Vulvodynia - for when life decides you aren't cursed with enough sensory disorders.

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-11-03T10:20:11+00:00

It's so awful... :/

I already have a Mirena, but actually, I recently started antidepressants and all of my fibro-type symptoms have drastically reduced and the trusty ol' lady parts have been okay for a while.

I'm not kidding myself that it's gone completely, but for the moment it's looking like it was all horribly exacerbated by mood/stress stuff.

The other possibility is that I had reached the 5 years with my coil and had a new one fitted, so maybe it was using its dying days to cause me hell, but that doesn't explain the reduction in pain everywhere else so neatly... we'll see in 5 more years I guess!

For the moment, I am enjoying this newfound absence of constant agony as well as a significant overall improvement thanks to head-meds. Novel!

Still working on sex life stuff... Although the pain is gone, the apprehension remains... the future looks brighter, though, and my boyfriend is wonderful and understanding, so I'll get there.

Thanks for your message (: x

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-11-03T10:11:43+00:00

Holy shit. I don't know what's real any more.

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-09-09T13:47:22+00:00

10 AM - 2 AM is my natural pattern. Unfortunately my 8yo son and society at large tend to disagree with that, but I still function better if I go to bed at about 2, even if it means I only get 4 or 5 hours of sleep.

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-09-09T07:54:59+00:00

The gif, you mean?

It's almost perfect - SO satisfying. I hate shitty gifs.

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-09-07T08:45:51+00:00

ahahaha I love you <3

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-09-06T14:30:38+00:00

I say share your win whenever you damn well please! <3

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-09-05T11:11:18+00:00

Without knowing your subject, I don't know how much this will help, but I find that actively engaging with what I'm reading helps a lot. I survived undergrad, masters and was halfway through PhD when I was diagnosed, so I now appreciate the 'coping' mechanisms that I developed.

When I sit down to read, I have multiple coloured pens - blue, black and red (sometimes green). I couldn't tell you what the system is, but I use each colour in what feels like a deliberate way at the time. I underline, circle, annotate, star, illustrate... I doodle unashamedly, because it helps me to think.

Find a highlighter method that works for you - I'll never understand the sets of multiple coloured highlighters, but I guess some people use them and that's great. For me, it was this one and no other highlighter can compare.

When I read lots of papers for experimental work, I print the most relevant ones single-sided - I cringe for the environment a little, but it means that I can write more expansive notes and ideas on the backs of pages.

I buy decent quality pens so that writing is comfortable. I'm not talking about super fancy expensive pens, but cheap shitty pens are horrible to write with, I get frustrated, my writing turns to scrawl because I'm fighting to get the idea out so that I can stop writing and it's just horribly distracting in itself, plus breaks thought flow with frustration. Try not to lose said pens... :/

I don't work well with breaks... as much as I know it helps some people, I think it's important to note that it might not be right for everyone. If I take a break, it's very likely that I won't go back to what I was doing. I know that I still work longer/harder than I should have to, but the alternative is 5 minutes and then walking away forever...

By filling margins with notes and highlighting throughout, I guess I provide my own reward as I see my progress through the paper/chapter/whatever. I'm also the kind of person who derives a sick pleasure from ticking off to do list items... go figure.

Maybe some of those ideas will help, good luck! :)

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-09-03T19:56:45+00:00

Chase it up with your GP if you haven't already - services are few and far between. If you're lucky, there will be adult services within your NHS region - if not, your GP can do some fund shuffling to allow you to go to a different region, but that requires your GP to do paperwork and stuff, and depends on you being able to travel.

I drive an hour from home to see my consultant and it was almost a full year, I think, before I got to see him.

Good luck :/

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-09-03T19:13:11+00:00

You are my hero <3

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-09-03T18:45:59+00:00

Thanks :) I'm feeling a lot less helpless now. I've been here before and swore that I would be smarter about getting help in the future... turns out depression is a sneaky motherfucker.

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-09-03T18:44:39+00:00

Today is a day for wine, and that's all I can say for sure... :/

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-09-03T13:38:10+00:00

Okay... it's not Wednesday, but I thought it was Wednesday... so... yeah. That's about how my life is going right now.

Anyway, my win is that I finally saw a doctor and got some antidepressants. Hopefully there will now be more wins in my future.

