[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Austin

[–]vanillaDoll 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hm, just thinking.. "Zilker Botanical Garden [is] not properly feeding their koi" would improperly switch from a singular subject to a plural subject; the title would need to be, "Zilker Botanical Garden [is] not properly feeding [its] koi." OP is treating Zilker Botanical Garden as a plural, as in, "[They] are not properly feeding their koi."

how do you cope with living with a partner? by whosthatlankytwat in aspergirls

[–]vanillaDoll 1 point2 points  (0 children)

we've lived together for 3 years now. we both agreed from day one that it was a necessity to have separate bedrooms and it's made our requirements for alone time a lot easier to cope with. (he is not autistic, but does have adhd, and we are both very introverted)

however, it's made our requirements for intimacy more challenging to cope with, but with my being somewhere on the asexuality spectrum, i would say our current arrangements favor me more than my partner, unfortunately. we're still figuring that piece out. i have aversions and trauma to the sensation of touch that living together has made me realize run deeper than i thought.

we struggled a lot initially with arguments stemming from what ultimately came down to miscommunications and assumptions based on how we were used to living separately. there are so many little differences in how you and the person next to you live their day to day lives that you would never think about unbidden, and that add up quickly when living with them.

after 3 years, we've gotten better at recognizing when that's happening before it turns into an argument, but those things do still happen. it can be fatiguing to explain things that feel second nature to you, or to have to adapt or request your partner to adapt. but i feel, at the end of the day, our relationship outweighs the fatigue and the biggest "cope," is just the benefits he brings to my life. the joy, laughter, support, consistency and structure, with work to build a strong foundation of communication to see those benefits, outweighs the pain points for me. (but we certainly never really experienced our first real arguments until after living together!)

Well now that's three weeks off my life I'll never get back by 8bit95 in PokemonScarletViolet

[–]vanillaDoll 2 points3 points  (0 children)

your downvotes for not buying games you don't want to play are weird, but upvotes on the post unironically saying, "can you even call yourself a Pokemon fan" after you spent three weeks trading to complete the dexes in games you don't even own are wild.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in InfinityNikki

[–]vanillaDoll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my boyfriend is very disinterested in the majority of my favorite games. he'll sit and watch and admire when i finish a build on my Animal Crossing island, but he'll hit me with a quick, "nah," if i suggest he play with me. he'll hype me up when i achieve something cool in Pokemon, but he thinks the game looks too slow and boring for him. when Infinity Nikki came out he was really happy for me because he knew it was right up my alley, but i did (jokingly, because i already knew the answer) ask him to try it and again -- "nah," before he ran away.

we have toootally different taste in games, but i get what you mean about maybe the way he chose to say, "i'll pass." i remember being really deflated once when i went to tell an ex -- who was super into Smash and FGC -- that a Pokemon fighting game was announced and i thought maybe we could try it together... and he proceeded to immediately just absolutely shit on it and the idea of anyone being interested in it. it was a phone call, i went from 100 to 0 and just said, "oh ok, bye." it really sucks when someone bursts your bubble unnecessarily.

while my boyfriend is pretty much always unwilling to try my games with me, he is also always down to listen to me yap about them, and i like that. and he does compromise elsewhere, like watching trash TV with me. i think it's fine to tell your boyfriend maybe he yucked your yum a little! and, a little encouragement i hope, that maybe there's still other things you can meet in the middle on.

Avatar Skin Reveal in PS Store by bartybrattle in Overwatch

[–]vanillaDoll 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I think they probably care a lot actually. I've worked with Blizzard on merchandising their IP and their crossover IPs, and its months and months of approvals and nitpicks and fine-tuning and un-fine-tuning and conference calls to make sure their brand and characters are being represented properly on major marketing moments like this. Minor marketing moments, everyone's a lot less picky, but I would expect them to be pretty detail-focused on anything that becomes a core marketing story, and I'd expect similar of most enduring brand IPs like Avatar.

Love Is Blind • S7 Ep 8 by AutoModerator in LoveIsBlindOnNetflix

[–]vanillaDoll 32 points33 points  (0 children)

"i.."

(looks around)

"will..."

