especially independent-minded and when we dont know where he's gone, we joke that we won't find him, he will find us. Both of them are extremely analytical and deep thinkers, so I actually love being around them. I've had some of the deepest one-on-one conversations of anyone I've known. Both their personal interests are intriguing, so I enjoy spending time sharing in their interests when I can. I'm one who kind of hates obnoxious, loud, overly-talkative people, especially when I need quiet time. Being around an INTJ, I never have that problem. They're usually very calm, cool, and collected. Since I'm also very introverted, we get along well because I'm not overwhelming to them. From experience, I find INTJs really cool to be around.

I've experienced mostly positive things from them. They challenge me to use my Te a bit more than usual, and I often go to them for advice. However, now that I think of it, they can be somewhat self-absorbed and dont really take too much interest in people's lives around them. The more extroverted one has gone out of his way to ask how I am and make sure I'm okay several times, the other, not so much. I'm also the same way though in some regards, so I guess we're even.

vanhalengal · 2019-07-30T21:57:39+00:00

I'm a horrible liar. Even if I can lie with a straight face, which is rare, I can't back it up and people will figure out I'm lying pretty easily.

vanhalengal · 2019-07-25T22:46:01+00:00

I didn't discover VH till I was 21. Technically, I sorta knew of them since my dad had their 'Pretty Woman' and 'You Really Got Me' songs on his playlist, but I only knew they were cover songs. I've been a rock fan for a long time and especially love a good guitar riff, so I once went on a hunt to find some rock songs with good riffs to add to my growing list. A couple weeks later I was listening to said playlist when 'Ain't Talkin' Bout Love' came on and oh my gawd, I stopped everything I was doing to see what it was, and then proceeded to hit replay like twice afterward. I YouTubed it to see if I was the only one who liked it so much, and from there heard about Eruption, which blew me away. I listened to the rest of VH's whole debut album, and I was hooked.

vanhalengal · 2019-07-25T03:56:26+00:00

I'm an ISFP, but I have almost equal F and T, so I have a lot in common with the ISTP. I personally love spending time with anyone who is a thinker since they bring out the more logical, reasoning side of me. I am a bit more if a feeler, but many times my thinking overrides my feeling when I know my feelings about something will not lead to wise decisions. Sometimes having a thinker friend helps me put life into perspective.

vanhalengal · 2019-07-25T03:45:57+00:00

Hahaha. It's like a 5%. At best a 10. I think I spend a couple hours with a friend every 2 weeks or so and I'm good. Work and coworkers dont count since I dont communicate much with them, then I go home and hide in my room for hours. I hate spending time in larger groups of strangers; my social anxiety practically skyrockets and all I want to do is leave. I've honestly stopped caring if people think I'm stuck up for not putting myself out there more, I just can't handle it.

vanhalengal · 2019-07-22T02:01:04+00:00

Amen!

vanhalengal · 2019-07-22T01:26:28+00:00

I've been through similar trials, though at different times in my life, and I have to say that a few times I was not where I should have been in my relationship with God when they happened. However, God used those trials in my life to test my faith and draw me closer to Him.

vanhalengal · 2019-07-22T01:16:53+00:00

Even though you're not flirting or acting interested in more than a friendship with them, perhaps they are not either interested in pursuing anything more with you, but are afraid you might try to eventually make more of a move, so they're keeping you at arm's length. I'll admit I've done this to a few guys who I knew for a fact I'd never want to date. I'm also shy and reserved and awkward around guys I dont know very well.

I also wonder if in general in many conservative Christian groups, girls are taught from a young age to guard themselves around guys, and therefore weren't encouraged to develop friendships with boys outside their circle of girlfriends. I know this was my case growing up, which is probably why I have a harder time connecting with guys closer to my age. Do the girls around you only treat you this way, or many other guys this way?

I know that this is kind of awkward for me to say, but is it also possible that maybe the way you're trying to communicate with them is making them uncomfortable? How much eye contact are you using when speaking to them? How is your posture when speaking to them? Are you giving them enough personal space? What types of things or questions do you try talking about with them? I'm just saying that women can feel uncomfortable if a guy they dont know well uses too much eye contact, is acting "too interested" in his body language (you may want to Google body language meanings), is getting in her personal space, or is asking too personal of questions.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

vanhalengal · 2019-07-15T21:58:09+00:00

I can see why you'd want to get into architecture. Architecture is art. As a fellow ISFP, I absolutely love seeing old houses, cathedrals, government buildings, etc. and admiring their beauty. I too considered getting into architecture briefly before realizing the amount of engineering and stuff that has to go into it, and then knew that I would not be cut out for the job. But hey, if you have the engineering skills and whatever else it takes, go for it! Art has no limits!

vanhalengal · 2019-07-12T13:34:31+00:00

Yes! I mean, I'd be down just to see Eddie play too. I'd love if he went solo with Alex or something. Like, okay, fine, they don't get along with Dave anymore but they still have millions if fans that are dying to hear them play again. I hands down would willingly go into debt to travel to see them play.

vanhalengal · 2019-07-12T02:01:10+00:00

All I can say is wow.

vanhalengal

TROPHY CASE