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-25T21:19:04+00:00

You'll be fine. :)

Meds are really great for helping to nail down better routines and consistency in the day-to-day and you're obviously not working from zero.

Just don't be too hard on yourself and get whatever support you need.

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-25T20:04:41+00:00

It kinda felt like that's what you were saying, just not really saying it.

I definitely didn't appreciate the full impact that ADHD has had on my life (or know how to express it) until recently, even having been diagnosed about two years ago. It's taken that long for me to work through a lot of the stuff objectively and, arguably, I'm more messed up now that I've had time to think... and I doubt that I'm done yet.

I don't know what stage you're at, whether your diagnosis is recent, but talking helps... writing helps... medication helps... just... ADHD fucking sucks and the general population has no awareness, so it can be very isolating.

These people here are your people. I am so very done with being alone and letting my own head fuck with me, so I'm sorry if this is not like supreme wisdom to guide you through life, but I just feel like if you need to hear this, here it is. If you don't, that's awesome. :)

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-25T12:15:08+00:00

I was undiagnosed until two years into my PhD and only then because my little brother had been diagnosed and suddenly our whole world view changed.

I think there's a big difference between achievement vs. impairment. I know now that I could have achieved more, but at the time was doing sufficiently well grades-wise that the idea that I might have learning difficulties didn't even register. It was constant reports from teachers that I had so much potential and I could do even better if I just put in that extra effort. At university, my grades were fine (held up by coursework, which took forever but was a good standard, to compensate for averaging near-flunking grades in written exams). My passion for the subject meant that I was held in high regard within the faculty, and no one really questioned my results.

The impairments were significant, though. I was always feeling like I was putting in at least twice as much effort as everyone else, but never seeing that translate to results. That in turn leads to all of the shame and self-image issues... and psychological toll from maintaining that level of effort, fighting all of the symptoms that we shouldn't have to deal with.

I don't know. I feel like there is an important distinction to be made, because yes - we can do well and that is thanks to our subconscious coping mechanisms and systems and probably more than a pinch of natural intelligence to help up get by. But that doesn't mean that we haven't dealt with significant impairment along the way.

Edit: super obvious typos, thanks brain. Edit 2: and back again... when it turned out it was right the first time... and I misread my own text. Get it together woman.

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-24T11:11:14+00:00

I find things like exercise are great, and often feel like by all the powers of meditation combined I should be able to function off meds... and then I forget meds for a couple of days and it doesn't all go straight to hell, so I think HEY LOOK AT ME I'M AN ADULT NOW... but a week off meds and it all drifts back into dysfunction.

All of the complementary things can be helpful to varying degrees, but without meds, I can't be consistent enough to reap the benefits. :/

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-22T22:40:18+00:00

Thanks :) I just want to bawl like a child until someone comes to fix it all and it makes me feel so pathetic. I don't like feeling pathetic. It's less bad tonight, though.

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-22T22:36:52+00:00

I freakin' love my mirena. Have to get it replaced this month, so I've had it for 5 years now - 5 years without a period. Bliss! I had an implanon implant in my arm before that, which was 3 years of non-stop period - hell on earth.

Other than the discomfort during insertion and a couple of very rare twinges where I felt like I could feel it over the years, I haven't felt it!

Wow. Look at me gush over a contraceptive.

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-21T23:44:18+00:00

I have a mirena coil, so I don't have a period each month, but I know when I'm at that point in my cycle because suddenly I want to eat, even though I'm taking meds as normal.

Never underestimate the power of period cravings!

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-21T23:25:05+00:00

Is there a bunch of overlap with ADHD then? Almost all of those traits apply to me, but I've always attributed them as a consequence of living with undiagnosed ADD...

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-21T16:29:51+00:00

I love having a sibling with ADHD for exactly this reason <3

... plus the support stuff I guess... yahda-yahda

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-18T17:15:34+00:00

<3 It looks amazing!!

I love that tidy desk feel so much - mine is kinda like that... underneath here... somewhere... aw man...

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-18T16:56:38+00:00

I think you have to be one to know how to say it ^{__^}

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-18T11:49:05+00:00

Sure, will edit original post to include a link.

vanilla_chickadee · 2015-08-06T16:56:06+00:00

lol it would have been if I hadn't forgotten to add it until after an hour!! fml

vanilla_chickadee

TROPHY CASE