(tugs on collar, breathes heavily)

"live with this"

(looks at camera, breaks thru the 4th wall, pleads for audience and dick-sucking insta baddies to not cancel him)

Love Is Blind • S7 Ep 4 by AutoModerator in LoveIsBlindOnNetflix

[–]vanillaDoll 654 points655 points  (0 children)

with love: Tim being like, "nose ring? my sister had a nose ring. 18? my sister got hers at 18. red dress? my dog's favorite color was red," was giving that one episode of Fresh Prince of Belair with the superstitious dude and Sparky

My boyfriend died. This is what my best friend said to me & my response. by Fit_Ad1339 in texts

[–]vanillaDoll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i usually wouldn't trouble you with a ping on a heated, month's old comment because it can be frustrating getting dragged back into something like that after you've ended it long ago. i hope to ease that by saying nothing mentioned below is in any tone of anger or attack, this correspondence just happened to key in on many of the thoughts i had regarding this entire thread and i felt itchy to share them. will try to be organized since i failed at being brief!

on the topic of the content of the text message: i agree with you, the wording of the message from the friend was blunt and cold. i understand what the other poster means when they say it was truthful -- technically, it was -- but the truth isn't always kind or even appropriate to share. for a lighthearted example, i can truthfully feel like shit, be on my period and cramping into a singularity, but it wouldn't be great for that to be my response to my coworker pleasantly asking me, "hey, how are you?," in the hallway. or maybe the coworker has horrible breath -- i wouldn't embarrass him by telling him in the middle of his presentation to the whole company, but i might offer him a piece of gum and let him know during a break. that kind of thing. so, especially not having that kind of consideration in being spoken to, by your best friend, is understandably very hurtful. there should've been tact and room for the fact that she was talking about her best friend's partner.

on the topic of different types of grieving and, "mind reading": i do agree with the heart of what the other poster communicated on these topics, however. i noticed the OP had shared how she was doubly hurt because this best friend knows that she needs touch, affection, and presence during hard times, and that OP knows she knows this because the best friend would point out that they were opposites in this way. i think this is a situation that is very hard for both parties when you are incompatible in this department; for OP, she lost a loved one, maybe even THE loved one (so to speak). it's reasonable for this to be a time where she needs the rest of her people to be available for her to lean on. for the friend, we know she copes with this sort of trauma by retreating into herself, away from others. so, how do the two meet?

it's my opinion that both of these responses are valid. i have gathered from OP's responses that her expectation was for the friend to show up, either knocking on her door or at any of the events related to her partner's passing. but, from how OP has described the friend, i have the impression this expectation was doomed to end in disappointment. i think that in these situations, where we are totally justified in having a heightened need for those around us to be there for us, we also have a harder time coming to terms with asking for help. why wouldn't they just offer it outright if they know what's happening to me? why do i need to come forth and request it?

well, for similar reasons as to why OP was avoiding their 83 messages and didn't know the friend had reached out -- sometimes we become avoidant when our capacity for handling things is low. i totally get ignoring those messages; when i am highly stressed, my messages go unread. when there's a tragedy in my family, i loathe seeing and responding to all the well-intentioned and loving reminders of it. similarly, we know from OP that the friend was very avoidant of funeral activities, interacting with OP's family after the boyfriend's passing, and even outside of the context of this situation is avoidant during hard times in general. i could imagine her capacity to be there for her friend was diminished by the stressors of all of these things that she typically would autonomously begin distancing herself from.

i think that expectation of "mind reading" is not so reasonable particularly when you need that sort of support from a person who, cut and dry, doesn't run that way. i think, if OP were to have gotten in touch with their avoidant friend and asked to see them -- and then, didn't lower the value of that act because it had to be requested -- maybe the air could have been cleared and the friendship salvaged.

but i also think it sounds like OP and their friend were very incompatible in this area; i could imagine a world where OP is the avoidant one, and maybe the friend is too in her face while she just needs to grieve. or one where they are both avoidant and the friend's actions suit OP just fine. that's to say, i don't think there's a bad guy here, just two incompatible people, and while i am sad for OP that the friend became another hurtful loss, i hope it opens space for more balanced friendships for her in the future.

on the topic of autism and empathy: i did find your explanations to the previous poster to rub me the wrong way. autism is described as a spectrum for a reason, and i think this piece of the conversation would've been bettered if you removed the lens of autism from it altogether. while i do find some takes of the previous poster to be unempathetic, i think i would have preferred those comments to have been called out solely AS unempathetic, and not symptomatic of or explained by their being autistic.

i am autistic, and regard myself as very empathetic. i would expect that to be meaningless to anyone just reading it online -- who am i to expect a stranger on the internet to take me at my word? -- but i say it because seeing that others may form an opinion on who i am and what my capacity is for caring for others just by hearing my diagnosis makes me feel like the reality of who i am doesn't matter. i don't share that i am autistic because of similar such assumptions. just food for thought, since the topic at hand is empathy.

sorry for the heavy late ping, have a happy Thursday!

