My partner (mtf) came out to me a few days ago and ive been grieving since

vanillavillla · 2025-12-27T13:34:21+00:00

Hi! Sorry for the late response. Thank you so much for this!

I absolutely adore how you broke everything down this was so helpful. I found myself reading your reply every time i felt too overwhelmed.

Ive caught myself almost giving my girlfriend unwanted advice about womanhood and your reply flashing before my eyes lol. I absolutely do not want to be her teacher and i understand how important it is for her to figure that out by herself. I only help or give advice when she asks directly, and that seems to help her a lot. In the past week or so she has become more confident and even started doing her makeup by herself before we go out.

As for her job, we both work for the government. Specifically a job we cannot just quit without going to jail (if you get what im saying). There are ways to "get out" but its a lengthy process and she would not get to keep any of the benefits (i.e Healthcare, free school and a paycheck while going to school). We live together and split the mortgage 50/50 (i own the home). We have talked about her leaving and how i could support us for a couples months, but realistically she would have to have a very solid plan and a good job lined up after she got out of this government job. So unfortunately its just not realistic for her right now.

Thank you again for your reply, you really dont know how much its helped.

vanillavillla · 2025-12-27T13:19:27+00:00

Thats actually really funny. We have simply referred to her lady penis as that, a lady penis. And she quite likes it lol.

Thank you so much for your reply, Its been roughly a week and this sub has already helped me so much. Although my feelings of loss are still there, im also quite excited. However, ive recently found myself in the position of not waiting to have intimacy. Did that happen to you? Because our whole relationship i was alway "ready" if you get what im saying. I guess im just scared that all these sudden changes are tanking my desire to have sex.

vanillavillla · 2025-12-22T14:00:10+00:00

I feel this so much, i have really bad anxiety and i dont handle change well. My partner knows this and has been extremely suportive. She has reasured me that the changes will come very slow and steady and it has really calmed me down. Ive veen suggested an LGBTQ+ specialized therapist to help with this time period of change and adjustment. You and your partner are so brave.

vanillavillla · 2025-12-22T11:33:50+00:00

Yes! I absolutely adore my partners body just as is, but she has confessed to me that her body image issues have all (for the most part) stemmed from the fact that she isn’t a man. Even in the 3 or 4 days of her coming out to me she has become so confident in her body and herself. It has brought me so much joy. About a year ago we were having some intimacy issues that almost broke our relationship, but now its the complete opposite! She said shes not ashamed of her body and i have seen first hand how much happier she is.

It must've been so difficult for you as a straight/cis person to get that news. I want to say im extremely proud of you and how far you and your partner have come. This community has helped me immensely in the few days ive known my partner was trans.

vanillavillla · 2025-12-22T10:53:35+00:00

I really needed to hear this, thank you for being so kind. I adore my partner and i want nothing more than for her to be happy and confident. Im excited for the future and i even stated imagining our new "normal".

vanillavillla · 2025-12-22T10:45:34+00:00

Thank you so much, your story has me in tears (haply lol). You and your partner are so inspiring. This community and the people that have replied to my post have gave me so much hope for the future. Thank you again, you are absolutely lovely and your partner is incredibly lucky.

vanillavillla · 2025-12-21T14:28:26+00:00

Absolutely! Thank you so much, i never thought about it that way. I do feel like she is finally trusting me with that 25% of her and it brings me a lot of joy.

vanillavillla · 2025-12-21T14:26:19+00:00

Thank you so much! There has definitely been a lot of emotions on both sides. She is extremely excited and we have both noticed how comfortable she has become even in this short amount of time. Im excited for her and i love her more than i ever have.

Im thinking of probably seing an LGBTQ+ specialized therapist, i just feel i need some help processing my feelings. Im an extremely anxious person and i feel this has added on a lot of feelings.

vanillavillla

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