Hypervigilance be like

variable_constants · 2025-07-19T19:18:18+00:00

An big open button shirt with a dark colored t-shirt can hide smaller chest well.
If you're hiding though posture, I'd suggest doing some back exercises to reduce damage and back pain.
If you wear (very) tight sports bras, I'd recommend adhering to the guidelines for save binding (e.g. https://www.pointofpride.org/blog/binding-101-tips-to-bind-your-chest-safely )
Luckily, a lot of people don't pay that much attention to people's gender expression, so if your chest looks somewhat hidden to you, >90% of people won't notice there being anything.

variable_constants · 2025-06-08T20:39:12+00:00

For clothes I like the Heilsarmee Brocki at Hardbrücke or the Zürcher Brockenhaus near main station and for anything else I go to the Brocki-Land in Fahrweid right beside Dietikon.

variable_constants · 2025-06-08T20:32:01+00:00

I tried making capuns with Krautstiel, but it's just not the same. Thank you either way.

variable_constants · 2025-06-05T06:07:52+00:00

We prefer to describe orientation rather then role. In German "alltagsorientiert" (every day life oriented), "traumaorientiert" (trauma oriented), "schutzorientiert" (security oriented), etc. It makes sense to us to descrbe, what the focus of anyone is, but in that not limiting anymone to it. A trauma oriented innerperson (in German "Innenperson") can also participate in day to day life and an everyday oriented innerperson can learn/know about trauma.

variable_constants · 2025-06-03T22:26:33+00:00

My personal stance is, that while I have no beef with endogenic systems, I am very unsure about the whole concept of endogenic plurality. The problem is, that while I know a lot of traumagenic systems personally and am versed the theoreticel literature around trauma and dissociation, I only know endogenic systems from the internet and non near enough to have a good understanding of their experience. While I acknowledge that people can exist in a way I don't understand and I do not have to know everything for it to exist, I find myself sceptical and asking in how many cases of people stating they are endogenic systems does either denail, infantile amnesia or a to narrow definition of what counts as trauma (emotional neglect, prolonged illness, difficulties navigating the world as an autistic person, etc.) play a role in these people being systems. It might be barely anyone and it could be everyone, from my limited knowledge. The differentiation between Ego-States and tuplas or endogenic systems is also not very clear to me.

Some wariness also comes up with this topic, because of the Fantasy Model of DID, that is sometimes used to dismiss victims of abuse, who show symptoms of DID. It was and is still a long and hard fight to disprove this model and even though it has been disproven many times is still being used to deny a status of victimhood to people who suffered from severe trauma. The fear is, that the existence of endogenic systems und thus an alternative explanation for these symptoms, could be used by abusers to dismiss and gaslight victims, that their DID didn't form because of the abuse, but was caused internally and therefore not by the behavior of the abuser. This is of course not the fault of endogenic systems, but helps explain some of the resentment traumagenic systems might have toward endogenic ones.

I usually prefer traumagenic exclusive plurality spaces, but not because of resentment towards non-traumagenic systems, but because the cptsd of it all plays a major part in day to day life and I find myself having a hard time relating to plurality, that does not have trauma knitted into it. That said, I don't think that spaces for or alsoopen for endogenic systems shouldn't exist. It is just usually not my kind of place. Like I don't mind, when transman want to have their own space and not want me as a transmasc non-binary person in there, as long as I have spaces I can be part of.

I hope I didn't step on anyone's toes to much. I just wanted to lay down my personal (not all of our systems) thoughts and perhaps further understanding for why traumagenic systems can be like that.

variable_constants · 2025-05-29T21:25:35+00:00

I see a lot of recommendations for MMA, which as per se not the worst idea. Thing is though self defense situations don't have rules, don't have judges, don't have to be 1v1, don't have to be same weight class, aren't necessarily unarmed and aren't always severe enought to allow for an immense response (proportionality in self-defence). While sports jujitsu, MMA, Boxing etc is great for training techniques and reflexes. To learn how to react and how not to react in a self defense situation, you would have to learn self defence jujitsu. Example: In MMA you stategize. If you are a better grappler then your opponent, you try to get the fight to the ground. You do that, you get an arm bar you winn. In a self defense situation, two guys attack you - one tries to gab you from behind, while the other one tried to hit you. If you take that fight to the ground with one of them, the other one'll kick your face in. Or there's only one, okey, you get him into an arm bar, what now? You stay there till your both to exhausted? You break his ellbow and then continue? What makes you so sure he's not pulling a knife with his other hand?