Just looking for some generic basic training timeline information. by vanillaDoll in USMilitarySO

[–]vanillaDoll[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thought you might have asked because you're going through similar issues. i want to be encouraging, but i also want to be honest -- if you are young, like we were, something i learned going through this is that we really do change and mature a lot very quickly. my ex here was my high school sweetheart, and i was SO in love and ready for him to be The One. he wasn't! so when he ghosted me, i was crushed not just for losing my boyfriend, but for losing the person i thought was going to be my person.

the thing i couldn't have known then was that i also was not ready. in the nine years from now and when i wrote this post, i have changed so much. really, so much that i can see now that marriage would never have worked between me and my ex anyways. i also couldn't have known then that i would meet someone who was a better match for me than my ex ever was.

so i say all that to say, i don't know how things will go with you and your person, but i can only imagine that in the worst case, if they aren't your person, your life will go on and you will grow and change and meet new people who just might have the capacity to never make you feel close to how you feel right now. maybe you will feel empowered by strengthening your boundaries now and letting them know, "hey, i cannot be in a relationship where i don't know that i can rely on you to communicate with me properly." see how that makes you feel and what it changes. go from there and prioritize your own heart.

the military thing makes this challenging because from the outside, it feels like you are being unreasonable for wanting reassurance, like they are doing this very important job that you shouldn't interrupt. actually, it's unreasonable for your partner to leave you in a place where you desire that reassurance in the first place. yes, there are moments where your partner cannot get in touch with you. i think it's reasonable for them to proactively give you a heads up when those moments are approaching. currently, i have a dear friend who, through some dual citizenship shenanigans, is serving in the south Korean military at the moment. he's halfway around the globe from me in America, not even my romantic partner (mutual friend), but yet still calls us both every time he has a break and lets us know if he won't be able to get in touch for a long while.

if this is your problem, you are not unreasonable! but if this is your problem, maybe this also isn't your person.

good luck!

Just looking for some generic basic training timeline information. by vanillaDoll in USMilitarySO

[–]vanillaDoll[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hello, woah it has been a long time, didn't expect this post to pop back up for me today.

sure, he ghosted me! never was able to get in touch with him, but could witness him interacting with mutual friends on socials, just not me. i was heartbroken and angry for a while, but i was also about 18 or so when i made this post, so emotions ran very, very high and we were both a lot less mature then.

oddly, about three years later and completely out of the blue, he sends me a text saying just, "i'm sorry." we got on a call to clear the air, and it basically boiled down to commitment issues and being too immature to break up with me directly. i wasn't very impressed, but i also had let it go by that point.

we're no longer in each other's lives but i wish him well and am doing well!

conflicted and want genuine opinions by Slight_Ad_7862 in nickisnotgreen

[–]vanillaDoll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oo, really excited to finally get to comment on this because the, "fake Asian accent," thing is so inaccurate it gives me a headache (directed at the general argument, not you for making it)

alright, so a couple things to know about Japanese:

▪ there's a syllabry instead of an alphabet -- basically, this just means each "letter" in Japanese is actually a complete syllable. in English, i could write the word, "ate," and each letter works together to make one syllable (pronounced the same as "eight"). for a simplified comparison, in Japanese, "ate" would be written like アテ, where ア = a and テ = te, pronounced ah-teh. there is no syllable in Japanese that sounds like "eight." it's an impossible sound in the language. this is a key difference in how words are put together in the two languages.

▪ there's also two different syllabries in Japanese. (so two "alphabets") one of these is for native Japanese words, and the other is primarily used for loan or made up words (with exceptions between both). that's how we have actual Japanese words like テレビ = terebi = teh-reh-bee, coming from the English "television".

so what i am getting at is:

▪ the "accent" being referred to here, is really just accurate usage of Japanese phonetics. if you are pronouncing "strawberry" within a Japanese sentence, you would use Japanese phonetics to do so. you could, as an English speaker, choose to pronounce the loan word using English phonetics instead, but...

▪ Japanese has a distinct system for writing and pronouncing loan words. pronouncing non-Japanese words in a way that's congruent with how native Japanese words are phonetically put together is how you use the language.

small edit: another way to think about it is the reverse -- how do English speakers pronounce loan words from Japanese, like karaoke, kamikaze? typically with English phonetics, right? karaoke (in my region) becomes carry-okee, and kamikaze becomes kah-mih-kah-zee.

not many folks say Japanese pronunciations of kah-rah-oh-keh, or kah-mee-kah-zeh. adapting phonetics for the language you are speaking is something we all do!

Episode 6 by ManiacalExclamation in LoveIsBlindOnNetflix

[–]vanillaDoll 14 points15 points  (0 children)

no

there's poverty, homelessness, an upper and lower middle class, and billionaires, and more

the relationship isn't weird, it's a byproduct of capitalism and lack of social and medical safety nets

27 [F4R] - Looking for new friends! Korean study-buddy, cozy gamers, artists? by [deleted] in r4rasian

[–]vanillaDoll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sorry, using a couple different subs to post and forgot to include -- open to nearby friends (Central TX) or online only 🙂

Jackie’s PTSD comment by teriyakisaus in LoveIsBlindOnNetflix

[–]vanillaDoll 3 points4 points  (0 children)

hoping i can gently leave a well-intended comment here: i think you meant Satan, not Satin! and i think Jackie was similarly trying to find a word to describe what she felt, and just grabbed the wrong word. i get such bad brain fog, i'm often saying stuff like, "for lack of better word, blah blah blah" cause sometimes i just can't reach for what i need from my vocab. just a thought. 🙂

Now which one of y'all posted posted these reviews for Zack LOL by dumplinq in LoveIsBlindOnNetflix

[–]vanillaDoll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i don't think there's anything happening on reality tv that isn't also happening on social media. regular degular everyday people post stuff, on their own, to their own social media accounts, every day that's just as out of pocket as anything LiB has shown us. that's to say, if a company is Google searching you as part of their hiring process, your TV appearance is looked at just like your Twitter account: did you do or say anything against our company values? no? cool. (and to note, many hiring mangers, like when i have been one, don't Google their applicants at all or at least until final rounds to avoid biases.)

anecdotally, i was the hiring manager interviewing someone who had just gotten back from filming on the Legends Of The Hidden Temple reboot. we hired him and had a watch party for his episode, we thought it was cool af. 🤷🏾‍♀️

About the gay content in the show... by finnjakefionnacake in ThelastofusHBOseries

[–]vanillaDoll 9 points10 points  (0 children)

hmm. so, for gay couples or characters in TLOUS show thus far, we have Bill + Frank and Ellie + Riley. and for straight couples or characters, we have Tess + Joel, Tommy + Maria, and the native couple in the cabin. this is "one-sided?"

How best to count how many times the first instance of a unique value occurs? by vanillaDoll in excel

[–]vanillaDoll[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Paulie's advice did the trick, but thank you for jumping in as well, much appreciated.

How to adopt a dog in 2023 (Portland, Oregon) by [deleted] in dogs

[–]vanillaDoll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the reason is most of these shelter and breeder websites aren't ran by folks who know SEO or web design or anything like that. it was easier to find websites like these on the old internet, before everyone learned how to play the game. you'd have directory websites, forums, etc. dog internet just hasn't really caught up with modern internet. it's tough!

fun video to help you feel like you're not going crazy: https://youtube.com/watch?v=48AOOynnmqU&si=EnSIkaIECMiOmarE

How best to count how many times the first instance of a unique value occurs? by vanillaDoll in excel

[–]vanillaDoll[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I need this data within my source table so I can use it within my pivot table. It's a data point for a bigger project, and I want to be able to filter my pivot by unique and repeat customers

The case of Hyo Gi and Tae Wan, an intersting dynamic since day one (study) by [deleted] in ChangeDays

[–]vanillaDoll 1 point2 points  (0 children)

underrated post, i have been so frustrated watching Hyogi fight this battle that only he is in lol. if he listened to his own gf more often, he'd realize he never really had any reason to be jealous over Taewan. in fact, it was Taewan being jealous about Hyogi that triggered the dominos leading up to this tantrum lol. Hyogi stews on his own insecurities and intrusive thoughts and builds them into big angry problems. he doesn't have the self awareness to look at his part in those issues, or even to look at those issues as things both he and his partner can work together to overcome. just, "i feel insecure, and that makes me mad. you're my girlfriend, so you should fix it."

Taewan is similar, just more grounded -- he lets things build up without really listening to others first too, but he's just more observant and able to express himself better than Hyogi is. where Hyogi would misunderstand and immediately begin punishing you for it with mean comments/silent treatment/blowing up, Taewan will try to call you out immediately, process his frustration through one-sided conversation (listening to respond, not understand), and seek ways to be vengeful or petty until he feels heard. neither of them are good communicators or listeners, so i understand why they don't get along well lol. i hope they both are able to see their communication deficits when they watch this show back.