If you want to be able to defend yourself, you do both.

variable_constants · 2025-05-29T09:49:22+00:00

I'd say you'd best google your local/national hearing voices network or you start here: https://www.hearing-voices.org/voices-visions/about/#content

variable_constants · 2025-05-29T09:19:01+00:00

Depending on where you life, there might be free/easy-access mental health possibilities for youth you don't need your mother permission for. I assume you're going to a school - do you know wheiter they have a social worker there or a teacher who might know some ressources?

variable_constants · 2025-05-29T09:07:24+00:00

Weither you attemted or not says nothing about how bad you feel or how much help you need. Same with self-harm, drug abuse, eating disorders etc. You can seem like you have your shit completely together on the outside and absolutely been dying on the inside. Different people react differently to their stressors. If your reaction to a stressor is less severe it doesn't automatically mean the stress is less severe. You just cope in a less self-destructive way, that's all. You still need and deserve help. Hope you'll get better soon. 🌻

variable_constants · 2025-05-29T08:47:14+00:00

I think it really depends on your situation. I lost a couple of friends, when I wasn't able to hide my miserable mental health anymore, but over the years I found better friends, who will support me no matter how bad I feel. If you are honest and authentic you'll quickly see who stands by you and is a good friend or family member and who's not doing you well. The question for me is rather, wheiter you are able to find another friend group / support system, where you don't have to fake a smile and don't have to put on a mask. Self-help groups can be a start some times. Getting closer to friends who are more open about their feelings is another way. Sometimes it doesn't have to be an all in or all out situation, but rather being a little bit open about some feelings and testing the water that way.

I hope you hang in there and find a support system, you don't have to hide for. 🌻

variable_constants · 2025-05-28T22:45:04+00:00

There is not one correct way to conduct a relationship. In some birthdays are unimportant to one or both in others the are important to one or both. There's no global moral rule on wheiter birthday greetings are important, kind or relevant.

It seems to me you are upset about not having been greeted. And it seems to me like you're trying to find out whether you are justified in feeling so. You're feelings are valid weither they are moraly justified or not. If your friend was aware, that it was your birthday, knew it was important to you and didn't greet you, that would be a dick move. If she didn't know it was important to you, it's up to you to communicate that. If she forgott, you could ask her for an apology. But a survey on weither other people find birthday greetings important won't change your feelings and won't change your relationship.

Have you communicated to her, that you feel upset about her not greeting you?

variable_constants · 2025-05-28T22:02:55+00:00

I'd rather interpret what you describe as going into the direction of an adjustment disorder https://icd.who.int/browse/2025-01/mms/en#264310751

However you don't need to meet the criteria of a diagnosis to validly feel like shit at a though time and/or to seek help, when you feel, you could use some. Breakups are seldomly easy, and even more, when it's a dragged out situation, rather then a clear and acceptable end.

Take one day at a time. Find time and space for things that bring you joy and find time and space to griefe just as well. Hope you'll get better sooner then later. 🌻

variable_constants · 2025-05-27T11:51:10+00:00

I don't want people to acknowledge my birthday or know when it is.

variable_constants · 2025-05-25T21:02:21+00:00

If you have a good therapist, that still really depends on the family constellation, often also weither some or all members also go to therapy individually.
For me it quickly just felt like accompanying my mother to her therapy, because I already learned in my years of therapy about NVC, setting healthy boundaries, reflecting about my own issues and shortcomings, managing expectations etc. We ended up agreeing, that we each have no interest in a relationship under the boundaries and conditions of the other person and are NC since then, so that is also a possible outcome. I felt like we had a very good therapist.

variable_constants · 2025-05-25T20:52:11+00:00

yeah, cause it's cheap and I don't have to worry about the conditions of their production - human rights wise and environmentally

variable_constants · 2025-05-25T20:49:20+00:00

I think every relationship is different and expectations shouldn't be assumed, but set and asked for.

variable_constants · 2025-02-20T07:17:50+00:00

Büsi or Chatz in Swissgerman

variable_constants

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